I'm not okay
by Batmanfan12
Summary: Ravi's slowly spiraling deeper and deeper and no one is noticing
1. Chapter 1

**Okay peeps, since the death of Cameron Boyce (RIP, you are missed!) I've gotten back into watching Jessie. I was never really into it, but I kinda watched it when my brother did .Anyhow, I read Elastic Heart by B_y_e Felicia and got inspired to write my own depressed! Ravi fic but I assure y'all I am not trying to copy. This is going to be different and I've done research since I'm not familiar with depression.**

**this will have a romance but I'm going to make sure this is slow so we can focus on Ravi for a bit. He won't notice how pretty his friend is until later. And I won't use the relationship as some kind of "cure" either. It might seem like I'm trying to bash everyone but I'm really not; this is just how Ravi perceives his family and everyone else. Lastly, this is going to be dealing with suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc so if this will bother you then don't read please! Oh and also, since we really didn't know a whole lot about Ravi's life before he came to the Ross', I'm making up stuff about his past so there's also a warning for past child abuse as well **

* * *

_The hallway was longer than usual, a never-ending route that seemed to lengthen the more he traveled. Other than that, the locker-hallway for his class was the same, frighteningly. A tingle of fear ran down his spine, he shivered involuntarily. There was a strong urge to go back, to escape through the front exit. But he kept going; staring straight head. It was best to avoid all eye contact with his classmates, whom, in a state of unison, turned from their lockers and tore from their conversations to stare at him, to jeer at him. _

**_Just keep going, _**_he told himself; his breathing quickening, _**_it will be okay. _**

_Strickening panic was nipping at him, pointing out the obvious flaws and dashing any hopes he had of getting out unscathed. Why was he being stared at? Why did everyone have that 'knowing' gleam in their eyes? The anxiety was piling in his stomach, like a dumbbell suddenly dropped. The knot grew tighter-oh Gods, there came the queasy feeling. What did they know that he didn't? _

_"Hey loser!" Ravi stopped dead in his tracks, heart hammering in his chest. _**_Not him. _**_Mitch Tyler stepped in front of his way, a devilish smirk on his face. Mitch was one of the popular jocks that made his life a living hell. "Where do you think you're going?" _

_ "T-to class," Ravi cursed himself for stuttering, as if Mitch needed another reason to pick on him. _

_"T-t-to class," Mitch mocked. Those nearby laughed and Ravi's cheeks reddened. "What a geek." _

**_He's right. You aren't normal, when are you going to be normal? _**

_"Are you even listening?" Two fingers snapped in front of his face, causing him to jerk in startlement. He jabbed a finger in Ravi's chest, with more force than should have been necessary. He gasped in pain, reaching a hand up to the spot that had been jabbed. _

_"What a wimp. Can you believe this guy? Pathetic," Mitch sneered. _

_"No I am not." The words flew out of Ravi's mouth before any sort of common sense took control. Once he became conscious of what he'd said, his eyes shot open and he slowly backed away as Mitch's face turned an interesting shade of purple. _

_"What did you say to me?" he growled, curling his meaty hands into fists. _

_"Nothing! Forget I said anything," Ravi said hurriedly, smiling nervously. "Let us go to class, I'm sure we have more stimulating things we could be doing to occupy our time instead of senseless arguing." _

_"He just called you senseless!" someone yelled. _

_"No," Ravi's voice went up in pitch, "I swear, I did not!" _

_"I think he wants to fight," someone else said slyly. _

_"Fight! Fight!" people began chanting, as they always did at the mildest entertainment. _

_Mitch cracked his knuckles. A glimmer of amusement crossed his face. "You think you got what it takes, shorty? Prove it," he said wickedly. "You think you can beat me up? Try me. Go ahead, go on." _

_"I do not want to prove anything," Ravi protested. Their differences in body style were against him; one swift move and he'd be on the floor, nursing a black eye-or worse. "Please, I mean no harm against you. Just let me pass." _

_Oh how he yearned for an ounce of bravery; a tinge, enough to push back at him for all of the misery he's caused. But it doesn't happen. He's not stupid; Ravi knew what ever action he takes will have severe consequences. It took a great deal of force to bitterly swallow down his outrage, but one glance at the jock's flexing muscles was enough to keep him in line. _**_Look at him, he would rip you apart. How foolish you to think you could ever take him on._**

_But Mitch didn't listen. "You wanna see me teach him a lesson?" he asked the gathering crowd. They answered with a roar of "Yeah!" and "Make him suffer!" If he'd ever had a slight hope that there was at least one person at this God-forsaken school that might not have an aversion to him, it was way down the drain now. _

_"NO!" He shrieked, just as someone came up from behind him, seizing him by his arms and holding him against his will. "LET ME GO, PLEASE! I BEG OF YOU!" _

_"Aww, little Ravi's begging again," Mitch said in a baby voice. "Is Ravi scared?" _

_Ravi writhed, doing whatever it took to free himself. The other person was too strong, though and tightened their grip. He was sure he'd have a bruise on both arms. He tended to bruise easily. _

_Mitch's hand rose in the air and Ravi winced, bracing himself for the impact. He'd been at the mercy of them previously and it never ended well. "Look at me you dork," he forced Ravi to make eye contact with him. "That's better." _

**_Just let me go. I won't tell anyone. I swear. _**_Much to his horror, he felt tears welling up in his eyes and Mitch saw the whole thing. _

_"Oh my God. The dork is crying!" _

_"I am not!" he tried to say but it couldn't be heard over the rumbling laughter that centered around him. Albeit he was released from the hold on him, it didn't even help matters. _

_"It's too bad his mommy isn't around to hold his hand," the person behind him teased. Ravi recognize that voice but couldn't put a name to it. "Oh wait," the person said, feigning innocence, "you don't have a mommy, do you Ross? That's why she gave you up." _

_Ravi flinched. It was no secret he was adopted; he stuck out like a sore thumb. Even Luke was often confused as the Ross' biological child due to his resemblance to their father. _

_"Bet she was tired of his crap," Mitch sniggered. "What a loser, not even your mom likes you. How pathetic can you be?" _

_The second jock, the person who had held Ravi, nudged his friend, speaking in a not to subtle voice, "I bet his mom was a whore, that's how she ended up with him." _

_It was at that moment, a surge of anger shot through his veins, furious that anyone would dare speak of his mother in such a way. They start laughing and it was every bit of humiliating as it could have been. Their laughter reached his ears, echoing, mocking him. Ravi did the thing he knew to do: leave. _

_"Hey!" Mitch barked, causing him to flinch again at the level of noise. "Where do you think you're going, short stack?" he grabbed Ravi by the back of his shirt, yanking him backwards. Ravi let out an "oof" at the impact. _

_"I think he needs to be taught a lesson this time." _

_"Yeah," the jock agreed, "mommy didn't teach him how to respect his superiors." _

_"What a shame," the second one mocked. "Poor little Robby is mannerless." _

_"My name is Ravi," Ravi stammered out, reacting with a gasp when the grip on his short tightened, pulling the material tighter around his neck. Choking him. Cutting off his air. It was scary yet exhilarating. Curiosity had him wondering what this would feel like; what dying would be like. He'd always imagined a thick rope, wrapped neatly around his neck, like a hug perhaps. A comforting hug that would soon pull him away from the pain he has known for far too long. It was the ideal death, not being choked in the middle of the hallway by a bully. _

_"Robby, Ravi, what's the difference? They're both stupid," the second boy was oblivious to what was occurring. _

_"P-please," he wheezed, "I b-beg of you..." _

_"You hear that!" the jock hooted with laughter, "he's begging again." _

_Several people began speaking at once, over stimulating his senses all at one time. Ravi's eyes darted around, taking notice of the smirking faces. _

_"What a dumb accent." _

_"I bet he's with ISIS." _

_"Oooh! Better watch it or he'll blow you up!" _

_"I heard he's not even wanted here, the teachers just pity him." _

_"I heard his lizard is his only friend, even his family hates him." _

_"Course they do. Why else would they put him up for adoption." _

_"I wonder if he's a serial killer." _

_"Probably, that's why he wears those weird clothes. He's trying to blend in." _

_"Nerd." _

_"Weirdo." _

_"FREAK!" _

_The whispering grew louder, surrounding him in a circle that he couldn't escape. His hands covered his ears in a desperate attempt to block out the voices but they penetrated through, overwhelming him to the point he screamed. _

It was happening again, for...what was it? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? Almost every night his dreams were plagued by those terrifying nightmares, balancing between reality and delusion. But what was he to do about it? It wasn't as if he had an endless, streaming support system ready at his beckon call. He was alone; fending for himself with little resources. Who was really going to care if he had a nightmare or two? Or more than he could count? Jessie would tell him not to be around when the family watched those scary movies that Luke or Emma picked out. Bertram wouldn't care as long as he didn't have to clean up anything. If anyone managed to get ahold of his parents (highly unlikely due to their _tremendously busy _work schedule), they'd probably just tell him everything would be okay, perhaps tell Jessie to keep a closer eye on him.

He didn't even want to imagine what his siblings would say.

_Family is everything _. What a _joke _. What an overrated statement clearly spoken from a naive person with a _loving _family. The complete opposite of his own. The day he'd come home from the adoption center his new family had been so _happy _to have him; there were so many fond memories that seemed vague now. Where was his happy ending? His bright future? It was bleak, simply put. Perhaps starvation in his village would have been better than this.

It was better than living a life unwanted.

Ravi tossed and turned for the umpteenth time; eyes scrunched shut, hands clamped into fists and his facial features contorted with distress. Every so often, at its worst peak, he would whimper for help, unbeknownst to him. Sometimes he would apologize, begging for forgiveness that he knew he didn't deserve.

_"Moooom, Ravi's talking to his lizard again!" _

_"Uuuh, Ravi, whatcha wearing?" _

_"Don't worry, you'll make friends one day...I hope." _

_"You're gonna be one of those guys that lives alone with a cat, aren't you?" _

_"Son, I just wish you were a little more...well, you know, like Luke." _

Sporty like Luke. Popular like Luke. Have the moves like Luke. Smooth as Luke. Luke, Luke, Luke! It had been difficult to conceal his inner seething, to resist the urge to climb a mountain top and shout that he _wasn't Luke _and therefore, shouldn't be held to the same standards. However, to avoid the implication that he'd gone crazy (he _wasn't _), Ravi just stopped most of his interaction with people. Not only in relation to the Luke topic but in general. Keeping quiet was helpful when you've got nothing worthwhile to share.

Or wanted.

"Uuugh," Ravi groaned, arching his back. "No, no, get away." With a violent toss, he flipped from side-to-side for the umpteenth time. His eyes were scrunched tightly shut and his facial features were contorted with distress. He pawed at the air, his actions becoming more and more frantic. "Get away, get away, please," he muttered. His arms shot out, trying to knock down the invisible person attacking him. Incidentally, he pushed his alarm clock off his nightstand, sending it to the floor with a loud crash.

"NOOO! GET AWAY FROM ME!" He shot up in the middle of the bed, blinded by fear and adrenaline pulsing through his veins that left him on edge; ready to attack whoever would dare to get in his way. His scream had reverberated off the walls until it bounced back in his direction. His scream, weak and hoarse, _hardly _recognizable to his own ears.

_Was it only a dream? _He thought dazedly, his mind still swarming dangerously. _It felt so real _. _So real. So real. _He touched his neck faintly, caressing the skin near his collarbone. The feeling of his shirt being pressed against it, cutting of any circulation was still there; just barely. Was this the Gods way of ridiculing him? To show him how utterly weak he was?

He inhaled several large gulps of air, panting over and over to the point of hyperventilation. It was as if the walls were caving in; decreasing the amount of air he was receiving. _I cannot breathe. Oh Gods... _

_"You don't have a mommy, do you Ross? That's why she gave you up." _

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he screamed. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He could practically _hear _Mitch sniggering at him, taunting him like he always did. _It wouldn't be happening if you weren't such an easy target! _

Ravi let out a strangled sob, wrapping his arms around himself with his knees pulled up to his chest. He cried until the tears exhausted themselves, until his throat was raw and he was physically unable to produce any more tear drops.

With a sluggish hand, he wiped away any remaining wetness on his face; sparing a glance over in the direction of his beloved pet. Not a peep was heard from Mrs. Kipling's cage, and for that he was grateful. It meant she was still sleeping, unbothered by the latest nightmare that left tears spilling down his cheeks and sweat droplets dampening his clothes.

"I am sorry for being such a bother." It was an unintended whisper, addressed to no one. "I shall try harder."

_I have been trying. I don't know what else to do. _

Jessie was always insisting to him and his siblings they should ask for help without hesitation. _Hasn't he done that, though? _He'd been longing for someone to notice his scream for help, for months now. He was ignored by everyone, including Jessie.

_You're not supposed to ask for help. You're the smart one! Figure it out yourself! _

He wasn't supposed to _need _any help because nothing was supposed to be too complicated for him to solve on his own. _Luke _was the one that needed explanations and assistance for simple tasks. Not him. As the brains of the family he was expected to have everything under control; to handle anything that came at him because nothing was supposed to be over his head.

In this case, they would most definitely be disappointed.

Because life itself was a roller-coaster of spiraling emotions that even the most educated, brilliant scientist couldn't figure out.

Surrounded by darkness, desolation, he sat there; upright and gripping the bed sheet, his knuckles drained of any color. His eyes, drained of any liveliness, stared ahead at the wall. His throat needed moistening but he disregarded it.

It was times like those he _craved _a human presence; not often did he feel an urging need, even less than did he succumb to those urges.

_I wish mom and dad were home _. They were _never _home and even if a miraculous intervention occurred, allowing them to stay for a few days, he was never their main priority. Their mother would busy herself by talking to Jessie about them; listen as Emma babbled on about the latest fashion trend and while Zuri mentioned some famous Youtuber that was _so cute _and _maybe they could meet him sometime. _

Any hope of bonding with their dad was nonexistent by this point. It was well known to Ravi to that their dad favored Luke because they were much more compatible as father and son than they were. Their father had no interest in science or reading, thus putting their relationship on strain. The _very _few times they'd bonded together (with a little nudge from his mother to his father) it ended with Ravi barely holding it together. Why couldn't his father understand his desire to abstain from sports? His sisters weren't all that interested in sports either but _they _were ridiculed for it or had the subject repeatedly brought up for persuasion (none of which ever worked).

Even so, despite their flaws, Ravi greatly missed his parents. _I suppose it doesn't matter. They're busy. _They were on _another _business trip, Japan he thought he heard Jessie saying. Regardless of how desperately he wished for them to be near-in _person _, not a facetime that left him as the last one to speak with a two minute time limit- it was simply impossible.

_Please come home. Please _

_They don't care about you _

_You're just a worthless piece of garbage, everyone thinks so _

_Even Jessie does not care for you as much as she does the others _

Ravi loved Jessie, she was the older sister he wished he had the pleasure of having, though her job skills were less than to be desired. Hew could count off countless of times she would alleviate Zuri's fears if she thought she saw a ghost in her room, or if Emma or Luke scared themselves after watching a scary movie. Ravi couldn't ever recall a time she helped him as much as she did the other three.

_She just likes them better. You're not as cute as Zuri or as witty as Luke or as important as Emma. _

A year or two ago, Ravi would have dismissed that particular thought. Jessie didn't have favorites, he would tell himself whenever his mood would begin to deteriorate. Jessie loved them all equally.

It was becoming harder and harder to convince himself that was true.

A thumping noise alerted to Ravi that someone must be awake. His ears strained to listen, to detect who it was judging by their footsteps. He'd gotten good at it. But, to his utter dismay, it was just Mrs. Kipling. She'd changed positions and her tail had flapped against the inside of her cage.

_Of course. _His heart sank further. _Why would anyone care? They never do. _

It was a relief, in a way, that he'd managed to get through another nightmare without waking anyone; he wasn't up to answering any questions they might have. Yet, Ravi's stomach dropped as the realization pooled, he couldn't help but wonder why _hadn't _they woken up? His sibling's rooms were adjacent to his own, they should have heard his screams night after night but no one ever turned on the lights, no one ever rushed to check on him. No one ever did anything.

_No one ever did anything. _

Exhaustion was upon him, though the fear of more incoming nightmares kept him drifting off into a peaceful sleep.

_Peaceful. _A word he hadn't associated with in months. Life had never been particularly peaceful or kind to him.

Ravi fell back on the bed, gazing up at his ceiling. The moonlight steeped in from underneath the window curtains, softly enveloping the room in a silvery hug. _It wouldn't take much to just jump, I'd be dead within seconds, no suffering. _He blew out an audible sigh. He'd been through enough suffering; apparently whatever deity was up there didn't think so. _How much more will I have to take? _He didn't know how much more he _could _take without breaking; he was already cracked. One more push and he'd fall apart completely.

His sanity was like sand, slipping through his fingers until he no longer had a solid grasp on reality.

And it would _never _ be fixed.


	2. Chapter 2

**I tweaked the kids' ages a bit. The Jessie wiki confused me on their age differences but this is an AU so whatever. **

**Emma: 18/19 ish **

**Luke: 18 **

**Ravi: 17 **

**Zuri: 12 **

**Jessie: 25**

* * *

"Alright kids, time to get up! Breakfast is on the table and Luke, don't you dare go back to sleep or I'll take you to school in your underwear!"

Jessie's holler projected through the thick door, loud and clear. It had to be, especially to get Luke awake this early.

Ravi's eyelids fluttered open; his vision was overwhelmed briefly from floating spots before it adjusted accordingly and focused in on his alarm clock. It had taken nearly two hours for the sweet, tempting call of sleep succumbed him, where unsettled thoughts and images still haunted him. Although none of which had come close to the one involving Mitch.

At the end of Ravi's sophomore year, Mitch had insulted his mother in the middle of the hallway after he had initially refused to take the jock's bait to rile him up. He'd hoped by ignoring the bullies they'd just leave him alone. It was what Jessie and his parents would have told him. It's what any teacher, principal or counselor at school would have said. But it didn't. Mitch was not one to let it go. After an unsuccessful attempt at shoving Ravi into one of the lockers (he'd had a tiny growth spurt over the course of the year, though he was still strikingly smaller than other boys his age), he'd raised his arm up and Ravi, anticipating violence, let out an involuntary whimper. What occurred after that was fairly relevant to the dream; he had been made fun of which led to Mitch and some other jocks to make jokes about his mother. Ravi rushed home that day and spent the remaining time locked up in his room, sobbing into his pillow.

No one asked why he hadn't ate dinner.

No one heard his cries.

No one did _anything. _

_I don't want to go._ Ravi flipped over onto his back and laid there, staring up at the ceiling with a pounding heart and sickened stomach. _Another year of misery. I cannot wait. _

Sluggishly, he arose into a seating position; a struggle as this was not by choice. He winced at the pain shooting up from his left his to his shoulder, accompanied by pins and needles. _I must have slept on it, _he realized, yawning.

He stretched his arms over his head and yawned again. That sense of refreshness one was supposed to feel after a night's rest was unfamiliar to Ravi. Oftentimes, he awakened drained. Drained and finished with the day despite that it just began.

Didn't he deserve something more? Some kind of happiness and not immediate dread?

He felt sticky; uncomfortable. Drenched in sweat that had not only dampened his pajama top but additionally his blanket and left a visible stain on his bed sheet. _Oh no_, he groaned. Panicked. Fretted. _Not again_. Night sweats were something he was accustomed to, so he should have been prepared for this. _But you weren't. _He'd better air dry everything before Jessie found them. Or worse, Luke.

Ravi shuddered. He'd never live it down if that happened. Come to think of it, Luke didn't let him live down anything, always willing to bring up that _totally amusing_ incident from years ago that sent everyone into a fit of laughter at his expense.

Was it natural to experience such..._resentment _toward someone hat the mere thought of them was enough induce those feelings?

Ravi hadn't minded Luke's tendency to tease him, _make fun of him, _he corrected himself sourly. He figured this was part of a typical brotherly relationship and so allowed it to continue without saying a word to their parents (or Jessie) for it hadn't ever occurred to him that Luke would have less than pure intentions. But you can only take so much and Ravi was nearing his breaking point. At what point would everyone realize just how far he'd come to breaking? No one understood him, no one knew how truly betrayed and alone he felt. And no one ever would.

"Kids! Come on, seriously. I shouldn't have to keep telling you!"

Ravi peeled off his night shirt, flinging it to the other side of the room where it missed his clothes basket completely.

How had he forgotten about school? For the past week and a half, (actually two and a half weeks but it didn't get started right away due to resistance from his siblings), they'd been in transition from summer schedule back to school schedule. It included an earlier bedtime and reestablishing an earlier morning routine. This didn't coincide with either Luke or Zuri; they'd both been unreservedly dead set against starting the new school year and moaned and groaned about it whenever the opportunity arose.

Emma was a freshman in college this year, which meant one less kid to push out the door (and less of a strain on Jessie's sanity). Instead of attending class physically, she signed up for online classes to make it easier on herself and took great pleasure in bragging that _she_ got to stay home all day.

Ravi couldn't say age had matured his older sister.

Of course, Zuri was the first to protest at the unjustice of it all, (Luke didn't...surprisingly).

Sometimes Ravi envied his siblings and their naivety. Zuri saw it as a quick and easy way to learn without actually having to do much.

He saw it as an escape; a way out that appeared _so close_ yet it wasn't, as he still had two more years of torture to get through.

At least this was Luke's last year.

Perhaps senior year would be different; maybe he'd be his own person. Maybe he wouldn't be tormented as much and asked over and over why he wasn't like his brother.

He doubted it.

Ravi slid back under under the blankets, staying under for several minutes; savoring the warmth and comfort. Had it always been this early? His body felt deprived of any and all energy. _It doesn't help when you wake up from a nightmare, either_, he thought. _I could take a few more minutes. Jessie won't notice. I'll just tell her I was taking care of Mrs. Kipling. _

Nothing would have been more pleasing than to stay in bed, covered by the blankets and buried within. Like a cacoon. A warm, flower scented cocoon. Safe from any predators that may be lurking around.

Jessie wouldn't approve.

Nor would she understand.

But, then again, she couldn't entirely be blamed for that... It wasn't thoroughly obvious that he'd gone through a massive personality change, he thought bitterly.

School had previously excited him; studying in a new country, the prospect of learning rich, new information. It was thrilling. If that wasn't enough, he wasn't alone anymore. He had siblings to accompany him. He didn't have to wake up at the crack of dawn anymore to spent a good portion of the day trekking to the village school, barefoot and in the harshest conditions.

He had it easy compared to those still living in his village. Most boys his age were working, searching for anything to keep their family alive and well. Even going as far to steal or kill for a loaf of bread or a jug of water. Ravi had running water and electricity. Food was never out of bounds, he'd never had to go hungry because they were limited.

_You live like a prince while others starve to death. How is that fair? They never asked for that, just as you never asked to be adopted by a rich family. You don't deserve these riches; they do. They work hard to survive, what do you do? _

Ravi bit down on his lower lip, suppressing down a trail of emotions. Guilt had been eating away at him for months, a year or two even. It came with the inability to understand _why_; why had he been chosen over everyone else? How had his parents seen him and instantly _knew_ they wanted him as their child? _It should have been someone else so they could truly appreciate it. I'm just taking up space._

"Knock, knock." It was Jessie. Her voice snapped him out of his stupor. Ravi jerked and sat back up so she wouldn't scold him for trying to fall back asleep. "Hey, you decent?"

_As a person? Hardly, _he inwardly scoffed. "Yes," he called, shoving the blanket off the bed and making sure he sat directly over the stained spot. "You may come in."

The door opened and in came Jessie, looking a little groggy herself. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail and she wore no makeup. "Good morning," she greeted to which he reciprocated with a half-hearted smile. Had to keep up appearances, after all.

"Bertram made pancakes and waffles and there's some orange juice in the fridge. I made sure there's no pulp for you." There was a hint of fondness on her face.

Ravi raised his eyebrows. "Bertram made breakfast?" he questioned skeptically.

"Your parents facetimed me," Jessie smirked. "They wanted to wish you guys a good first day of school but y'all were still sleeping."

"Ah," he understood. _That_ made more sense. The day Bertram willingly cooked and cleaned was a day not in the foreseeable future.

"You know, I'm not sure why you always keep it so dark in here. Let some light in," Jessie went over to the window, pushing the curtains to each side. "It's such a beautiful morning, don't you think?"

Instantly, that 'beautiful' morning light blinded him; bursting inro the entire room and filling with all that sunshiny goodness that the average person would love. Ravi covered his face with his hands, shaking his head vigorously.

"Oh stop that, it's not that bad."

_Says you _

"And by the way," Jessie crossed back to the other side, stepping over dirty laundry and whatever else that laid haphazardly along the floor. There were many disputes about that particular issue in which Jessie had all but accused him of trying to be like Luke. Oh, if only she knew. "Were you up around two this morning?"

Ravi looked up, hardly daring to believe it. _Did she hear me? Perhaps so. But why hadn't she come to comfort me? Was she trying not to embarrass me? Is that all? _

"Because Zuri says she heard Mrs. Kipling," Jessie continued, shattering any hope Ravi had that _someone_ had heard him, he had gone unnoticed. Of course. "Honestly, Ravi, two am isn't the time to play."

"But I-"

"No buts," she rebuked, shaking a finger in his direction. "You should have been asleep anyway. We don't need you falling asleep in class. I'm a little disappointed in you, Ravi; you need to be responsible and set an example for Zuri."

_What about Luke? _He asked but didn't voice. _What about his responsibilities? Why must I always pick up the slack for the both of us? _

"Yes Jessie," he murmured obediently. "I'm sorry."

Jessie's face softened. She reached out to ruffle his hair-it took _all_ of his inner strength not to flinch under her touch. "It's okay. You're a teenager, you're gonna push my buttons," she chuckled. He did not. "So," there was a change of subject and her tone became chipper, "are you ready for your first day of junior year?"

_Am I ready for another year of disappointment and torment? I'd rather face the electric chair, quite honestly. _Ravi no longer had the zealous attitude his younger self had; now he dreaded school. The bullies he'd gotten away from for the summer would be returning, some for the last time as this was their senior year. The anxiety from the last school year was back with a vengeance, imagining the worst possible outcomes, and he hadn't even had breakfast yet.

"I remember my junior year," Jessie reminisced, not giving him any time to answer, thank the Gods. "I spent the whole year crushing on Caleb McFarland and planning on how to beat Darla for prom queen." Her head was tilted to the side, losing herself in the daydream.

"Did you win?" Ravi asked politely. Polite. That's how he was, the polite kid. It was easier to feigh inquisitiveness than to explain how much he wanted her to leave. It wouldn't have been very polite.

"Well," Jessie spluttered, shrugging in what she tried to pass off as nonchalant "it doesn't matter. That was years ago. And Caleb broke up with her at graduation anyway so..."

Ravi didn't know how Jessie did it; rejection after rejection and the most depressing homelife stories. Rarely had it all crashed on top of her, leaving her helpless and broken. _That's more than you can say. _

"Hey, are you okay?" Jessie must have noticed his despondent look. "What's wrong? You can talk to me if you need to, you know that, Ravi."

"Huh?" Ravi's head snapped up. He hadn't meant to lose himself like that. He couldn't afford to; not in front of other people. "Oh. Yes, I am fine. Just tired." It was an easy lie to pass off, almost _too_ easy as it slipped off his tongue.

The worry slid off her face and she laughed, believing it right away. She didn't have a reason not to. He almost wished her nanny instincts would kick in; perhaps question it because it wasn't typical behavior, not for him. "I'm not surprised. You spent most of your summer sleeping, you're almost as bad as Luke."

_Yes, it's always Luke. _"Speaking of Luke," Jessie rolled her eyes, "I better go see if he's up yet. You'd think at eighteen, he'd be a _little_ more responsible."

_Yes, you'd think, wouldn't you? _Ravi waited until she closed the door, hastily bundling up the bed attire and shoving it in the dirty clothes basket. He'd deal with it later. It wasn't likely for Bertram to decide that today, of all days, he'd do the laundry.

_Or any day_

Ravi yanked off a black shirt from the hanger, threw a plaid green shirt over it, leaving the front unbuttoned and pulled on a pair of jeans. He'd long given up on wearing obnoxious clothes all of the time. At first, Jessie and his parents were semi concerned (Ravi could give them that) but overall dismissed it as a phase to figure himself out.

What a load of _garbage. _

In the corner of the room there was a mirror, one that came from Emma's room. Jessie had suggested she give it to him instead of just throwing it away. _Why?_ Ravi had scoffed to himself at the time. What use would he have for it? To preen and admire himself? Occasionally, there would be a swift glance in the mirror as he got dressed, grimacing at what he saw.

He was too skinny

He had no muscle

He was too short

His knees were knobby

It was enough persuasion for him to sort of hide in his clothes and why he quit wearing shorts altogether unless it happened to be for PE.

Ravi pulled on a pair of socks and tied his shoes. Just for spite, he shut the curtains-however, beforehand, he stared down at the people below as they traveled to work or school. He imagined the happy, smiling faces of some and it made his blood boil. It was _unfair. _Ravi didn't try to act spoiled or entitled. He didn't want attention or pity. His bitterness was aimed at anybody these days. Anybody that was happy or living their best life. They had no right living that way when he was suffering.

_I suppose I should go downstairs and join the 'family'_, Ravi scowled. That inner rebellious part of him nudged him, encouraging that he just lay back in bed until Luke and Zuri left the table. If worst came to worst, he'd leave for school without any breakfast, not that it would be the first time. He'd have to be smarter this time around; the last time it created a slew of problems that still angered him to this day.

_Although I suppose I should applaud them for paying attention_, he thought sarcastically. _First time for everything._

He stalked toward toward the door, distantly catching wind of a low hissing noise. Oh. He'd nearly forgotten to let Mrs. Kipling out. She tended to be in an unpleasant mood after being cramped up in a cage for so long.

"Good morning, Mrs. Kipling," he murmured as he bent down, unlocking the latch on her cage. His pet growled as an acknowledgement, nuzzling against his outstretched hand. Ravi smiled genuinely at the gesture. _She_ understood him, even through the language barrier.

Yet the ones that could actually speak to him acted as though he was some sort of space alien.

Mrs. Kipling's growl met his ears. He stared into her eyes as she pleaded for food. "I am sorry, Mrs. K but you know you can't eat until later," he said apologetically, stroking along her back.

She expressed her indignation (he _swore_ she really did understand him sometimes) by inching away from him. Ravi ignored the pang of hurt in his heart. She'd get over it once Jessie fed her. _Oh who I am kidding? My own pet hates me. _

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I assure you, you won't starve. Jessie will fed you." _If she doesn't forget. _

"Ravi!" the door flew open; Jessie burst in, exclaiming. Ravi just about had a heart attack, jumping a foot in the air. "Get downstairs and eat or you'll be late. Mrs. Kipling will still be here when you get back."

That tiny glimmer of happiness he'd felt with Mrs. Kipling dissipated almost instantaneously.

He didn't say a word or even glance in her direction. If he had, he might have given her the impression that he was trying to burn holes through her head. _Or worse. _He picked himself off the floor and made his way out to the hallway. If he'd of stayed, he would have dealt with a mini lecture for not having his backpack ready like he was supposed to.

Like he'd been told to.

True to her word, there had definitely been fresh pancakes and waffles. The aroma hit his nostrils as soon as he neared the kitchen. _Well, I am a bit peckish. _As if on cue, his stomach growled embarrassingly loud. Perhaps skipping out on lunch _and_ dinner (with just a piece of toast in the morning that he eventually threw up) yesterday hadn't been the wisest of choices.

Food has been nauseating to him all day with the anticipation of school the next day. How could he have possibly eaten anything else? There was simply no desire for consumption.

Luke, Zuri and most peculiarly, Emma were seated at the kitchen table, partially eating their breakfast. Nobody was talking. Luke was stuffing his face per usual and the girls were glued to their cell phones. Bertram was huddled in the corner, reading one of those magazines he frequently bought, feet propped and munching on a bag of cheddar popcorn. _How can he eat that this early? _Neither his siblings or Bertram greeted him and he didn't say a word to them. That was how it was every morning, unless Jessie happened to be in the room and _maybe_ he might get a good morning if she wasn't already preoccupied. Ravi didn't hope or expect anything anymore.

He grabbed a plate from the cabinet, moving along to the counter where the food would be so as to help himself to some waffles. Upon lifting the paper towel off of the large serving plate, a ripple of scornful laughter came to the back of his throat. There wasn't any waffles besides a few stray crumbs. Just one measly pancake that was burnt on one side. He didn't even _like_ pancakes.

"Alright, who ate all the-oh," he said flatly, catching sight of Luke's syrupy face amid a rather large bite. His brother grinned, unfortunately granting him the ability to see the mush of chewed up waffles in his mouth. Almost immediately that queasiness returned. _Ugh, that's disgusting. Close your mouth. _

"Sorry, bro," Luke said in a tone that conveyed the exact opposite whilst shrugging. "Ya snooze, ya loose."

_You could have waited! You know I prefer waffles over pancakes! No, you deliberately did this to upset me. You're always trying to upset me. _Ravi ranted in his mind, leaving every single word unsaid. Oh what they would do if he _really_ spoke his mind. He took a deep breath and said with forced calmness, "Perhaps next time you could leave me a couple."

"Or maybe you could drag your butt downstairs on time," Zuri retorted with her signature 'attitude'. She tapped away on her phone, despite their parents' rule about no electronics at the table.

"Yeah," Luke chimed in, "what she said!"

_Stay out of it, Zuri, this isn't your conversation! _"Luke, this isn't the first time you've done this," he struggled to keep a hold on his temper, "I shouldn't have to ask for you to extend common courtesy."

"Oh my _God_, Ravi! Shut up, it's just a stupid waffle," Emma tore her eyes away from her own phone, aggervated by his persistence of the subject.

"But I-"

"If you're that upset just ask Bertram to make you some more," she went back to chatting with whomever, probably telling that person all about her deranged (_if_ she could spell it, to which he was skeptical of) brother and his petty concerns.

"I would but it's so far away,' Bertram interjected, waving a hand lazily toward the stove.

Ravi rolled his eyes, dropping his eyes toward the floor in defeat. "It is fine, I'll just make them myself," he muttered under his breath as he glanced on the box for the directions. _You should not have gotten so upset. It was just a waffle. You're overreacting. Again._ Just as he was acquiring an egg, Zuri spoke up again.

"You won't have time. Remember, we have to take the long way today because of all the construction?"

_No, because no one told me! _Ravi practically threw the ingredients back into the fridge, dumping the lone pancake onto his plate, which was surely cold by now. There was hardly any point in heating it up; he sat down as far away from his siblings as he was able to (difficult when they were scattered around the table).

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm taking a nap as soon as I get home," Zuri announced to no one in particular. "I forgot about school and stayed up till like four-thirty."

"Dude, me too," Luke snorted. "But I stayed up till five."

"You did not," Zuri argued, for once setting down her phone to properly discuss the matter. "I heard snoring."

"It was probably Ravi," Luke and Zuri snickered at the 'joke'. Ravi was unimpressed. "He almost inhaled the drapes once."

"You mean the time you two shared a bed in Spain?" Zuri asked, her face splitting into a wide grin at the reminder.

"Yeah," Luke confirmed, giggling. "And mom and dad wondered why I was tired. Try sleeping with Snore-A-Lot and you'll see why."

_Way to exaggerate, Luke. _Ravi took a bite of his food, suddenly remembering he'd forgotten his drink. He went ahead and got a glass of orange juice, sipping on it delicately while attempting to drown out the vexatious peels of laughter that erupted from his siblings. Did they truly have nothing more enjoyable to do than to pick on him?

The conversation did drift away from Ravi's supposed snoring and back to the topic of school. However, it was nothing more than complaints from both Luke and Zuri. Emma paid them no attention; she seemed to have grasped the ability of blocking out any other noise that didn't pertain to her interest.

_Lucky her_

"At least there's only three weeks until the first half day," Zuri tried to be somewhat positive.

Luke was having none of it, determined to be a debby downer. "That's too long," he groaned. "What am I gonna do until then?"

_Take initiative to improve your grades, instead of your social status, perhaps?_

It was a wonder he hadn't been forced to repeat his junior year. Luke's grades on his most recent report card were less than stellar, the poorest they had ever been. Yet by a miracle of some sorts, he'd been allowed to continue up to the next grade level _if_ he complied and went to summer school to improve on a few things. And he did; though he didn't have a choice. Ravi was still trying to figure out how Luke managed not to get grounded. Besides a lengthy lecture from their parents and Jessie, nothing was taken away or restricted.

_Of course not. Not for Luke._

"Wait a second," Luke said suddenly, as if he'd just had a major epiphany, "why are you up?" he directed this question toward Emma. _Did he really just notice?_

"Yeah," Zuri frowned, "I thought you were gonna sleep in till noon?"

"Afraid we'd leave without saying goodbye?" Luke teased.

"Please," Emma scoffed, "Jessie said I couldn't sleep in; something about acting like an adult even though I don't have a job or whatever. It's totes unfair."

_Some people are facing poverty or a terminal illness but yes, let's focus on your problems. _Ravi just about had it with their whining but couldn't say anything or they would turn on him again.

"Ravi, sweetie, did you wet the bed?" Jessie pushed the door to the kitchen open, carrying his wet pajamas and bed attire.

Ravi stared at her in horror, rendered speechless. All three of his siblings burst into laughter at his expense, nearing hysteria. Even Bertram chuckled a bit. _Jessie! Must you ask in front of everyone? Have you no concern for privacy? _

"Guys, stop it," Jessie scolded them, disappointed by their actions. _As if this was an unusual reaction._ " It's not funny."

"No, it's hilarious!" Zuri barely choked out the words.

The room felt like it was spinning, the air felt tight. Ravi swallowed thickly, unable to respond to her question due to the lump that formed in his throat. _Do not cry, don't you dare cry. It will make things worse. _

"Ravi?" Jessie prompted softly. She set the offensive items on the counter, disregarding the _I'm not cleaning that _from Bertram and sat down next to him, rubbing his back before he pulled away from her touch. "It's okay, there's nothing to be ashamed of. Lindsey Rodner wet the bed until she was eighteen."

"What a dor-" Luke started to say but shut up as soon as Jessie's withering glare came to him. _Why can she not be that way with him all the time? _

_Because he's her favorite. She isn't as annoyed anymore when he flirts with her_

_She's always been lenient with him_

_And always will be_

_It isn't fair_

_Nothing is ever fair, is it? _

_She's not going to listen to me. I cannot believe she just said it so openly_

_That's because she doesn't care. You're not her favorite. You're just the extra she's stuck with to care for _

Jessie then focused her concentration back onto Ravi. "Look, it's okay. Maybe you just drank too much last or-"

"He's just a bed wetter?" Luke quipped. There was a smirk on his face that Ravi wanted _so badly_ to wipe off. "Don't worry Ravi, I'm sure plenty of people your age still wet the bed. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

_Except for your use of a condescending tone_

"Luke's right," Jessie paused, torn between agreeing with her assessment or not, taking in consideration his less than _eloquent _way of putting things. "Sort of. Kind of. The point is, you shouldn't be ashamed. Most people go through it."

_But I never did. _Couldn't they just shut up? If Jessie had bothered to even _check_ she would have found that nothing smelled remotely close to urine. Why was he not surprised she did not?

"Can we talk about something else?" Emma interrupted, wrinkling her nose. "I'm trying to enjoy my coffee."

Jessie shot her a dirty look. The one that told her to have a little consideration; the same one often sent to his siblings when they were being insensitive toward him. Ravi knew that one by heart.

"It is fine," he stood up, taking his dishes to the sink where he rinsed them off. "I'll finish getting ready and perhaps we can leave soon after." He dodged Jessie's efforts at restarting the conversation, pretending to be thoroughly engrossed in washing the orange juice out of his cup.

"Okay," she sounded confused, dismayed that he was pushing her away. "But at least change into shorts. It's way too hot outside for jeans."

"Or maybe your whole outfit." Emma's eyes _bore_ into his back, he was sure of it. Probably cringing too. "Seriously, why are you dressed like someone died?"

"Maybe he's going goth?" Luke suggested.

"Luke, don't be ridiculous," Jessie told him, though she was somewhat unsure. "You're not, are you?" she had the audacity to ask.

_You've got to be kidding me! _

"No," he replied, amazed that he hadn't blown up yet. His temper was teetering back and forth, dangerously swaying. Didn't they _notice? _

"Oh," she uttered with the intelligence of a tadpole. "Well, even if you were-"

He zoned her out, unwilling to listen to another second of her incessant ramblings. Or anyone's for that matter. Did they not know him at all? If they had, they wouldn't have incorrectly assumed he'd wet the bed or was going through a ridiculous phase to 'express himself'.

He made his way back to his room, where he became aware his backpack was already arranged neatly on his bed; zipped up and ready to go. Obviously Jessie's doing. Because he couldn't be trusted to do it on his own.

_You don't deserve to be trusted_

Mrs. Kipling was nowhere to be seen. Good. He wasn't about to allow himself to unleash his anger on his beloved lizard. _She _didn't do anything to warrant it. _She_ was innocent.

Since Emma wasn't attending high school any longer, it meant she didn't monopolize the bathroom and he didn't have to be stuck as the last one in (which was a recurring theme around the penthouse).

He pressed his hands against the marble counter, leaning his forehead down on it; it was chilly against his heated skin. He was tired, just so _tired_ of everything. Raising his head, he turned on the water and splashed at his face. Maybe this would wake him up.

With water droplets falling down his face, his fatigued reflection stared back at him in the mirror with haunted eyes. Nowadays he avoided glancing in the mirror. A way not to ponder over old memories.

Ravi reached for his toothbrush-the first time in days. For nearly a week, he'd given up on basic hygiene practices-including bathing. He couldn't explain why other than he just...didn't feel up to it. In hindsight, it worsened things. Reminded him of his village and their lack of. _You have unlimited access and you're putting it to waste! __Mai_ _would be so disappointed. _Now that school was starting he'd gotten a shower the night before (an hour long, unintentionally. Jessie had been pounding her fist on the door, asking what was taking so long). He didn't need body odor (or bad breath) to give Mitch or anyone else any more fuel to use against him.

_I hope you're planning on doing something about...all of that_

Insecurity crept up. Ravi ran a comb through his hair; he'd used to spike it everyday but now little effort went into it. What was the point? They'd be ruined by the end of the day anyway; if Mitch had his way he'd have a swirly before lunch.

He brought the toothbrush up to his teeth; moving it methodically around his mouth, careful not to gag himself.

Had he always been so pale? Well, as pale as his olive skin could get.

Had his eyes always looked so sunken?

The pictures surrounding their home showed a happy, healthy child. As of recently, he was an entirely different person.

One that was seemingly hated by everyone.

But it didn't matter. He hated that person too.

Ravi was nearly done brushing when he heard a knock (a _pound_) on the door. "Ravi! Come on, it's my turn!" It was Zuri. Her voice was a bit frantic, perhaps she realized how much time they had left after wasting time checking her social media or the latest video.

"Can you not use the one in mom and dad's room?" he retorted, annoyed. He should have known. He never got a moments peace; even if he managed to squeeze in before anyone else, there would always be someone that forced him to rush. Why did he even bother to try?

"Mom says I'm not allowed to!" his sister yelled back.

Right. He'd forgotten. The last time she used their parents' bathroom she'd come out wearing some of their mother's most expensive make up and practically bathed herself in perfume. She spent the rest of the morning washing it off. Needless to say, their mother was quite peeved after Jessie had given her the rundown.

"Just open up. I still need to brush my teeth!"

_Well perhaps if you had obeyed our parents you would have time. _

"Can you not wait a moment longer? I still need to use the toilet."

"You should have done that already," Zuri said matter-of-factly, dismissing _his_ needs. "C'mon! Jessie's already on the warpath. You got Luke in trouble, ya know!"

"Oh, did I?" it was a bit risky, to let that much sarcasm in his voice. Right now, he just didn't care.

"Yeah for 'upsetting you'." He was certain she just used air quotes. "You were overreacting anyway."

_I was overreacting? It wasn't even my fault anyway. He should have kept his mouth shut. Serves him right. _Ravi did his business anyway, indifferent to her distress. She didn't care about him, she'd made that abundantly clear, so why should he care about her and her needs?

"RAVI!"

"Very well," he sighed irritably. He did as she requested begrudgingly. Seconds later, he was promptly shoved toward the door without any regard for him, to ask if he was done yet. No it was all about her. "Hey!"

"Move," she made shooing motions. "I have to get ready!"

"I haven't even gargled any mouthwash yet." She threw the bottle at him; he didn't catch it. "Very well, _I _will use mom and dad's room."

"Luke's in there," she said to which he stopped walking. "Try the kitchen sink."

The kitchen sink. His siblings were so selfish they couldn't spare a minute or two for him to finish. Typical.

"Forget it," he gave the bottle back to Zuri, muttering under his breath. He'd just grab a piece of gum; not a preferable solution but in this case, doable.

In a matter of five minutes, he was downstairs with his backpack slung over his shoulder and a minty piece of gum currently being chewed in his mouth. Unexpectedly, he encountered Luke, who was usually one of the last to get done on school mornings. This time, however, he was laying around on the couch, freshened up and properly clothed.

"Hey, so Jessie says I have to apologize, so sorry, I guess," his brother shrugged and popped one of his headphones into his ear.

_You cannot even try to act like you're sorry, can you? Is faking sincerity too much for you now?_

Ravi stood by the elevator, arms crossed and tried to adapt a neutral expression. _You don't want questions do you? Have some sense for Gods sake. _

"I just need five more minutes! Just let me blend my eyeshadow!"

"You should have thought about that before wasting so much time," Jessie told her as they came down the stairs, all but dragging his sister along. She began counting them off. "Alright, Luke's here, Ravi's here, Zuri's here-Emma!"

"What?" they heard a yell from upstairs.

"I want you to get started on your school work by the time I get back, okay? No later than eight."

"But Jessie," Emma came to the top of the banister, having changed from her pajamas to a white, fluffy robe. They'd caught her before she showered, evidently. "It's an _online_ class, I can do it anytime."

"But you're going to do it when I say so," Jessie was firm. "Besides, you'll have more time to work on your fashion deigns."

Emma had grown quite serious about wanting to become a fashion designer and was currently devoting as much time as possible to creating the 'best of the best' fashion line.

"Ooooh, you're right," She clapped her hands together, excited. "Good thinking, Jessie!" She disappeared back to the bathroom.

"At least one kid thinks so," Jessie muttered then turned her attention back onto the other three. "Alright, you all ready to go?"

They nodded-Luke and Zuri's being more of mournfulness.

"You're sure?" she probed. "You aren't forgetting anything?"

"How could we? You've been asking us for two days," Zuri sassed. Jessie ignored this.

"Ravi, did you get your lunch? I made sure it's chicken salad this time, not tuna."

Oh how she'd been so surprised when he corrected her that he, in fact, did not like tuna despite her insistence that he did.

He did not. He grabbed it off the counter and stuffed it into his backpack, returning to his original spot just in time to witness her lecture to his siblings.

"Zuri, if I get another call about using your phone in class it's gone. No warnings, it's mine for a month."

His sister gasped in shock.

"And Luke, don't mess around this year. It's important, got it?" she raised her eyebrows as he hastily removed the earbud from his ear.

"Heh. Right."

"And try to look out for Ravi, okay? I think he's having a rough time," Jessie moved in closer to Luke, whispering discreetly, or so she thought. Ravi overheard everything.

"I guess."

"No, not 'you guess', do it. Ravi's your brother and brothers look out for each other."

"Okay, fine. And Jessie?"

"Yes?"

"Can I have a kiss goodbye?"

**"****Go to school," she rolled her eyes. **


	3. Chapter 3

Perhaps Jessie had been correct, the temperature _was_ a tad scorching, much higher than he had anticipated. A trickle of sweat dropped down the back of his neck followed by another and another. His shirt clung to his clammy skin which only worsened the issue-and they'd only been exposed to the heat for a total of six and a half minutes (he'd counted).

It was a sauna out there. All things considered, it would have behooved them to carry a water bottle for hydration, albeit none of them had thought that far. It wouldn't have surprised him in the least if the paint began to peel off the buildings or signs. The hottest temperature of the summer so far was happening today, nearing the record high set quite a few years back.

_Stop whining. It's your fault. You should have listened to Jessie _

He should have known; dark colors on an excruciatingly hot day was suicide. _If only it were that easy. _What if the teachers left the windows open all day? He would be hot, hot and sweaty. Hot and sweaty all day until school was over. It wasn't as if he could simply take off his shirt-

"Ravi!" The blaring noise of a car horn surrounded him. He thought he heard someone yelling but wasn't quite sure. Slowly, he blinked, trying to get a grip on his bearings. Zuri and Luke were at the end of the crosswalk, motioning wildly for him to move. To his left, the driver of the abruptly stopped car was yelling obscenities and shaking her fist. _Now look what you've done. _

People were staring, snickering, shaking their heads. With a little more pace in his step, he hurried to the end of the crosswalk and joined his siblings. They were understandably exasperated, maybe even mortified.

_I know I would be if I had a brother that was a disappointment_

"Dude, what was that?" Had Luke not gone through majority of puberty, his voice would have heightened in pitch. His eyes were wide and there was some kind of emotion clouding over his face that Ravi couldn't name. _Amusement? _ "You just stopped. That's weird even for you."

He couldn't even act concerned without insulting him? _Should I be happy he noticed? _

"You could've gotten hit by that car," Zuri frowned.

Ravi saw the driver of that car start to head off, not without giving him the finger, though. "I know," he sighed heavily. He just wanted to get on with it or they _would_ be late. "Can we just go? I still need to go to my locker."

"Are you sure?" Luke was oddly...caring. _Why?_ "We can take a break if you need to."

_So you can make fun of me for it later? _

This was a joke, something to make him let his guard down. Ravi narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He didn't know what Luke had planned to do to him, presumably in retalience for the lecture Jessie had put him through, but he knew one thing: he wasn't falling for it.

"I'm fine," he replied coolly, promptly turning on his heel and continuing their walk. "Unless you would care to be late on the first day, I suggest you start walking."

He didn't see Luke and Zuri exchanging concerned glances or hear the subtle whisper.

All he wanted to do was arrive safely. People, people made him nervous. And being in New York, there were far too many roaming the streets for his liking. Some tried to be friendly and smile, others ignored him and some were just pain rude; exhibit a being Miss-distracted-and-drinking-expensive-coffee-that-nearly-spilled-on-him.

_You were in her way. Everyone knows you should stick to the end of the sidewalk. But noooo, you're too mad at the world to care or remember. If anyone's rude, it's you_

The rest of the way there was a blur to Ravi. He knew he was moving; his legs were averaging at a sufficient stride and he was passing by several buildings. But it was all in a haze; slow motion. His hand flew up to his head. Was he dizzy? Should he have eaten more breakfast?

_You would have if Luke hadn't ate it all _

Why didn't he just stay in bed? Fake a cold that would have mysteriously vanished in a few days or create realistic looking vomit to spew all over his bed. It was uncharacteristic of him, more of a stunt Luke would pull after procrastinating on an assignment for two weeks.

"I can't believe it!" Ravi flinched. "Hailey Long just posted a picture of her and Kate Saunders walking to school together."

"So?" Luke didn't understand what the big deal was, and for once, Ravi had the same train of thought. "What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong is that she didn't ask me to walk with her," Zuri huffed, vexed by the situation and her brother's ignorance.

"I thought you hated her?"

"That doesn't mean she gets to exclude me like that," their sister flipped some of her hair back, tying it into a short ponytail. "I've never done that to her."

"Actually, didn't you dump a bucket of blue paint over her head and Jessie had to come get you and practically beg the teacher not to ban you from class?" Luke mused.

Zuri waved the thought away, shrugging. "Yeah but that's in the past." A moment passed by and she added, "I'm sure glad I don't have Mrs. Rodriguez this year. She was cray cray with a capital C."

Ravi's hands clenched and unclenched. There was a great desire to defend this teacher, she didn't deserve to be a victim of Zuri's jokes. Had she completely lost her manners? It was entirely unacceptable!

_Speak up and say something if you're so upset _

_Why? So they can think I'm crazy? _

_Maybe you are crazy_

Was he? Was everything just in his head? No one else seemed to discern anything other than what was going on in their own little world. Maybe he _was_ crazy and the issues he was facing was all apart of a delusion.

If that was the case, how does one escape? God knows he wanted to.

There it was, they'd made it with fifteen minutes to spare. _How fortunate_. Zuri trotted off to the middle school portion of the building, bopping her head to the music streaming from her phone.

Ravi's heart hammered almost too forcefully for one person to bear. He was sure he was trembling or perhaps his legs were merely caught off guard from the walk they'd made; he hadn't so much as left the penthouse all summer long unless Jessie dragged him.

He felt sick; nauseous. With the combination of the heat, his nerves and lack of proper nutrition, he could've very well upchucked at any moment. He inhaled and exhaled, slowly, becoming frantic as the sensation arose further until it was at the very back of his throat.

_No, please no_

He pinched the bridge of his nose, harder and harder until it _hurt_. He swallowed thickly, grimacing at the traces of bitter acid in his throat. The nausea left, a massive relief to his stomach but the fluttering butterflies did not. He lifted his head, his eyes making eye contact with a couple of girls that he didn't remember the names of. They glanced at him, bursting into giggles and whispering.

_It's about you. You're weird. They think you're weird and school hasn't even started_

Ravi was used to that sort of behavior. Everyone thought that way, even the teachers. Even his family.

He was curious as to why his brother hadn't said a word, even after he was hunched over, ready to vomit on the sidewalk. _What is he-oh. Of course. _Luke had already gone inside. Without him.

He sighed, shoulders slumping. Of course he wouldn't walk in with him. Not with the nerdy outcast of the school. Luke was popular and popular people didn't associate with the losers. Not even if that loser was his own brother.

_Should I have expected different? _His smile was bitter.

The school had virtually stayed the same, save for the 'Welcome Back' banner that hung over the staircase, facing the front doors. Students crowded the hallways, conversations erupting in loud voices over how their summers had been and who had what classes. Unlike everyone else Ravi didn't have anyone to meet up with. _Shocker there. _A quick stop at his locker to drop off his heavy afternoon textbooks was needed and then he could make a head start toward his first hour, English.

A map of the school would have surely been helpful; Ravi was keen on avoiding the jocks or anyone of high stature. Most of the popular people lingered in the cafeteria until the warning bell rang, but it wasn't unusual to see a few stray ones in the hallway or an empty classroom doing God knows what. (He preferred not to think of the possibilities).

Luke hung out with the jocks typically, despite not being involved in any kind of sport himself. His presence lured the others in while Ravi's repulsed them.

"Well, look who it is, boys."

Ravi's breath hitched in fear. _He shouldn't be here. Why is he here? _

"Looks like little Robby decided to come after all," Mitch cracked his knuckles threateningly.

"Did Mrs. Mommy and Mr. Daddy make you?" one of Mitch's friends teased.

It had been once, one time Luke blurted out that at an earlier point in time that was the way he'd refer to their parents. Seemingly innocent enough until he was cornered in the hallway, conveniently when there was no sign of a teacher in sight, and taunted over it.

Jessie said it would go away.

Zuri and Emma giggled because it _was_ a bit funny.

Luke said to get over it and stop being so dramatic. They were just having fun.

Never mind that it bothered him; never mind that it shouldn't have been exposed in the first place.

Ravi tried to maneuver around them as the junior locker hallway was fairly close but being that they were a lot bigger than he was, it left little room to pass.

"Hey!" It was the dream resurfacing. Mitch grabbed the front of his shirt, bringing him in, invading any person space that either of them had. "I was talkin to you, Ross."

"I heard you," Ravi responded weakly.

"Then answer me, stupid!"

_Are you really calling me stupid when you're the one that had to repeat eighth grade? _He gave Ravi a rough shake, putting a strain on his delicate stomach and furthering a headache that had just begun to commence. When it was all said and done, Mitch let him go but not before he shoved Ravi with his huge, meaty hands. It sent him tumbling to the floor, sprawling out on his back.

_Owww. _Something in his backpack, a book or the protractor needed for geometry, was poking him right in the spine. The sound of Mitch and his friend sniggering was difficult to make out over the blood that was pounding in his ears. Were other students laughing as well? Had they witnessed his helplessness?

Mitch bent down beside him, clamping his elbow down on Ravi's scrawny forearm. He gasped at the sudden onset of intense pain, emitting squeaky breaths. "Does that hurt little Robby?" Mitch taunted as he dug in further, causing Ravi to cry out. "Awww poor Robby."

_Where are the teachers? _Didn't anyone hear him? They must have; a student at least. Why wasn't anyone stepping in to help? _Because no one cares. Because you're not popular. People only care about the popular people. _

_People only care about you when you're gone. _

"Look at him!" Mitch's friend pointed to a squirming Ravi, overcome with a bout of laughter.

"I'm barely doing anything," Mitch chuckled.

_Barely? Considering my arm is turning blue I'd say otherwise. _

"God, what a dork."

"Please," Ravi was defeated. Begging was the _last_ thing he wanted to do to Mitch of all people. He'd hoped it would all subside after a minute or so, until he got bored. As intimidating as he was, Mitch had a short attention span. _Except when it comes to me. _"I shall do your homework or whatever it is you want me to do, just get off of me." He whispered it, pushing back his tears of pain.

Feigning a thoughtful expression, Mitch tapped his chin with his free hand. "Tempting," he said with a nasty grin. "Very tempting."

"Make him do mine too, dude," Mitch's friend suggested. Mitch nodded stupidly.

"Yeah, yeah. Do Ethan's too! Got that, Ross?"

Ravi didn't have time to answer; the sound of high heels clicking filled the area and upon glancing up, he saw a rather stern looking older woman with her greying hair pulled back in a tight bun.

"Just _what_ is going on here?" she demanded, crossing her arms across her chest. She squinted at Ravi and Mitch through her glasses. "Why are you on the floor, young man?"

As he did with every teacher, Mitch switched to his innocent. Ravi was baffled as to how he suckered them all in, even the principal. "Ravi fell, ma'am. I was just helping him up."

_Liar!_ Ravi screamed in his mind. He staggered to his feet, inching backwards towards the wall with an accusing finger pointed at the bully. "I didn't fall, he shoved me!" This woman must be new, the new fill in for the library position that was needed to be fulfilled after their previous librarian retired. Maybe she would believe him.

This new woman pursed her lips, flipping her gaze from Mitch to Ravi. "He shoved you?" she was clearly irritated at having to deal with the situation this early in the morning.

"He's lying ma'am," Mitch's friend, Ethan, added to the frustration. _Shut up! _"Ravi always lies."

"He does, does he?" The new woman's disapproving gaze was back on him. He could've cried. Trust Mitch and his friend to ruin the only possible person he might have been able to turn to. "What's your name?" she addressed Ravi.

"Ravi Ross," he could feel a blush staining his cheeks.

"What grade are you in?" she had taken out a notepad and was writing this information down.

"Eleventh," he replied, ashamed.

"I'll keep my eye on you. It's the first day so I'll be lenient, but you can bet your bottom dollar if I hear that you're crying bully again you'll be in the principal's office faster than you can say detention," with that, she walked away, muttering under her breath about delinquent brats.

Tears brimmed in his eyes and this time he didn't fight it. It was just the first day and he already had an authoritative enemy. Why couldn't Mitch just leave him _alone_?

His backpack was weighing down his shoulder so he slid it off, dropping it to the floor. Or, that's what he intended to do; Mitch seized his backpack, zipping it open and allowed the contents to fall to the floor. Ethan came forward, kicking his pencil holder to the far side of the school.

"Opps," Mitch shrugged, grinning wickedly. "My bad, Robby." He clapped Ravi on the back, enough to take his breath away. He and Ethan departed, laughing and pushing each other. Ravi remained, staring at the mess emotionlessly.

"Good morning, class." Despite having to spend a few minutes cleaning up, reorganizing his backpack and _finally_ arriving at his locker to exchange textbooks; Ravi made it to his first hour class on time. Fortunately Mitch wasn't in that class. Unfortunately, it wasn't as early as formally anticipated so he was stuck with a seat in the very far back row, against the wall. It might not be all that bad, without the limelight of the front row, there might not be any disturbances to his education. He didn't think he could take another spitball.

The teacher was a pretty young woman, unlike the new librarian. She must have just been out of college or whatever educational institution she attended. Her hair was honey brown and pulled into a high ponytail that showed off her petite face. She looked out of place in the dull classroom with her bright pink shorts, neon green shirt and bright red lipstick. She even wore a pair of converse the same shade as her lipstick.

_She must be new as well_

With a critical eye, she peered over the class, raising a brow at the lack of obedience. _She'll get used to it, unfortunately._ Barring Ravi and a girl that was a row over, everyone else was chatting absentmindedly or checking their cell phones. _Can we say addiction? _

"If y'all don't wanna lose those phones of yours you'd better put them away."

It was like magic; they were shoved simultaneously into backpacks or pockets and all attention was on her.

"Thank you," she said with a sweet smile. "I'm Miss Zenon-"

"Like the movie?" one girl interjected, only to look sheepish when all eyes turned to her. "Sorry..."

_Do you not have any manners? _

Miss Zenon laughed. "Yes, exactly. Just like the movie," she reached into one of the drawers to her desk. "Here, have a kit kat," she tossed it at the girl who caught it easily. "Any other questions?"

"Are you single?" One of the boys to Ravi's right quipped. The rest of the boys, excluding Ravi, snickered.

_Immaturity at its finest_

Miss Zenon smirked. "Any other _appropriate _questions?"

Katie Zimmerman raised her hand. "If I may, how old are you? You seem a little bit young for a teacher."

_I am quite interested to know myself_

Miss Zenon shrugged. She must have expected that particular question to arise. "Twenty two. I graduated high school pretty early."

_That's so impressive _

"Whoa, so you're like a genius," Ben Frailey marveled. "Why'd you become a teacher then?" He scoffed at the end. Ravi bit his tongue to avoid speaking. And avoid a punch later. He'd been there and done that already.

"I'm not really a 'genius' per say," Miss Zenon used air quotes, amusement sparkling in her eyes, "I just process stuff easier. And I like working with kids, sorry, _young adults_," she corrected herself with a smile. "They're interesting. My mom wanted me to be a doctor or lawyer or a scientist." She let out a snort.

"How did she react when you became a teacher instead?" Katie asked with curiosity in her voice. "Was she mad?"

"Not really mad but just disappointed because she thought I was wasting my intelligence," Miss Zenon explained. "You know how it is, parents just want the best for their kids."

The class was silent, mulling over her answers.

"But why English?" Ben burst out. "What's so great about that?"

Miss Zenon leaned back against her desk, legs crossed at the ankle with her elbows propped for support. She seemed pleased that he asked. "I've always loved it; loved writing essays and reading through the stories. It's very relaxing to me and I hope this year some of you may realize you enjoy it too."

"Oh boy, another Ravi," someone whispered, eliciting stifled laughter from the rest of the class.

Ravi's cheeks reddened when Miss Zenon's gaze fell on him, granted, she didn't exactly know it was him but it wasn't hard to deduce.

_What did I ever do to become the laughing stock of the school? _

"See now that's not gonna work," she came to a standing position again, raising her eyebrows. "I don't tolerate bullying, cyberbullying or whatever it is you kids are using nowadays. I don't care if you don't like someone for whatever reason; in this classroom it's not gonna fly. Now if I hear another remark like that or worse, you're going to the principal's office. No warnings, no nothing. You guys are juniors, you're old enough to know better. I shouldn't have to say this."

_You shouldn't, yet you have to _

There was a low murmuring that echoed around the classroom. Some of the more vocal students didn't appreciate the reprimand or knowing that while in Miss Zenon's class they weren't going to get away with nearly as much as they could elsewhere. Ravi was almost...hopeful.

"Look, I don't want to be 'that' teacher," Miss Zenon told them, "I don't want to be super strict with y'all and do boring projects and essays all the time. I want this to be a time where you guys can grow creatively and relax. But if no one wants to cooperate I'll gladly give you guys enough work for a few hours of homework every night. Is that what you want?"

_I think I might actually like her _

The class gave a collective no.

"Good," her face softened and she clapped her hands. "Now that we got _that_ out of the way, let's work on some introductions and a little info about yourself."

"But Miss Zenon," It was Katie again, raising her hand, "what about the syllabus? We haven't gone over it yet."

An 'Oh crap' grimace crossed Miss Zenon's face. She'd evidently forgotten about it. "Oh, yeah. I suppose we should," she picked up a copy of the paper, studying it. "Eh, you'll hear about it in your other classes too, no need to go over it completely." She set it back down. "I only have three rules, really: no bullying, no food unless I say it's okay and be in your seat by the time the bell rings. Other than that, you guys are in charge of this-to an _extent_," she added when a few people smirked. "Don't think you're getting out of homework."

Miraculously, Ravi could feel a tad excited about this class. Not only was Miss Zenon proving herself to be a competent teacher, but this didn't resemble his previous English classes at all. Sometimes teachers would regard him with cation, expecting him to be another Luke. Other times they just flat out told him how much of an annoyance he was for wanting to answer every question (which was probably not allowed but he wasn't about to go stirring up a ruckus).

_If you weren't such a try hard they wouldn't have anything to use against you _

_They are teachers; they shouldn't use anything against a student _

_But they do it to you. How pathetic is that? _

_It's...it's not my fault_

_Than who's is it? Luke's? _

Ravi almost jumped out of his seat. Something scratchy touched his arm. It was just someone passing him a paper; he was the last one to receive one. _Typical_. The girl (he was fairly terrible at remembering names, even thus far in his high school career) was staring at him weirdly. He could have sworn she made a crazy gesture as she returned to her friends.

He glanced at the paper that had a dozen questions ready to be filled out.

_What is your name? _

_Where did you grow up at? _

_Do you have any siblings? _

_What is your favorite food? _

_What is your favorite book? _

_What is your favorite movie? _

_What is your favorite genre of music? _

_What are your hobbies?_

_What's your favorite school subject ? P.s. Lunch doesn't count _

_What do you want to do after graduation? _

_If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be? _

The last one wasn't really a question; it did provoke some anxiety from within.

_Draw yourself with enough room in the middle; write down how you think of yourself (A minimum of three) and how you think others perceive you (A minimum of three). Then share with a classmate and write how you think of that person. _

_No, no, no_

She couldn't be serious. Was she _trying_ to to stir things up? They wouldn't let an opprotunity to torture him to go to waste. Just his luck. Of course when he thought everything was going well and that bomb dropped on him.

"You have," she looked at the watch on her wrist, "let's say ten minutes. Ten minutes to work on your answers and ten minutes for a classmate. Go!"

Ravi slumped; his headache was much worse now. It wasn't as if he had a choice in the matter, he didn't want to get sent to the principal's office for insubordination. He reached into his backpack and unzipped his pencil case. He could do this, it wouldn't be that hard. Shouldn't be.

The first few questions were easy enough, though he did tense up at having to answer, _yes, _he did have siblings. He was unsure if a simple yes would be adequate or if she wanted a more detailed explanation that included their names and ages. He chose the latter.

Now when it came to the others, that was when it grew more difficult. He didn't have a particular food that was his favorite. He'd grown fond of curry and waffles were a preferred substance. He wrote those down.

Music wasn't something he listened to enough to accumulate favorites. What would he even write down for the movie portion? It had been months since he'd sat down and watched one. Zuri, Emma or Luke usually dominated the TV anyway, giving him less of a chance to watch anything.

_You haven't really tried either _

The book question stumped him for a moment. He had read many books and harbored a multitude of favorites. His parents had given him another bookshelf to accommodate them all. What should he choose? He wondered. He ended up writing down the most recent one.

Did he have any hobbies? Video games used to be something he enjoyed doing with Luke before _stuff_ happened. As of recently, it didn't provide any sort of pleasure as it once had. Big fat nope to that one. Not unless baking counted. Then again, he wasn't very good.

_You aren't good at a lot of things _

He added reading. That was something he could do for hours and never grow bored with.

He answered the one about his favorite school subject and tackled on the next two. He honestly hadn't given much thought of life after graduation. _You should, you only have two years left. Do you intend on procrastinating your entire life? _He'd wanted to pursue something science related as a child but, now that he really thought about it, would he even qualified?

"Annnd done!" Miss Zenon announced. Ravi's jaw dropped. He hadn't meant to daydream that long. He..he wasn't even finished! "Now switch with a classmate."

Everyone around him partnered up, chatting lowly. Everyone except him. Did they not have enough students? Was he going to be alone? _Again. _He noticed that a girl, the one who had passed him the paper earlier, didn't have a partner either. She glanced around, purposefully avoiding Ravi's eye. _She doesn't want you as her partner. No one does. _Her friends were together and giving her sympathetic looks. One whispered into her ear.

"Is there a problem?" Miss Zenon asked her after realizing she was still seated.

"Uh, no, Miss Zenon," she mumbled, resigned. "Just getting my things." Because there was no other option, she trudged over and sat in the desk next to Ravi, not even making an effort to act friendly. Without so much as saying hello, she switched the papers and immediately turned her eyes on him, irked.

"You didn't even finish it," she whispered incredulously. "It was literally the easiest assignment ever. How did you not finish?"

_Because you're stupid, that's why. You can't even answer a few questions_

"I just ran out of time," it was half the truth. When he wasn't critiquing himself, he was struggling to come up with an answer that didn't border pathetic. Most of the questions were for happy, optimistic people that had dreams, goals. Who had bright futures ahead of them.

_Hannah_, as indicated by her paper, rolled her eyes. She was angry. Angry at him. "Ugh, you didn't even do the last one."

_Look what you've done _

_And it's just the first day _

_Why are you even here if you insist upon messing up every single time? _

"I am very sorry," he was sincere. Why did they have to have partners anyway? It would have saved him the trouble of wasting her time.

"Whatever," she huffed. "Just do mine, kay? Least I'll get half credit."

He did, suppressing a yawn. The pencil felt unnaturally heavy. Was it just him? Did others feel that too? _You're such a freak. _He didn't know much about Hannah so he stuck to basics; kind, intelligent and- He glanced at her, stumped. What else was there to say?

He settled on funny, rather inaccurate given that he couldn't recall ever interacting with her before.

"Thanks," she sounded the opposite but he wouldn't dwell.

_You do enough of that already _

They were the first group done. Neither of them felt like conversing which was fine by Ravi. He kept his mouth shut and passed the time by tapping his foot on the floor. Hannah twisted in her chair, facing her friends and waited until she had thought Miss Zenon wasn't paying attention to try and whisper. Probably about him. Probably about how he failed as a partner and she was going to suffer if they were taken for a grade.

She didn't account for Miss Zenon turning back around just as her lips were moving. She froze, laughing sheepishly. Their teacher was not impressed.

"What's your name?"

"Hannah Newman," Hannah mumbled. The whole class stopped to stare.

"Hannah, why aren't you working with your partner?"

"We're done."

"This early?" Miss Zenon wasn't convinced. "And you answered _all_ the questions and did the last one?"

"Well, no," Hannah was forced to admit, "but it wasn't my fault! _Ravi_ didn't finish them all!" She jerked her thumb back at him. Miss Zenon's gaze flickered to him and it wasn't angry or upset like he'd expected. _Like it should have been. _

"Can you tell me why, Ravi?" she asked him kindly.

"I-I just ran out of time," he said truthfully.

"That's okay," she told him. "I expected there to be a few like that. If you want, you can-" out of the corner of her eye she saw someone's hand raised. "You could have waited until I was done talking..." she soon forgot all about Ravi and focused on that other boy.

_Did you expect any different? _

The end of class could not come fast enough. Just before the two minute mark, they were instructed to return back to their original seats and to rearrange any moved desks the way it had been. Hannah was glad she didn't have to be near him anymore. Ravi wasn't surprised by the whispers or glances in his direction when she and her friends were reunited.

Miss Zenon sat on the edge of her desk, swinging her legs back and forth. "Well, guys, that was painless, right?"

Some shrugged.

"Tomorrow we'll read some of those papers out loud and get started on our first unit. As you walk out, hand your paper to me unless you think you won't lose it between now and then."

The bell rang just seconds after. Ravi was the last one to stand up. He'd just get shoved anyway. He handed Miss Zenon his still incomplete paper and was about to move on to his next class when she stopped him.

"Ravi, wait!"

He turned back around.

"Are you sure you want to hand this in? I'm grading it right after we read a few and I don't want to give you half credit on your first assignment," she frowned. "Don't you want to take this home and work on it? I won't count it against you if you do."

_It's not like it matters. You'll just fail anyway _

_But she might call my parents or Jessie_

_Pifft. Like they'll care. You're just the little weirdo that they don't know what to do with _

"Erm, yes ma'am," he reached for it back. _You're such a goody goody. Yes ma'am, yes ma'am. What a nerd. _

"Well don't let me twist your arm," she peered at him, taking a moment before speaking again. "Are you okay?"

_No _

_I've never been okay _

"I'm just tired," he lied.

Miss Zenon chewed on her lower lip. "I'm not surprised. It'll probably take time to get used to this whole school thing again."

"Yes," he nodded. "Miss Zenon, if I may, I need to-" he gestured toward the door.

"Oh! Right!" There were a few students lingering by the door. "Yeah, sure. See you tomorrow, Ravi."

He didn't bother to reply. His mind replayed the events that just occurred over and over again. Disappointment. He was only ever eliciting disappointment from everyone.

_Why don't you just end it and get it over with? _


	4. Chapter 4

Ravi threw open the door to the bathroom stall; toppling to the floor after having thrown his backpack to the side. He hovered above the toilet, gripping it with tightly pressed hands. He could feel his heart pulsing unsteadily and a sweat breaking out on his forehead. _They're going to hear me and I will never live this down. _Behind him, there was minimal noise from the few boys that had gotten there before him. He'd been hoping to arrive before _he_ did, perhaps more specifically, before _they_ did.

_You're so weak _

_You're so pathetic _

_You should just go home, you're going to fail anyway _

_Why are you even here?_

It was only halfway through the school day, not even in actuality but Ravi was done. _Done_.

In science, he had chosen a seat that was unknowingly being reserved for one of the cheerleaders. Someone much higher up on the social food chain then he. And, as any hormonal-crazed teenager would do, her boyfriend was eager to impress which meant his latest victim was Ravi. He was seized, thrown upward then shoved to the floor. He was threatened with more physical violence should he do it again.

_If you weren't such a dork, people might actually like you _

History was no better. Just as he was about to sit down, after a difficult selection because, really, no seat was safe from torment when Mitch was there, his seat was pulled out from underneath him. It sent him crashing to the floor on his butt. This didn't faze him. He didn't react with tears or even blush from the embarrassment they were determined to cause. There was laughter, there was the quick flashing of pictures taken so they could gossip later to their friends about what happened to Ravi "the lizard boy" Ross. It wasn't worth caring about. Nothing was anymore.

_I shouldn't have come. I don't want to be here. _

Finally it came time for the one class that he could have done without. PE. It was the last class before lunch and the one he was most uneasy about. The upperclassmen were lumped together, some for this current hour and others for the following. It was to keep aside more time for the athletic students to train. The high school prided itself on their sports teams.

Luke was in that class. In fact it was the only one they shared. Ravi had wanted to vomit the moment he found out about his brother's schedule. Why did he have to share _everything _with him? Their parents, the penthouse, school and now this!

_Deep breaths_, Ravi rocked back and forth. _Deep breaths._ It was simply too much, the knowledge that even at school, in the very class he despised, Luke would be there. Mitch would be there. And there was no way to escape.

All of the sudden, a barrage of loud voices and laughter erupted, bouncing off the walls. Startled, Ravi jerked-falling to his butt for the second time that day.

"Dude, I can't believe you stood up to her like that." That was Mitch, sniggering. "How'd you not get a detention?"

"It's all about the freckles." Ravi's stomach churned. _Luke_.

More animalish laughter ensued.

They sounded close. Ravi inwardly debated on whether he should stay in there. It would mean a negative remark, _on the first day_ that would surely result in Jessie finding out or Luke telling her (he paused, snorting. Who was he kidding? As if Luke would notice his absence).

_That's it, ruin your future _

_I don't have a future anymore _

_Not the way you're going _

Ravi stood up on shaky legs, pulling down the handle to flush. He wiped away the excess saliva that was hanging around the outsides of his mouth_. Ugh, gross. _ Luckily, he hadn't actually thrown up or the other boys would have heard him gagging.

Although he'd have a sort of fair excuse as to why; the boys locker room reeked. That permanently soaked stench of sweaty socks and body odor would hit anyone that approached the door. It certainly didn't help that a great deal of the male student population was unaware as to what a shower was. Or clean underwear for that matter.

Just around the corner, huddled in a circle that was causing most, if not all, of the obnoxious noise was Luke and his buddies. They were yelling and slapping each other on the back. Ravi made it a point to stay as far away from him as possible. He didn't know if Luke remembered that fine detail of them being in the same hour; either way he didn't need to announce it.

_Do not make eye contact and everything will be alright _

_I hope _

Ravi screamed shrilly as something, _someone_ rammed into him. He was pushed onto the stone cold floor with a throbbing pain in his head. _Does he not get enough pleasure from class alone? _But it wasn't Mitch. It was Luke whose body had hit him. _Of course! If it's not Mitch, it's Luke. what a surprise. _

It must have been the result of him and his friends messing around. They did that; with absolutely no regard for anyone else that might be nearby.

"Ravi," he just now noticed him, furrowing his eyebrows. "You're in this class?" The confusion lacing Luke's voice was like a slap to the face. The discussion had not been but a week ago. Had he truly forgotten that fast?

"Yes, Luke," Ravi kept his tone neutral in case the big, scary guys that stood in close rang would attack. _Maybe I want them to. At least I would not have to suffer through this._ "We talked about this with Jessie, remember?"

"No," Luke snorted and his goonies did too. Ravi watched as his brother returned to the conversation he'd been having, utterly aloof to his own brother. He didn't expect a grand gesture or groveling at his feet...but a little _sincere_ apology would have been nice.

_As if that would ever happen_, Ravi went on the other side of the room where no one else was. He _hated_ that they had to strip in front of other people, strangers that would have qualms about teasing him for his poorly structured body. The other boys were muscular and tall; he was tiny and skinny. _Oh why can we not change in the bathrooms? _By all rights, there was no rule that stated they couldn't, but Ravi had seen other boys tortured for being a "sissy" for doing the same thing.

He took his gym uniform out of his backpack, slowly peeling off his normal clothes and putting them into the locker. His upper body was where he was the most self conscious at; noodle arms, flat yet abeless abdomen. _There are children in better shape than you_.

He was almost done when he heard footsteps creeping up. _Oh Gods no_. He whirled around to see Luke standing there, dressed in his own uniform.

"What?" he asked, a little too defensively one might say.

His brother smirked. "Just wanted to say you might wanna watch yourself out there, little bro. PE can get a little..._crazy_."

Every single muscle tensed. His breathing became shallow. Ravi had been in PE with Luke before, inflicted with plenty of injuries, some minor and some not. Those days were nightmare inducing. _And it seems as though they will be again_.

And well, he wasn't about to show Luke that his words scared him-that was just begging to be beat up. And Ravi was smarter than that.

"I understand," he said coolly. "Thank you, brother for the warning but I can handle myself out there."

Luke held his hands up in surrender, amusedly. "Of course _brother_," he said mockingly. He walked away, leaving with his friends. The door slammed shut behind them.

_What a great first day_

* * *

"Alright, listen up maggots!" Couch Miller hollered. He was a burly man; ex military, he'd heard, which was what made him so strict and scary. "I'm Couch Miller and if there's anyone in this class that isn't going to work hard this year, then you just up and leave."

Ravi didn't think there was anyone that would have the audacity to do that, except maybe for Mitch or Luke.

"Good," Couch Miller observed the room with an approved nod when no one moved. "This is junior/senior PE as I'm sure you're all well aware. If you're not, you're stupid." Mitch raised his hand. "Yes-?"

"Mitch Tyler, Sir," Mitch said. _What a suck up. _

"Yes, Tyler?" Couch Miller said somewhat impatiently, "what is it?"

"Is this class coed?" Mitch asked to which majority of the boys laughed.

Couch Miller didn't find it particularly humorous. "No!" he barked. "Because some of you bags of hormones can't control yourselves, the principal's decided girls and boys PE is separate."

There was some grumbling about this. Ravi didn't care either way. He neither bothered them and they didn't talk to him.

"Now don't whine," Couch Miller said sharply, "if that's all you're going to do then you can leave 'cuz I don't deal with whiners. You boys are young men and you're going to act like it. Got it?" Ravi nodded but he was only the one. "I said GOT IT?"

"Yes couch!" they answered in unison. Couch Miller was satisfied.

"Good. I want to go over a few rules with you boys and you best listen up because I'm not repeating. Junior boys on one side of the locker room and seniors on the other. I'll let today slide since I wasn't around to tell you otherwise but until the year ends you better be on the correct side."

That wasn't so bad. Great, even. There was no way Luke was going to go out of his way to be near him.

He'd be lying if that didn't sting a little.

"Rule number two," Couch Miller continued, eyeing them with beady eyes that just dared them not to pay attention, "you arrive on time. If you're late, that's a tardy and after three you're going to see the principal. Rule number three, you wear your uniform. We don't make the rules just for you to say 'oh I don't feel like it today'. You know what I say to that? WHO CARES!" Ravi flinched. "Rule number four..."

He sort of tuned out some of the discussion, though he did catch on to the words "violence" and "accident". Mitch was probably rubbing his hands together, plotting on his latest attempt at humiliating him for...what? Existing, most likely.

Couch Miller, after going through all of the rules, explained what the rest of the year would look like and that included going over a list of team related activities they _had_ to participate in (none of which Ravi was any good at. That was Luke's forte).

"Alright," Coach Miller rubbed his hands together, "now that that's all done, let's vote: dodgeball or kickball?" Some of the boys groaned. "Heh, you didn't think you were gonna sit on your behind until the bell rang, did ya?" Coach Miller smirked. "You boys are gonna work until your muscles cramp up and the sweat is pouring."

Ravi paled at the thought.

"But it's the first day," someone complained.

"Your point?" Coach Miller raised his eyebrows.

The boy squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "I just thought we wouldn't, ya know, do anything until tomorrow."

"Let me tell you something, sonny; life ain't fair and neither am I. Now again I say, dodgeball or kickball?" Coach Miller's lips were in a thin line.

_Please be kickball, please be kickball. _At least if it was kickball there was less of a chance he'd get attacked by his brother or Mitch. At least in kickball he could take his turn and wait a while before the next.

"Dodgeball!" the loudest of all those voices just _had_ to be Luke.

"Everyone okay with that?" Coach Miller asked the rest of the class.

_NO! _

No one really spoke up against it. "Excellent," Coach Miller said to them. "Dodgeball it is. Now half of you boys go over here," he pointed to the right side, "and the rest of you go over there."

Ravi waited to see where Luke was going then lumbered over to the left side. This was all going to be so predictable; maybe if he kept near to the gym wall he'd be okay. The balls were fairly worn and couldn't reach that far, even with Luke's super toss.

_Why does he wish to play in the first place? Any other time Luke would whine about doing anything that didn't involve an electronic screen._

What was so gratifying about being smacked with a ball anyway? The boys were far too competitive for such a physical sport; they pelted the balls and cried foul when told they couldn't hit a person's face. He'd ended up with quite a few bruises as a result of prior games, all of which were given to him by Luke.

"_It's not my fault Ravi sucks_," he'd said in defense when Jessie questioned him about it. "_Tell him to man up."_

He wasn't supposed to have heard that; Jessie had taken Luke on the terrace to preserve their privacy. But Zuri, unable to cope with her overwhelming curiosity, opened the door just a smidge, enough to hear them quite clearly.

Ravi wished they hadn't.

"_Luke!" Jessie snapped, "that's not nice to say. Ravi's your brother." _

_Luke shrugged. "Just sayin, babe." _

_Jessie had long given up on reprimanding Luke for referring to her as 'babe'; she simply sighed. "You never know, he may get good someday." _

"_Not without a miracle and steroids," Luke snorted. _

"_I even threw him a pair of socks and he missed that," Jessie reminisced, presumably making one of those rather unattractive faces, "that boy cannot catch." _

"_Or throw," Luke added. _

He knew he wasn't as talented nor did he have the correct coordination when it came to that stuff like Luke did. Must they rub it in his face? Even Jessie doesn't spare his feelings. _Because they don't dare care. _It was as if he was expected to be stone; nothing could hurt him.

If only it were true.

Maybe then he wouldn't have this incredible desire to crumble at the drop of a hat. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so alone even in the crowd. Maybe then the walls wouldn;'t cave in, leaving him trapped with no way out.

It would be just seconds later that he wished he would have been coherent to his surroundings. Perhaps he wouldn't have been too late to see the incoming dodgeball. With nothing else to do, he held up his arms in front of his face as a feeble attempt at shielding himself.

Spoiler alert: it didn't do any good.

"KID! WATCH OUT!"

_SLAM! _

Ravi shrieked as it made contact. He was knocked down; straight on his back. The world stopped briefly, put on pause as he was overcome with a combination of dizziness, nausea and pain. It was so extensive he was sure he was on the verge of fainting.

"Kid!" Coach Miller is by his side at once, forehead wrinkled. A few others tried to join, surrounding him but are warned not to from a single glare. _Wow, _Ravi thought deliriously, _he's good. _Luke wasn't one of the people that tried to come near, not from his view point. Ravi guessed he wasn't worth the trouble of worrying over. "You alright there son? Anything hurt?" he questioned, putting a rather large hand on Ravi's forehead.

_Just my dignity, but I suppose I didn't have much to begin with anyway _

"Yes," Ravi whimpered with tightly shut eyes. A trail of blazing hot pain had shot up from his wrist to his shoulder; it was the worst he'd ever felt in his life. _I am sure it's broken_, he thought grimly. His wrist had gone numb now, the pain was still there. "M-my wrist. It hurts."

"Let me see it," Coach Miller was not a gentle man. The standard cation that came with tending to a sick or injured person was not something he was familiar with. Ravi realized this when his teacher examined his wrist, gripping it like he was trying to pop a grape.

Ravi hissed, arching his back. He refused to cry out like he knew he was expected to. He'd be labeled a crybaby and a crybaby was worse than a nerd could ever be. _WHAT ARE YOU DOING? _He wanted to scream when Coach Miller poked at it.

"I'd say ya sprained it," his teacher suspected. Ravi was lifted up into a sitting position. More like jerked. But he digressed. "Well, go on now. Go see Nurse Gina and she'll take care of you. You're gonna be out for a while till it heals."

_So she can say I'm faking this as well? _

Ravi didn't want to go to Nurse Gina's office. He held a dislike for her that boardlined a grudge. He could still recall the incident in freshman year here she all but accused him of faking the injuries he sustained from Mitch. After that, he avoided her at all costs and learned to patch himself up after going head-to-head with any bullies. Granted, her atrocious bedside manner was seen by everybody. How she'd gone this long without being reported or fired was a mystery.

"No!" he blurted out then recomposed his words after receiving a harsh glare from his teacher, "I mean, I am fine, Coach Miller. I appreciate the concern but-"

"No buts, kid. You're goin down there or I'll drag ya," Coach Miller frowned. He addressed the crowd of boys sternly, "now who threw that?"

"I did," Luke said with a goofy grin.

"Drop and give me fifteen."

"Huh?" Luke was confused and a little caught off guard.

"I said drop and give me fifteen. Are you deaf?" Coach Miller wasn't playing around. Luke must have realized that. After a swift glance at everyone else, he dropped and began. "No, no, no. Not like that. What are you, a girl? Do 'em better!"

"Why do I have to do this?" Luke was breathless, wincing at the probable pain in his arms. "Ravi was the one not paying attention."

"Yeah," Mitch nodded, adding his two cents, "he should do double."

Coach Miller ignored Mitch's input. "If you knew he wasn't paying attention, why did you throw it then, hmm?"

Watching Luke and knowing this must be the tiniest bit embarrassing did bring Ravi a moment of satisfaction. _If only you understood how I felt. You would know I feel this everyday._

Nurse Gina gave him an earful for being her first patient of the school year (_after_ she accused him yet again of faking to get out of class. PE was definitely not a favorite but even he wouldn't go to great lengths to end up stuck in proximity with her).

Coach Miller's earlier prediction that he'd sprained his wrist had been wrong. Nurse Gina declared that he'd only bruised it, which was worse than a break pain-wise. He was instructed to keep ice on it and limit activity use. On the bright side, that meant no PE and he would miss most of their first unit- capture the flag.

Currently, it throbbed. A blue, purplish bruise was beginning to set in, covering the wrist area and some of his hand. Simple tasks were going to be difficult. _All thanks to Luke. _

Why did he have to do that? To show off? To prove that he (Ravi) was as incompetent as they figured he was? Or did he really just hate him? Ravi was starting to wonder. They may have been family but he felt more and more like some outsider that wasn't welcomed in their home. It was the vibe they gave off and he couldn't shake it.

His lunch hour was the second to last of the day. And God was it crowded. It was a big school, and for that they needed multiple lunch hours. The first two weren't as packed as the other two. Who's ever idea it was to keep more of the students in the last two lunch periods were morons. What's worse was that most of the kids in Ravi's hour were popular and left hardly any room for the socially inept.

"Hello, may I sit her?" he approached a table on the far right, the brainy kids. He should have had no issue in talking to them but they could be as stuck up as the jocks. Intelligence wasn't bragging points; it wasn't to be used to look down on someone who perhaps wasn't on the same level.

It didn't stop them from doing it.

"No," a girl closests to him said rather rudely.

"But you have all that room," he gestured to the four or five open seats.

The girl glanced then turned back to him. "We're saving them," she said plainly.

"For who?"

"None of your business," she was miffed by his blatant question.

_She is correct. It isn. Must you be so nosy? You're only making matters worse. _

"Go find someone else to bother!" she snapped.

_Bother_

_I bother everyone _

_You really do. That's why no one wants to be around you _

_I'm just a burden. No one would even notice if I'm gone _

Ravi did as he was told. In a corner of the cafeteria that no one occupied, he sat down just under a window and took out his lunch bag. Just as he was promised, it was chicken salad. _Thank God for that_. Jessie had also packed him some chips, a brownie, soda and some fruit. It was much more nutritious than anything the school was selling.

As he took a bite, another bout of pain occurred. It brought forth unpleasant memories. Ones he'd tried to suppress. _Don't even try to have that pity party. It had been your fault and you KNOW it._

Ravi dropped his sandwich, cradling his head.

He'd been six or seven, just a mere child.

"_Papa, I'm sorry," he sobbed, rocking back and forth in the darkness. "Let me out, let me out!" _

"_QUIET!" the roar from his father silenced him. "I have told you time and time again not to touch my beer. Now you will pay." You can stay there for the rest of the night." _

_Little Ravi was so very confused and afraid. He didn't touch his Papa's 'funny juice' that was on the high shelf and way too high for him to reach. All he knew was that he was hungry and had to go potty very badly. _

_His lower lip protruded, trembling as the tears fell down his tearstained, bright red face. "Please Papa," he whispered, "I'm sorry." It was so dark in there; the only light was coming through the bottom of the door. Not enough to see. _

_Ravi didn't like the dark, it was too scary. Monsters hid in the dark. His little eyes widened. What if there was one in there right now just waiting to eat him? _

_He sniffled, pulling his legs up to his chest. He wanted his papa; he wanted to be held in his strong arms and rescued from the evil closet. Why wasn't he coming? _

_Ravi sucked on his thumb. His papa would come. He loved Ravi and Ravi loved him._

_He wouldn't leave like mommy did. _

_He missed his mommy. She smelled nice, like pretty flowers. She drank that funny juice like papa did but she wasn't as mean. He loved her lots and she loved him too. _

"_Papa?" he called. He didn't answer. "Pa-" _

_The closet door opened; his papa's face was red like a tomato. Ravi shrunk down. His papa was mad. "What?" his papa growled like a dog. "Didn't I tell you to be quiet?" he grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "Huh? DIDN'T I?" _

"_Yes," Ravi responded fearfully. _

"_THAN WHY ARE YOU TALKING?" _

"_I'm scared," Ravi didn't like it when his papa spit on him, "and I gots to go potty." _

"_You do, don't ya?" _

_He wasn't yelling anymore, Ravi relaxed a little and nodded. "Yes." _

"_TOO BAD!" his papa laughed and let him drop to the floor. "You should have thought about that before you touched my beer." _

"_But I didn't," Ravi whimpered. "Papa, please-" _

"_Shut up!" his papa smacked him over the side of the head. "Now be quiet. I don't want to hear you another word." He started to close the door and Ravi panicked. He didn't want to stay anymore, he'd be good! He'd be a good boy forever and ever. _

"_NO!" he screamed helplessly, "PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME!" _

"_ENOUGH!" His papa was bent down, twisting his wrist and cupping his face tightly. "I told you to be quiet and you disobeyed me again. You can just stay in here for two days now and if I hear __**one**_ _more peep out of you, you'll wish you'd never been born. Got it?" _

_Ravi did his best to nod. _

"_Good," he was shoved away and the door slammed shut. It left Ravi with only the darkness for comfort. _

Ravi let out a gasp and pushed his food away.

**He suddenly wasn't so hungry anymore.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A few things: I know it seems like his thoughts are really repetitive but it's suppose to be like that. My OC is coming in next chapter hopefully and if she seems mary sue ish, she's not. Ravi's gonna put her on a pedestal and you'll see that eventually.**

* * *

His hand dragged across his forehead, grinding into his skin with the roughest of touch. He felt itchy; like he needed, _wanted_ to rip his own skin off but he kept still with his nails digging into his palms. Ten more minutes. He looked and looked again. The time was teasing him; trickling by in a manner that could've been considered mocking by the way it refused to progressed.

_Could you be any more dramatic? _

He raised his head a smidge, to feign interest in whatever his teacher had moved onto after her introduction lecture. The old him would have been astonished that he'd dared to zone out just after arriving to class and doing the habitual _here_ in response to his name being called for attendance. His wrist was still burning, forcing a great deal of his attention to withdraw from reality and to attempt at soothing the appendage. Every so often, he'd have an explicitly vicious thought that drifted back to Luke. He was quite upset over the whole ordeal, even more so when he'd given up on the tiniest bit of hope that his brother would rush after him, exclaiming his worry and asking repeatedly if he was okay.

That was a fantasy. A dream that was constantly dashed.

Luke didn't come after him, he most likely was unhappy at the push ups Coach Miller made him do. What would he care if Ravi damaged his wrist?

_Or worse _

He was always facing disappointment.

_Who's fault is that? _

Ravi licked his dry, cracked lips. He was parched and in need of something cold; freezing with pieces of ice attached to it was preferred.

He hadn't finished his lunch. Not after...not after _that_. He waited until the lunch monitors were distracted with the group of freshmen who poured their chocolate milk on their nachos and dumped his mostly uneaten food in the trash can with the exception of his his throat feeling bone dry he sipped it until it was empty; at the same time pretending to find interest in his chemistry textbook so he didn't look like a complete loner.

_But you are_

_Poor little Ravi is sitting all alone _

_Again_

_How pathetic is that? You don't have anyone _

_Nerd _

_FREAK! _

_Seven minutes. _He was tense; wound up tighter than should have been humanly possible. Just stepping into the classroom was a feat in itself. It was as if there were invisible knives and swords pointed toward him from all directions, ready to be thrown if he made one mistake, one wrong movement. The walls could have caved in at any moment. He needed to get out of there.

Per usual, those around him ignored his presence entirely. But now was not to fixate on that tiny detail. He felt trapped; like a caged animal being poked and prodded. If something, anything, even relatively minor was to occur, Ravi couldn't be certain he could contain himself. A spark was all that was essential for him to blow.

_Or overheat, which might actually happen_

The building was almost chilly from the freezing cold air the air conditioner produced. It suited Ravi just fine, especially after his lapse in judgement that morning in deciding to wear jeans. But, just as luck would have it, there was that one teacher who was cold and instead of just wearing a sweater or something she opened the freaking window. In turn, he was sweltering.

"Robby, are you alright?" his teacher asked in what he supposed was concern. Every head turned to face him but he did not blush.

"Ravi," he corrected calmly. "And I am fine, thank you."

"Are you sure? Your face is very red," his teacher insisted, frowning. "Do you need to see the nurse?"

_Oh yes, so everyone can gossip about me later? No thank you _

"I'm fine," he repeated with finality in his voice.

She didn't respond beyond that; it only furthered his opinion of the teachers that belonged to the school and their incompetence. She didn't inquire any more to find out _why_ his face was red nor did she do the sensible thing and offer to shut the window.

_God, I hate this place _

_I'd hate this place too if I was a spoiled brat_

Five minutes_. I am not a spoiled brat_

_Really? You think so? _

_I am not! Do you not agree that she should have done more? _

_I think she is adequate. You're just a brat that expects people to bow down to your wishes _

Ravi could have screamed. _That is hardly true! _

_But it is. Stop acting like your feelings come first. Newsflash: they don't_

_Three minutes. _There was that itchy feeling again, intensified. God, it wouldn't have taken much to have sent him running out of that room. He would have done it without prompt. He just wanted out of there.

For the last couple minutes remaining, there was a silent cue to pack up; their teacher didn't protest. Ravi shoved the papers they'd received into a flimsy folder, burying it into the bottom of his backpack. The old him would have a heart attack at how he treated his school things nowadays.

At last, relief settled within him. The dismissal bell gvfrang, signaling the end of the school day. Ravi was oblivious; eyes glassy as he stared ahead unfocused. It was only when he was sharply elbowed due to someone's carelessness, that he took notice of what was happening. Students poured out from classrooms, shuffling into the hallway all at once. There was hardly any room to maneuver through so he stayed put, dawdling by the door with his back facing his teacher so he wouldn't have to endure the awkward task of exchanging pleasantries and forced smiles.

Luke should have made it outside, unless he managed to conveniently forget they were supposed to wait for Zuri so all three of them could walk home together and instead decided his jock buddies were far more worthy of his time.

God, did he sound bitter.

_Can you blame me? _

_You blame Luke _

_I have reasons! _

_Do you? Or are you perpetuating the situation? You certainly haven't done much other than complain _

_What am I to do? No one will listen to me! _

_Boo hoo. Poor little Ravi is invisible_

He made it to the outer area of the classroom, whisked away into the crowd heading to the right where they were led to the exit. He just needed to go home and take a nap. The day was exhausting, _he_ was exhausted. Between the early rise and the facade that had the potential of crumbling on multiple instances, Ravi wanted nothing more than to curl up with his pet and sleep his problems away.

_Because that solves everything _

_Do you have any other suggestions? You are of no help either _

_I'm more helpful than you will ever be! _

The large cluster of people dispersed when they reached the outside, going off in different directions; some in a group and others alone. Ravi wandered off to the side, out of everyone's way as he looked out for Zuri to appear. He'd somewhat expected her to have already been there waiting for him and Luke. If he recalled correctly, the middle school building let out a few minutes earlier than the high school did. _She is probably preoccupied_.

Neither of them, Luke or Zuri, should be too long; Jessie was expecting them back in a timely manner. She'd kill them, not literally of course, if they were late.

Ravi kept his gaze away from his classmates; it was a sure-fire way not to make eye contact and that was the _last_ thing he needed after a day like today.

_Do something! You look stupid just standing there _

_I have nothing else to do. I didn't bring a book with me to read _

_I don't know, look at your phone _

_I don't have anything to look at _

_You don't have to, just pretend! _

Amid it all, he spotted Zuri talking animatedly to another girl as they inspected each others nails. She was one he had not seen or heard of but assumed to be the latest 'try out' so to speak. His sister didn't have a solid group of friends (who was he kidding, neither did he) so it wasn't unusual to see her frequently chatting with someone new.

He offered her a smile, minimal effort so as he didn't come across as 'angry' or whatever other labels this one might try to say. Zuri's last _friend_ had refused to come over after the first visit because Ravi's presence _scared _her.

_I could have really scared her if I wanted to _

"Hi," the new girl said politely as she smoothed down one of her long braids with her free hand. "I'm Carla."

He was supposed to respond, to be friendly and not scary like that one girl said he was. He needed to be polite back. "Hi..?" it came out all wrong, he sounded confused. _Why must you embarrass yourself! Did you not do that enough already? What is wrong with you?! _

The casual ambience withdrew, leaving only awkwardness in its place. Carla's forehead wrinkled; she gave a sideways glance to Zuri in hopes she would be the one to speak. From beside her, Zuri shot him a glare as if to say _don't scare her off too! _

"So, Carla," she tried to sound upbeat, "are you doing anything later?"

"No," the latina shook her head after a moment of silence, "Mami and Papi are taking Tito out and I'll have the house to myself. We can facetime until they get back."

"_Or_ you can ask your parents if you can come over for dinner. I'm sure Jessie won't mind."

"You call your mami by her first name?" Carla was slightly in awe. "Doesn't she get mad?"

Before Ravi could open his mouth to correct her (_It's not even your conversation and you want to butt it_), Zuri jumped in to set things straight. "Jessie's our nanny. Our mom and dad are always away on business."

"...Oh," Carla was visibly embarrassed by her mistake. Ravi felt sorry for her. "I see."

Zuri was passed the minor misunderstanding by now and had moved on to something else. "Maybe she'll let you stay the night!" her tone was enthusiastic and for a brief nano second, Ravi allowed a tiny smile to grace his lips.

"I don't know," Carla's frown faltered Zuri's brightened mood, "My parents don't like me hanging out with anyone they don't know. They're kinda strict."

"We can always have Jessie met them ahead of time," Zuri reasoned, "what time are they leaving?"

"Not until four."

"If we go right now we'll have plenty of time!" Zuri sprung up and was ready to take off. The only thing holding her back was Ravi. "can we go now? Luke can catch up."

_As much as I would like that... _

"No," he kept his voice low but firm. Jessie would be in a frenzy if they did that; she never did allow them to wander around New York alone. "We can wait. I am sure Luke will be out soon." Zuri didn't appreciate this but once Carla engaged her in another conversation, her annoyance was dropped.

Ravi was becoming restless. He wanted to strangle his brother for making them wait so long. _Fifteen minutes_. It was out of character for him to be so impatient; but the day's events wore on him. He had no more patience stored up in him. He crossed and uncrossed his arms, unimpressed with Luke's inability to tell time. It was one thing to wait around for five minutes or so while he had something important to do, but Ravi knew Luke. He knew that whatever was keeping him was hardly important.

So what on earth was keeping him?

_I swear, he has no regard for anyone but himself _

Around five minutes after they began to wait, Carla apologetically said she had to go home before her parents began to worry. Since neither of them knew when Luke would come out, there was nothing they could say to influence her to stay. They would have to do a rain check unless they managed to squeeze in a meeting between Jessie and Carla's parents.

Now Ravi was left to deal with a cranky Zuri and the impending implications of Jessie's fury for being late.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Zuri suddenly spoke up uneasily.

_Oh no_

"Can you hold it?" he prayed she could.

"No," she reminded him of her younger days when they dealt with situations like this. Back when he was happiner... "Look, I'll just go back in real quick. I'm sure it's still open-"

"No!" he grabbed her wrist, "Jessie said we must stay together."

"_Jessie_ isn't here," his sister yanked her arm back. "I said I'll be right back."

"And I will tell Jessie you refused to listen to the rules," he swallowed as her eyes hardened, semi caught off guard by his persistence of the subject.

"Fine!' she snapped. "But Luke better hurry up." She popped her headphones in, typing away in the search bar.

Jessie was going to yell at them. Or worry. Or worry and send a search party after them and then yell. She could be a little, how should he put it, smothering sometimes. But she only did it because she loved them.

_Too bad she can't love you enough to care _

Every few seconds, he'd look back at the doors. And every time he would be disappointed.

"Can you text him?" she whined just a minute later. "Ask him when he's coming?"

"I do not have his number," he was forced to admit. Luke would laugh himself silly before he gave _him_ his number. "He will come soon, I'm sure of it." There he was, trying to be Mr. Optimistic. Too bad it never worked. Too bad he never felt optimistic.

And really, he wasn't sure but he knew better than to tell her that.

She grumbled, going back to another video. _Must you be so addicted? You're lacking social interaction. _

_You're one to talk, you only have a lizard for a friend_

_I-I could have more if I wanted to _

_Could you, though? No one wants you. They all like Luke better_

The doors swung open and out came Luke, jogging until he was at the top of the banister; he slid down to the bottom, landing perfectly on his feet. "What's up?" he greeted casually.

'What's up?" Ravi repeated rhetorically as he drew closer to his brother. "_What's up? _I will tell you what is it up. Zuri and I have been waiting for you for fifteen minutes while you goof off!"

"And I have to pee," Zuri added.

"Dude, calm down. I wasn't goofing off."

"Then what were you doing? What could have possibly needed your undivided attention for so long?" he was aware there was a slight whine to his voice but he couldn't help it. He was peeved that yet again Luke's selfishness had shown through.

Luke shrugged his shoulders as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. "The guys wanted to show me something, that's all."

"Which was?" Ravi asked, glaring.

Another shrug. There was a growing grin on his lips that was just so _mocking_. So amused. For no reason. What did he have to be so happy about? Ravi took deep breaths to control his temper. "Heh. You wouldn't understand, man."

_I assure you I am quite capable of understanding 'man'_

"Can we go now?" Zuri broke in before a fight started, "I'm going to pee myself if we don't."

_Why are you even trying? He won't listen _

_He hates you. He wishes you weren't around _

"Still you should have declined," Ravi grabbed his backpack off of the ground, distressed. "Jessie is going to be upset at us for being late."

"Relax, dude," Luke was infuriatingly calm about the whole thing. "Jessie won't care. She probably won't even notice we're late."

"Where were you?" Jessie's voice had reached an all time high; combined with worry ire that was sure to be deadly. On their way back Zuri's urgency for the bathroom increased to the point where she insisted she couldn't make it home without stopping. The only problem was there really wasn't anywhere to stop at. She nearly wet herself but luckily there was a tiny grocery shop nearby and the owner was kind enough as to allow her to use the bathroom (despite it not being open to the public). She took an exceptionally long to relieve herself and in that meantime, Ravi had difficulty in easing the tension between him and Luke. His brother was oblivious, ridiculously entertained by two pears stuck together.

Ravi struggled to maintain a halfway normal demeanor and not appear as if he was itching to sprint back to the penthouse and lock himself up in his room all to avoid his brother.

_Why do you have to be so strange? Maybe if you were normal people would like you _

By the time Zuri was finished and after Ravi had to prompt her to thank the shop owner, they were hurrying back to the complex where Jessie was standing outside with a look that could've killed. She went off on them as soon as they reached the inside of the elevator.

"I waited for nearly half an hour and you kids had me worried sick! What took you so long?"

The three of them stood rigid as she went off on them for their irresponsibility. Emma had come downstairs to find out what all the racket was about, then subsequently went back to doing whatever she had been, uninterested in their latest slip-up.

"It wasn't our fault," Luke was quick to spare his own self, Ravi noted with an eye roll. "_Zuri_ took forever in the bathroom."

Jessie sharply turned to her attention onto Zuri with an _I'm waiting_ _and you'd better have a good reason_ expression.

"Well _Luke_ was the one that made us late in the first place!' she threw a nasty look at her brother. "Ravi and I had to wait outside forever."

_At least she knows you were with her _

"Luke, is this true?" Jessie crossed her arms.

His brother kicked an imaginary rock, face contorting with guilt. "Well, kinda...Yeah..." Jessie threw her hands in the air. "The guys wanted to show me something! I couldn't say no."

"Oh really?" Jessie snapped. "Luke, you're eighteen years old. I should be able to rely on you now. Do I need to have Ravi be in charge for you two? At least he does what he's told."

_Way to throw me under the bus, Jessie _

_Wah, wah, wah. You want her to notice you and you still whine. Get a grip _

"No!" Luke seethed at the thought of Ravi being in charge over him. "And don't compare me to _him_!"

Him.

That was how he was being referred to. Not 'Ravi', not 'my brother', not 'dude' or 'bro'. Him.

"You know what, Luke, you need to be a little more respectful. You're grounded for a week," Jessie declared and held out her hand expectantly. "I want your phone and anything else you have that's electronic. If you need to use the computer for school you'll do it where i can see you."

"This is so unfair," Luke hissed, slamming down his cell phone into her hand. "Why isn't Ravi or Zuri in trouble? They could've texted you and said we were on our way."

"Yes, they could've," Jessie agreed and made it a point to look at each of them, "but as the oldest of you three, I expect you, Luke, to do that and not create circumstances like this in the first place."

Luke turned away, rolling his eyes.

"I understand your friends are important to you but you have responsibilities to this family that you have to uphold. Now what's done is done; you're grounded and that's that." His brother let out a groan.

"Dude I was supposed to meet up with Mitch at the park."

"Guess you'll have to miss it," Jessie was unsympathetic. "Alright," she calmed down, "now disperse. I have to learn how to fix a kitchen sink and hopefully not make another flood..." Zuri followed Jessie into the kitchen while Ravi and Luke remained where they stood.

"This is all your fault," Luke said harshly as he shoved past Ravi to access the stairs. Ravi almost lost his footing. "Mitch was right, you're such a loser. I don't know why mom and dad got you."

Ravi heard the distant slam of a door but that was all he heard. Thoughts swarmed around in his mind, centering around Luke and Mitch. His own brother thought he was a loser? His own brother agreed with his nemesis? _His own brother. _

_It was only a matter of time _

He'd of been lying if he simply smiled and said it didn't sting. _His own brother_ thought so low of him. Had he just ripped his soul apart, it would've been easier. Less painful. His insides twisted up, that familiar lump was back and making it difficult to breathe. _Do not cry. It's your fault. You're a loser. _

"I don't want to be," he whispered in the emptiness of the room.

"So, kids, how was your first day?" Jessie was the _only_ one to try and make an effort to get them all speaking at dinner. With a swift look around the table, she motioned them to answer, to do _something_.

"Well, I had a great day," Emma daintily ate her food to dodge a possible spill on her newly purchased, expensive blouse. "My professor said he's never seen anyone like me." She grinned proudly.

Jessie's face scrunched up into a grimace. "Yeah, Emma, I saw the email. I don't think he was meaning that in a good way." His sister pouted. "Anyone else?" she invited them to share.

"Well I _was_ having a good day," Luke used his fork to push around what was on his plate moodily, only ingesting two bites, if that.

"Well, now you'll be more responsible next time," Jessie glanced at him.

"Doubt it."

"How about you Zuri, Bertram?" It didn't slip past Ravi that she hadn't asked him yet. "How was your day?"

"What it is everyday, depressing," their butler sighed.

"Just like your love life," Zuri said cheekily. Bertram scowled. "Oh, Jessie, I have some papers for you to look at."

"Please tell me it isn't boarding school recommendations. I got enough of those last year."

"Relax, they're just a copy of the syllabus and stuff," Zuri said

Jessie sighed in relief then fixed the youngest Ross child with her parental look. "You weren't on your phone in class, were you?"

"Only at lunch," Zuri reassured her. "And that was after Carla and I made fun of the walking meatloaf."

"We had something like that back in Texas, only it was sloppy joes and it crawled," Jessie shook her head as if to rid herself of the memories. "You did not want to get in the way of the kid who ate it. Trust me."

"Okaaaay," Zuri seemed like she could have done without that bit of information. "Jessie, can Carla come over tomorrow after school? She was supposed to come today but _someone_," her gaze flickered back to Luke, "took too long."

"Sure sweetie," Jessie smiled. "Is Carla your new friend?"

"Until Ravi scares her away," Luke smirked. Ravi flinched, dropping his fork.

There was a piece of him, a yearning in his heart for the siblings he'd come to. Where they at? It wasn't often, rare would be the correct placehold, that they conversed at all. None of them ever made an effortful try except when pushed by Jessie or their parents. Then it lacked sincerity.

_You expect too much _

Did he? Was a meaningful relationship with his siblings too much to ask for? Ravi didn't think it was. Everyone else had it; sure they fought sometimes but that was bound to happen. Surely it wasn't considered normal to feel abandoned by one's own family when they were within range?

"Luke!" Jessie snapped.

"What? That's what-what's her name-Tara said."

"Tiffany," Zuri reformed.

"I don't care," Jessie was acting as though it was surprising, as if it were a rare occurrence that Luke was behaving this way. "Ravi's your brother, now apologize."

"No," Luke stood to his full height, which was just a little over Jessie's. "Why should I? He got me grounded."

"You got yourself grounded," Jessie reminded him. "If it wasn't for Ravi, you guys would've been even more late."

"Oh my God," Luke groaned, massaging his temples, "why do you even care? I'm eighteen, I shouldn't have to ask permission anymore and I shouldn't have to walk together anymore; I'm not ten."

Her lips formed a thin line and the vein on her neck was pulsing. She arose, too, with a fiery look to her eyes. "I don't care how old you are, I'm your nanny and you will do as I say, when I say it. And I say you're grounded for another week if you don't apologize to Ravi."

Luke threw his napkin on the table. "Fine, ground me then. I don't care." He stormed out, presumably to retreat in his room.

Ravi looked anywhere but into the eyes of his family, ashamed that Luke's distaste of him was brought to light. _As if they don't know. They're all thinking that way. They hate you. They just don't want you to know it yet. _

_Maybe they don't... _

_Aw, that's cute; you think you know them _

_I do...I think _

"May I be excused?" He didn't stand by to hear Jessie's answer, but rushed off to the sanctuary of his bedroom. Away from prying eyes. Away from the laughter and insults. Away from everyone.

In a nest of blankets and pillows, Mrs. Kipling was curled up in the center, sound asleep. The blinds had been reopened-by Jessie of course. _Can she not leave things alone? _He fell back on the bed, hands underneath the back of his head, eyes beginning to close. Jeans were the least comfortable thing one could wear to sleep in but honestly, Ravi didn't care at this point. He was worn out and just...dragged down.

_You still have homework to finish, you can sleep later _

_I...I don't care. I can finish it after I rest _

_You're going to regret this_

_I don't care _

That was it; he just quit caring.

"Ravi." He mumbled something, half heartedly swatting away the hands that were shaking him gently. "Ravi, sweetie, wake up."

"Huh?" he was blurry eyed and confused, vaguely aware he'd fallen asleep. "W-what time is it?" Jessie was aside, hovering just above him.

"Just after eight-thirty. I didn't realize you fell asleep."

_You don't notice anything in regards to me _

"Rough first day?" she asked fondly.

"You could say that," he sat up too fast, falling back down with most of his weight landing on his injured wrist. The reaction was immediate; pain, hot searing pain. He didn't know how, but he kept in the scream that wanted to come forth.

"Ravi!" Jessie was shocked. "Did you hurt yourself again?" Without asking for permission, she inspected his injury after rolling up his flannel sleeve. By now, the blush, purplish bruise was able to be seen, not just felt. "When did this happen? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

Should he tell her? Should he confess that it was all Luke's doing? It might extend Luke's punishment further (which would go over like a ton of bricks) or perhaps it would lead to nothing. Jessie would tell him in a roundabout way that Luke didn't mean to throw it at him, he just caught it wrong.

"It's not important," was what he decided on. "It's just a bruise. Nurse Gina says it'll heal soon. I am excused from PE from the time being."

"Not important?" Jessie cupped his cheek, furrowing her eyebrows. "Ravi, you could've broken something. How did this happen?"

"Jessie-"

"Ravi."

She didn't become firm with him all too often, not with his reputation of being the good child. When she did, however, he knew better than to ignore it.

"PE," he admitted in a lowered voice.

"How?"

She was going to make him say whether he wanted to or not. "Luke threw a ball at me during dodgeball and..." he trailed off. She could figure out the rest.

"And you caught it wrong?" she frowned. "Oh, Ravi, it's okay. You just have to be careful."

_I told you _

_I told you she wouldn't care _

He wanted to cry. Must she automatically jump to the conclusion that this was a result of his lack of coordination and sports skills? _Anything for Luke_. "Yes, Jessie," his voice was thick with suppressed emotions.

She smiled at him. "Now wait here and I'll go get you some ice." She walked to the door, briefly stopping to look back. "Did you have any homework?"

"Yes," he said truthfully. "But I finished it."

_Tisk, tisk _

_Now you're lying? You must really hate them _

"Of course you did," she chuckled. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," he muttered. He'd just do it in the morning. A tiny part of him was guilty for lying. What was he thinking? Lying over something as trivial as homework...

_This is the first day of another fantastic year _

**And he was about to find out what a whirlwind it would be. **


	6. Chapter 6

The gruelling first week of school was finally coming to an end. People surrounding him informed one another about their plans for the upcoming weekend; ranging from Billy Fort's party to an end of summer pool party at the nearest hotel that was most certainly illegal or at least something that would get them all in a heap of trouble.

He, for one, didn't have any plans. Not that any of it was a surprise. This, and every other weekend, would be spent just like his summer; sleeping. It didn't even matter if he was assigned homework, it could be done last minute. Nothing in the beginning of the semester was ever relatively difficult.

And he would remain undisturbed. Luke was probably being invited to all of the activities that the popular crowd was attending. If luck was in Ravi's favor, his brother would be out until late Sunday night (and then be in for a lecture from Jessie for-

Wait.

Luke was still grounded. Until Jessie saw fit to unground him. He groaned. There went his peace and quiet. Since Monday after his explosion at the dinner table, his brother was awfully moody and stomped through the penthouse; even glaring at Ravi whenever they were in the same room together (Ravi did his best to plan ahead and prevent that).

Presently, he was debating on whether or not to carry his afternoon textbooks with him. The day hadn't even started yet, with at least twenty minutes to spare. It would certainly save on time commuting through the halls. However, the downside of that was being forced to lug a heavy backpack. As much as he desired to just go to class without any stops, he valued graduating high school uninjured.

_You're such a nerd _

_Normal people don't injure themselves from a flipping backpack _

_Why can't you be normal? _

_This is why people don't like you _

_Among other reasons _

Him? Liked? What an interesting concept. Too bad it would never be more than that; a concept. A neat little idea that would never come to surface. He knew he was throwing a pity party; a futile action because when did they ever help anybody?

He shut his locker door, lingering before he had to make the unavoidable journey to English class. It wasn't as if he hated it, per say; on the contrary, the calm atmosphere of Miss Zenon's classroom was notably better than his other classes. There was no doubt that it was the aftermath of her warning lecture on Monday. Ravi didn't think he'd ever be grateful to a teacher ever again.

Still, even with the added luxury, it didn't stop his anxiety from taking over as it did before every class. Logically, he knew they weren't even glancing in his direction. They didn't care. But it would take one whisper, a cough or a clear of the throat for his brain to assume; to assume it was about him. They didn't like him. They were talking about him. They were laughing about him. They wanted him gone.

_Dear God, you're a mess. How can anyone stand you? _

_They can't _

_That's why he has no one _

_If you wouldn't be so paranoid people might not think you're so strange _

When those thoughts first popped up he refuted them; he wasn't _strange_ just unique like Jessie said. He wasn't a freak and he wasn't the things other people said he was. Those were all lies, determined to make him miserable. They just wanted a reaction and he wasn't going to give them one.

And it worked. For a little while. The time spent in America had built up his self esteem slowly but surely. He actually felt loved and supported and _wanted_. That was a big one; when in his childhood that was all he had ever heard, was that he wasn't wanted or loved. And he hadn't ever thought it would happen again. That was, until the storm cloud came over his head and never left.

Ravi couldn't pinpoint the exact time or day it occurred; it wasn't just a 'bam' moment where he knew he felt different. It just happened over the course of time. Things got him like they hadn't before; his temper shortened and his emotions went all over the place. And that was when the inner thoughts, the ranging voices got louder; disrupting his everyday life. He couldn't go a day without feeling like he was the lowest of the low. There might be a moment, an hour or so where he was okay. Some might go as far as to say he was having a good day. But good days don't last. He knew that first hand.

The classroom was empty; not even Miss Zenon was there to greet him with a smile and tell him good morning. Sometimes he waited until she was engaged with someone else to slip in without her noticing him. But that meant having to spend that extra time outside of the safe space. With other people. With other people that hated him.

_Wah wah _

He sat in his desk with all his materials perfectly arranged so he didn't have to dig for his stuff like a fool. Miss Zenon made it clear they needed their book (which was handed out the second day); a pencil, a notebook and '_imagination_'. Ravi had scoffed (in his mind) when the last requirement was mentioned.

_Ha! You? Imagination? Don't make me laugh _

"Good morning, Ravi," Miss Zenon swept in briskly. Her long skirt flew about as she moved. "How are you doing today? How's your wrist feeling today?"

_Terrible. Still hurts. _"Good," he said as he did every morning. He made it a point to be as vague as possible so she wouldn't question him. He was sure this was in relation to their exchange on Monday.

"Alright, if you're sure," she side eyed him. She cleaned off the rest of the white board before adding on, "I actually have something I want to ask you."

This set off alarm bells in his head.

_What have I done? I completed all of our homework assignments on time and have hardly bothered her for help _

_Your presence bothers her _

_You've made her mad _

_She's going to tell Jessie what a disappointment you are _

_She's going to be like everyone else _

"Oh? What is it?" He fought to keep his voice from shaking.

She faced him. "We have a new student starting today and I was wondering if you could keep an eye on her? She knows her way around; she and her parents were shown around yesterday. I was just hoping you could talk with her, maybe sit at lunch if you have the same hour?" She suggested. "I just don't want her feeling overwhelmed and lonely. Can you do that for me?"

He _could_, not that he entirely wanted to. There was just one question that needed to be answered. "Why me?" Miss Zenon had plenty of other students to choose from.

"I trust you," she shrugged then snorted-a very un-teacher-like thing. "I know you're nice and you won't try to flirt with her the moment she gets here."

_I assure you that would never happen _

_Like she'd go for someone like you anyway _

"I see." What else was he to say? "Of course, Miss Zenon. I'll do it."

"Fantastic!" she clapped her hands together. "Thank you, Ravi. I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome." He couldn't feel too excited about this. Either she would dislike him from the very start or be pulled in to the popular crowds and dislike him. It was a lose-lose-situation.

_What a Debby downer _

_Can't you ever be positive? _

_I wouldn't blame her for hating you _

_I'd hate to be around someone like you _

_Just tell her no! You can still back out _

_That would disappoint her _

_You've disappointed so many already. Who cares? _

_She's counting on me _

_She's counting on someone that's not damaged. She wants a smiling face, not you_

"Oh, Ravi-" _Now what? _"Can you make sure no one goes in my drawer while I'm gone? I'll only be a few minutes."

"Of course," he said, pretending he was more than happy to do it.

"Thanks," she smiled. "I can't prove it but I'm sure Billy and his friends helped themselves to my sweet stash."

_That sounds like them and I'm sure you aren't going to do a thing about it _

_How can she when she can't prove it? _

_Idiot_

She closed the door behind her. Ravi relished in the tranquility. It wouldn't last, although it did free him of the air of awkwardness he felt having to be alone with her.

_You're so rude, God _

_She likes you and you're gonna ruin it _

_It's more than you can say for the other teachers _

True. There was that. Ravi had to admit it. He didn't really understand Miss Zenon and why she was so kind to him. In the two discussions they'd had in class (during class), she'd asked him to speak his opinion on the subject matter. It was almost like she...valued his opinion. That was never the case in his other classes. Previously, especially when he first started school in America, he was a bit over the top in wanting to answer _everything_. No wonder Luke and everyone else called him a nerd.

_No, you're worse than a nerd _

_Creeeak. _Ravi jerked in surprise, meeting the eyes of a girl he hadn't seen before. _It must be the new girl_, he realized.

_No duh, sherlock_

"Hi!" her smile showed her teeth and he focused in on her braces. Blue. What an odd color choice. Typically people went with a more neutral one that didn't just _stick out_.

"Hello," he gave in the effort which was more than he could say he usually did for he was going to be around for the whole day, might as well try and be friendly. Something that didn't come naturally to him anymore.

She strode further in, head held high and eyes full of curiosity. She came into the row next to him and sat down, inching closer with most of her body weight on that side. He eyed it cautiously in case she tipped it over. "Is anyone sitting here? I hope they won't mind."

"Err, no. No one is sitting there."

"Great!" She was very...bubbly. _And certainly not shy._ "I'm Shelby. Shelby England." There was a beaming smile on her lips. "I'm a bit nervous if you can't tell. Apparently school started Monday but we didn't get here until Tuesday. I'm from Iowa. We used to live near this farm and the cows were so cute. Have you seen cows before? I want one so bad but my parents said no."

She said it all in one big breath. Ravi wasn't quite sure what to make of her. He'd never _met_ someone like her. On one of the shows Zuri watched, there had been one talkative character, not that he thought he would ever see someone like that in real life.

"Oh, wow I'm rude. Sorry! What's your name?" She asked him suddenly.

"Uh, Ravi. Ravi Ross," he mumbled.

"What an odd name, but not like odd weird. But odd like cool, you know?" she twirled a piece of her blonde hair. It fell down past her shoulders in waves. "Sorry, I ramble when I'm nervous." She let out a giggle.

That was a forgivable offense. He could understand. When he was taken to America for the first time, it was utterly nerve racking.

"So what's Mrs-" she took her horribly wrinkled schedule out from her pocket, "Zenon like? Is she cool?"

"Miss," he corrected absentmindedly then cringed. _Might as well just stamp 'nerd' on your forehead. You ruined things already. _"And yes, she's, uh, cool. She gives out candy sometimes."

"Oooh!" her eyes lit up. "I like candy."

He never would have guessed...

"I'm really good at English, better than math. How about you?" She adjusted the black-rimmed spectacles that had slid down slightly.

"I'm decent at both," he replied and he wasn't technically lying. He was decent. Math was a stronger suit and a preference but he didn't do bad overall.

"I wish I understood math," she copied Ravi and took out everything she needed, excluding the textbook. "My brother gets it." She giggled again, leaning in to whisper, after making sure the coast was clear, "sometimes I have him help me with my homework."

"I see," he said, slightly confused.

"Totally embarrassing, right? I hate it and he always rubs it in," Shelby told him.

"I suppose so," he thought about how he'd feel if he needed to be taught about sports by Luke. He'd be mortified.

"Can I see your schedule? Maybe we'll have other classes together." She seemed genuinely excited at the prospect. _She'll get over it _

"If you wish," he gave it to her and watched as she circled a few things.

"We have English, history, lunch and math together," she squealed. A little over the top reaction, in his opinion.

"Great," he faked a smile.

"Are your friends in this class? I can't wait to meet them!"

Did she know? Was she aware of him being friendless and felt the need to antagonize him until he finally admitted it?

_Shelby_ was grating on his nerves and it wasn't as if he could simply just get away from her.

Perhaps she forgot she asked him a question or chose to brush it off. "I like you," she continued talking, primarily to herself because he definitely wasn't doing most of the speaking, "you're cool. Wanna be friends?"

A friend? Was she truly offering or would this be thrown in his face later, that he was stupid enough to think she was being serious?

_She doesn't mean it_

_She only wants you to think she is _

_She's a liar _

_They always are _

"Sure," he said tonelessly.

"Great!" she exclaimed.

_Yeah. Great_

Ravi semi listened to Shelby chatter about various topics. She was so tiring! And that fake enthusiasm- was she like this frequently? His refusal to contribute didn't drag down the conversation either. Lately, the rare times someone might try to strike up something, he just didn't feel like talking back and that usually caused the other person to just give up-not Shelby.

"You must be our new student!" Miss Zenon was back. Just a couple minutes before the warning bell rang. "I'm Miss Zenon."

"I'm Shelby England, it's nice to meet you," Shelby said respectfully.

"If you'll step over here, I'll give you your textbook. We just started our first unit on Tuesday so you aren't too far behind. I see you've already met Ravi and I'm sure he'd be happy to lend you the notes for you to copy- you don't mind, do you Ravi?"

_As if you have a choice _

"No," he said quietly.

"Fantastic." Miss Zenon went through a quick rundown of what was expected of Shelby in order to pass the class, the homework she'd missed and the optional extra credit assignment assigned on Wednesday that she still had time to complete if she so wished.

Shelby's head bobbed up and down, absorbing in all the information she was given. Well, he could say she didn't whine or look unhappy at the additional amount of homework she was receiving. _Is she ever unhappy?_ When all was said and done, she returned to her seat and organized everything in her binder.

It was about that time for the day to begin. Students trailed in sleepily, perking up a bit as they snuck glances at Shelby. She never noticed, she was too busy writing down what Miss Zenon was currently writing on the board.

Ravi heard them whisper.

"_Who's she?" _

"_Must be a new girl." _

"_Why is she sitting with __**him**__?" _

"_I bet she feels sorry for him." _

"Welcome everybody," Miss Zenon sat on the edge of her desk like she did everyday. "We have a new student as I'm sure you've noticed. This is Shelby."

Shelby stopped writing and waved. "Hi, it's great to meet y'all!"

"Oh boy, a country girl," he heard someone mutter. "Wonder if she's gonna teach us to milk cows and pick corn off the stalk."

"Thank you, Shelby," Miss Zenon picked up her teacher edition of the textbook, "now that that's out of the way. Can someone read start reading paragraph one on page 356? We'll go down the rows."

"Hey, Ravi! Wait up!" Shelby raced to be by his side in the hallway. Some people were in disbelief that a _girl_ wanted to be near him, as evident by their gawking.

"Yes?" he raised his eyebrows. "Did you need something?"

She shook her head. "No, I just wanted to walk with you. PE is this way-" she scrunched her face up, checking her schedule. "I think."

"It is," he reassured her. The boys and girls PE were adjacent.

"Oh. Good. Was I talking too much back there? If I was, yeah I do that a lot. Sorry. I don't mean to but sometimes I just feel like talking, you know?"

He couldn't relate.

"Wanna sit together at lunch? We have the same hour."

As if she would by than. By lunch he'd be yesterday's news and she would have new people to socialize with.

_As if you and her were actually socializing _

He shrugged. Shelby took it as a yes. "Awesome-sauce!" she was a little too loud, catching the awareness of those around them. Ravi blushed, ducking his head. Couldn't she have a been shy? Or more self aware of how people were going to view her? "I can't wait to tell my parents I made a friend! Elliot won't believe me; he thinks I'm too weird to have friends." She giggled as if it was a funny joke. "Jokes on him, he's weirder."

_I can already feel a headache coming on _

_It's your own brain trying to escape _

_How intelligent _

_You started it _

He and Shelby went their separate ways, him to science and her to PE. Ravi was just greatly appreciating the silence, without her buzzing around him. But it wasn't much of a worry, of her returning, he held no high hopes for that.


	7. Chapter 7

The whispers followed him, presumably having to do with Shelby. She was the topic of the day. He had to wonder how she was handling that, though, maybe she didn't mind that total strangers were discussing her presence and her physical appearance and insisting that they'd bang her if they had the chance.

But even amidst that, the real question had been asked, not yet answered.

"Why was she with _him_?"

Ravi, admittedly, had been wondering the same thing. Why had she so willingly sat with him, walked with him and made arrangements to sit with him at lunch? Was it a mixture of pity and having no other options? Did she truly see value in him and wish to expand upon a possible friendship?

_Like anyone would want that with you _

_You're so naive_

_She'll ditch you the first chance she gets _

And it appears that the first chance had come to which she'd taken. He had a clear view of the cafeteria from where he was positioned at and, since his arrival, there was no sign of her. Had she simply had a change in schedule and was expected to eat at the next lunch hour? Or had the inevitable happened where she met someone else and was entranced by their genuine happiness?

_You sound bitter _

_And jealous _

_I am not _

_But that's what you sound like _

_You wish she was here. With you _

He didn't wish for anything. Miss Zenon had entrusted him to take care of her on her first day, easing any fears she was experiencing and all around just making her feel comfortable. This wasn't about any sort of longing for a friendship, but merely fulfilling a duty.

_You're such a liar _

Sullenly, he exhaled as he took a seat in the same space, the same chair and near the same people. It was the same routine everyday; eat enough for sustainment and pretend not to be a loser. Ravi was better at the former than the one offered to sit with him or share space with him their tables, it left him no choice but to be all by his lonesome.

_Because you don't deserve their space_

_You don't deserve to share the air with anyone else _

_What makes you think you should be at a table with them?_

He flinched.

"Hey!" Shelby had...come. And was acknowledging him. In front of other people. Ravi almost forgot how to act properly. "Sorry I took so long. Coach Collins was helping me with my locker. It's so hard. I didn't have this much trouble with my last one but she said I got the worst locker. That one likes to stick, but that's okay. We played volleyball today. Are you good at volleyball? I'm decent but I always manage to hit in the face."

Ravi made room for her , listening to her chatter as he lifted his backpack up and onto the floor below them.

"So I met this girl, her name's Sierra and she's _so_ sweet. Do you know her? She's got really pretty hair and-oh! There she is. Hey, over here!" She waved her arms around like an airplane, more action than necessary to let the girl, _Sierra_, where she was.

Ravi placed a chip in his mouth the exact moment Sierra came over. _Why must luck never be in my favor? _It was the girl that rejected his plea to sit at the same table as her. And apparently she remembered him as well; with the way she rolled her eyes.

"Ravi, this is Sierra. Sierra, this is-" Sheby started to say.

"I know who he is," Sierra said tersely. Her abrupt reply didn't put a dent in Shelby's demeanor. Assumingly, she didn't take the cue that Sierra didn't like Ravi and carried on.

"We could all sit together. Wouldn't that be fun? Sierra and I were partners in PE and she's so good at volleyball. Do you play a lot because-"

There Sierra went and interrupted Shelby again. Ravi personally didn't appreciate being interrupted, so he expected some kind of reaction from Shelby. None came.

"Can we sit over there?" Sierra pointed to the table she typically sat at.

"Oh, sure!" Shelby began to take her stuff. "C'mon, Ravi. Let's go over there-"

"No!" Sierra momentarily lost her temper, to which Shelby furrowed her eyebrows. "I mean, just us. I don't like him."

"Why?" Shelby questioned her.

"Well...You know. He's weird," Sierra stumbled over her words.

"Weird how?" Some of Shelby's happiness was gone from her voice and facial expression. Actually she sounded a little flat. Ravi didn't know what to make of this.

Sierra's eyebrows flew up to her hairline. The fact that Shelby had the audacity to even ask was shocking enough, apparently. "You're kidding right?" she snorted.

Shelby stood up straighter, perhaps a little defensive. Instead of her cheerful, smiley face that he'd seen thus far, her lips were downward in a frown. "I don't think I wanna sit with you anymore."

That hadn't been the response Sierra was expecting. She gaped, then with what little dignity she had left after being stood up over the loser of the school, stomped over to her table and left them altogether.

"You didn't have to do that," Ravi was upset that he'd caused her to lose a friendship before it had the appropriate time to develop. "I've sat by myself before. You should go apologize. I'm sure she'll accept it."

"_No_." Ravi was taken aback by how strongly she responded. It was evident by the emotion he saw in her eyes. _They're so green_, he observed. "You're my friend, too. And I'm not leaving you all alone for some mean girl."

"Oh." _How eloquent. _Ravi was rendered speechless. He wasn't accustomed to this kind of friendliness before, nor the loyalty. "Well, uh, thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," Shelby was having difficulty opening her thermos, as it was screwed on rather tightly. "Stupid thing! Can you try, please?" She held it out for him to take. Ravi was what you'd call the exact opposite of strong. _She just defended you, the least you could do is open it for her. _

"Of course," he found that it wasn't as hard as he assumed it would be. With a simple twist, there it came.

"Thank you!" The smell of chilli hit his nostrils. "Do you like chilli? You can have some. I used to trade my lunch with my friends back home all the time. Do you wanna trade? It's okay if you don't. Emily didn't like to trade because her mom baked her brownies but she let me have a bite once and they were _so_ good! I can see why she didn't."

"No thank you," he politely declined.

"So where are your friends? I can't _wait_ to meet them. What do you guys like to do for fun? Me and my friends used to go exploring in the woods all the time. I saw a cute bunny once. Oh my gosh I wanted to pick it up but it kept running away from me."

Ravi stiffened at the mention of his 'friends'. For one, he hadn't disclosed the fact that those 'friends' didn't exist. Shelby was going to find out that he'd indirectly lied to her and that would be it.

_Oh, oh_, his inner voice taunted, _looks like poor Ravi will be all alone again _

"Ravi!" Her fingers snapped right in front of his face.

"What?" he asked stupidly.

"I asked you what your family's like? Do you have any siblings? Elliot's nine. He looks just like our mom. I look like my dad, he's the only one of his siblings to have blonde hair. Isn't that neat?" Shelby blew on the spoon of chilli before sticking it in her mouth.

"Uh, yes," Ravi would have been fine if she talked the whole time, not expecting any sort of reply. Besides, she asked far too many questions. What was the correct answer to the one about his family without revealing what a dysfunctional mess they were?

"Ravi." For the second time, he was brought out of his thoughts. "Are you okay? Are you still upset about Sierra? Do you want me to talk to her? Because I can. I can't believe how rude she was to you. Did you guys used to be friends? Should I tell someone? Maybe Miss Zenon can talk to her-"

"No," he said quickly, panicking at the thought of involving a teacher. "It is fine. I'm just thinking."

"About what?" she proved, tilting her head to the side like a puppy.

_That's nice of you _

"Nothing," he lied, "it's nothing."

"How can you be thinking about nothing?" she asked, bemused.

"It's private," he wished she would get a clue. Understand that he didn't want to talk about it and move on to something else.

"Oh, okay!" she went back to her food, dipping her crackers in her chilli.

Ravi relaxed a little. Perhaps they could finally be finished with all this conversing and just eat in silence.

"Hey Ravi."

Or not.

"Yes?" he said warily.

"Do you like chocolate chip cookies? I think everyone does. I have some, do you want any? I baked them myself. My mom can't bake, she's not very good at cooking. They're really gooey."

Well, they were appetizing looking, he had to admit. "I don't know," he shrugged.

She went ahead and dumped several on a napkin, pushing it towards him. "I made too many and mom doesn't want me to eat them all. I can bring some for you to take to your family on Monday!"

"You don't have to-"

"Oh, it's no problem," she said brightly.

_She says that now _

_Wait until she gets tired of you _

_It'll happen _

_Just wait _

Ravi let the subject drop. "Okay," he whispered in defeat.

Another family dinner. Another forty-five minutes of wearing his usual facade that told the world he was a happy, healthy, studious teenage boy.

"So, kids, how was school?" Jessie asked them like she did every night at dinner to stimulate conversation.

"Fine," there was a grumble of agreement that went around. Jessie was visibly dissatisfied by the lack of elaboration given.

"Okay... Ravi, what about you? How's your wrist?"

She'd caught him mid-bite. He'd hoped to get through dinner without being called on. Swallowing, his mind scrambled to come up with something. "Um, it was good. My wrist feels fine."

"Is it still bruised?" Jessie inquired further. "If you want I can make and appointment with the doctor to get it checked-"

"No thank you, Jessie," he declined. "I am fine. It will heal eventually."

Jessie frowned. "Okay. If you're sure.."

He was. Seeing the doctor meant he would have to miss school and he didn't want that kind of stress. Missing school would lead to falling behind. He couldn't afford to do that.

"So, Ravi." Right in the pit of his stomach, there was a feeling of anxiety that settled within him. "Why were you talking to that Shelby girl today?"

Ravi's eyes flickered to those sitting around him. Jessie's face was shining with happiness and a mixture of surprise. Bertram either didn't hear what Luke had said or didn't care (probably both). Zuri had dropped her spoon and Emma was gaping.

"Are you sure it was Ravi?" Zuri questioned Luke. "Girls never talk to him."

_Thank you for that unneeded observation _

_She's not wrong _

"Oh, I'm sure," Luke crossed his arms. Ravi honestly couldn't tell if he was angry at him or not. If he was indeed, the question was, why? As far as he knew, Shelby and Luke hadn't interacted at all. If they had, there was no doubt in his mind she would have told him. "One of the guys said she was sitting with him at lunch."

"You had a girl sit with you?" Jessie had a hand on her heart. Did she think her comment would be regarded as being kind, acceptable? "What's she like? What does she look like?"

"Is she a real girl?" Zuri joked.

"Yes, she is a real girl," Ravi was offended that they thought so little of him, that the mere concept of a female wanting to be around him was ludicrous. "She's new and Miss Zenon asked me to be a friend for today."

His siblings snickered, ending with a 'cough' when Jessie glared their way.

"Well, Ravi, I think that's very nice," she told him. "Isn't that right, kids?" This was her just _daring_ his siblings to disagree, which they inevitably would.

"It's weird," Zuri said.

"Yeah," Emma said absentmindedly. "The last time a girl talked to Ravi was Jax and we know how that worked out."

His face burned at the painful reminder. That particular situation had been a major breaking point. He'd thought, foolishly, that by dancing, laughing with Jax they would strike up a friendship or even a romantic relationship. Sure, they were complete opposites but he recalled the saying, 'opposites attract'. Even underneath her rebel persona, he found her to be an incredibly beautiful, passionate person. If only she thought the same of him. Her accepting his offer to dance had been more out of convenience and after the brief excitement of him being given detention and turning into someone was not wore off, things went back to how they had originally been. Then came the moment he wished to have forgotten about. After chasing after her for a few days, greeting her much too cheerfully in the hallway and asking twice if she was interested in getting a smoothie with him, Jax let him down not so gently. She'd explained that while he was a 'nice guy and all', they didn't have anything in common and it would be best if they kept to themselves so it wouldn't be awkward.

"_Oh," he hadn't cared how choked up he sounded. "I see." His world had shattered again. Someone else had rejected him. Someone else didn't want him. _

It hadn't crossed her mind that due to the sensitive topic at hand, it would have been wiser to discuss it in private. No. She chose to do it just before chemistry had begun. Right in front of their classmates.

It went about as he'd expected; the news that Jax had all bu dumped him as a potential friend _and_ romantic companion spread around the school like wildfire. He had been utterly mortified that his immediate response had been to tear up. It was noticed, too. Everywhere he went people would wipe away imaginary tears, emitting the most obnoxious noises (he supposed that was to resemble a sob). Even Luke had gone along with it when he was with his friends, insisting that Ravi was too uptight when he requested kindly (despite feeling anything but kind) for him to stop.

"Heh, I remember her," Luke smirked. "Didn't she reject you?"

"You asked her out?" Emma's jaw had dropped.

"No wonder she said no," Zuri muttered.

"I did not ask her out," Ravi was growing agitated. "I wanted to be friends!"

This did not help his case.

At all.

"And she still rejected you?" Zuri burst into a fit of giggling.

"Zuri!" Jessie snapped. "Apologize to your brother."

"Oh come on, Jessie. It's no secret Ravi can't find friends."

_Except for Shelby _

_Shelby is not my friend_

_You don't know that _

_I do _

_How? _

_I just know. Weren't you just saying she'll abandon me? _

_And? Your point? _

"Yeah," Luke said, "we're just pointing out the obvious."

Ravi's chair screeched as it was pulled back. He didn't even bother to push it back in. He rushed off, unwilling to hear any more of their harsh opinions concerning him.

He just wanted to prove them wrong, to show them all that he wasn't completely worthless.

He just wanted to be himself without feeling like it was all very wrong.

Curling up in a fetal position, Ravi buried his face in the coolness of his pillow. Perhaps sleep would ease his mind for the moment.

"_What is WRONG with you?" _

"_Don't you think?" _

"_I should've let her take you with her or bailed the moment she told me about you." _

"_You will never amount to anything, you hear me!?" _

"_Should've made your mother abort you when we had the chance." _

"_Get out of my sight you little twerp!" _

Ravi gasped, jerking out of the momentary rest. He sighed heavily, falling back down. He hadn't thought about _that_ in years.

So why was it resurfacing?


	8. Chapter 8

"What happened to your wrist?" Ravi lifted his head to meet Shelby's face at eye level. Her face was scrunched up, undoubtedly unreadable he wasn't sure how to procede. With his brain frazzled, he stood there dumbly. It wasn't as if he _meant_ for her to see it; his flannel had become too warm and he had meant to take it off for a second. He hadn't heard her approaching him, otherwise he would have endured it until it was safe.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt? Should I get a teacher? How'd that happen? I don't remember you saying anything about your wrist hurting, I'd remember if you did." She babbled, throwing question after question at him. "Boy, I've never hurt my wrist before. Broken bones, though. I broke my leg in third grade and my arm a year later. Have you broken any bones before? Did you get a cast?..." Her voice grew distent as Ravi tried to make sense of his mind.

"_Have you ever broken any bones before?"_

"_Please let, please let go," his papa mocked in a high pitch voice that was supposed to resemble Ravi's. "Oh, I'm sorry; does that hurt?" _

_Ravi nodded his head, staring up at his father with wide, teary eyes. _

"_Hmm. How about this?" There was a loud crack and a blood-curdling scream that shook the entire house. _

"I got one and all my friends signed it. Emily got in trouble for writing 'bang bang' on it. She really liked that one cowboy show at the time, oh what was it called?" She chewed on her lip, drifting off into deeper thought.

Ravi's heart was hammering in his chest and his mouth felt very dry.

"I am fine," he wasn't even sure why he needed to reassure her. "It was just an accident."

"What kind of accident?" There went that short attention span. "Did you fall? Did someone hurt you? Did you trip going up the stairs? Because I do that a lot." She nodded vigorously to emphasize her point.

"Okay..."

"So what happened?" her backpack slid off her shoulder, she let it drop not-so-softly to the floor. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to but I do wish you did. We're bosome friends, aren't we?"

Ravi jerked suddenly, caught off guard by her strange idiom. "W-what?" His cheeks darkened at the word 'bosome'. He hated how the childish response was a go-to in a case such as this.

"It means you're my best friend!" she giggled to which he sighed in relief. "I've been reading Anne of Green Gables and Anne says that about Diana Berry. Have you read it before? Well, I suppose you haven't if you didn't know what bosome friends meant."

"Don't say that," he hissed. A couple people had snickered as they walked passed them, hearing Shelby quite clearly. Unfortunately.

"What? Bosome friends?" She had said that word her lips was a teasing smile. He wanted to die in a hole. Did she have to be so embarrassing?

"Yes, that word," he wanted the floor to swallow him hole. "Nobody uses that anymore."

Shelby didn't seem to mind. "Oh, that's okay! I think when you do things people don't normally do, it means you're unique, don't you think so? How dreadfully boring the world would be if we all were the same. I'd hate it, wouldn't you?"

If they were all the same, perhaps he'd feel less of an outcast.

"Yes," he went ahead and gave her the answer she'd want. It was easier. He'd learned that. Not just with her, everyone.

Shelby beamed.

"You're such a wonderful friend. I really like you. We should hangout sometime after school, don't you think? Oh! What if we go to the park? Or get ice cream? Or do homework together? Or-" her expression became even more happier, only of which could occur with Shelby, "what if I meet your family? I'd absolutely die if I could!"

"Or," Ravi cut in, "perhaps not. I am busy."

"Busy with what? Homework? I have a lot too. Miss Zenon's packet is huge but not that bad. I had one English teacher that gave us two hours of homework every day. She said it was for character building. Emily didn't like her very much and I don't think she liked Emily." At this, she giggled.

"Err yes, and chores. I have too much to do and Jessie says I'm not allowed to have any friends over until I am finished." He felt a twinge of guilt for lying, though he pushed that thought away. It wasn't like she could be counted as a friend, despite her insinuations that he was.

"Who's Jessie? Oh, is she your mom or guardian? Is she nice? Caleb's mom didn't like me very much because she said said I talked too much but I don't think I do."

_Ignorance is bliss _

_Look who's talking _

_I am not ignorant _

_Sure you aren't _

"Jessie is our nanny," he explained half heartedly. A wave of tiredness had washed over him, dragging him down a notch. _I shouldn't have stayed up so late_, he reasoned. _Jessie told me to go to bed and I didn't. _His stubbornness was becoming a hazard as much as Luke's was.

"Oh, you have a nanny?" Shelby was genuinely interested. She didn't make a wisecrack at his expense or tease him about being treated like a baby. "That's cool. Is she nice? Does she have kids too? Does she stay with you guys? I heard that some are live ins and others just come and go. Are your parents gone a lot? Is that too nosy? I'm sorry. I try not to be nosy but I can't help having so many questions. They just come to me and I have to say something or I'll burst. You know?"

Ravi tightly smiled, his lips in a thin line. When the time came that it steered toward the subject of family, he always found a way to change it to something more light hearted. Currently, he was at a loss at what to do now.

Shelby's shoes scuffed on the slick, hallway floor. They were side-by-side, just enough apart that meant they weren't touching each other. Ravi was keen on his personal space; though he doubted she would've been more than okay with breaking that space and invading it to hug or touch him for no reason.

Shelby, he learned, was perfectly fine with speaking and not having her questions answered. She hopped onto the next available topic. Friends. Or, more accurately, the friends she believed that existed when in fact they didn't. "Do your friends go to a different school? I haven't seen them yet and I really want to! I bet they're super fun! Are they? Do you think they'll like me?"

Hypothetically speaking, if those 'friends' she spoke of were in existence, Ravi wasn't so sure they would be taken with her, if he was being honest. She was too _outgoing _for his taste and had no sense of tact to her. As if he could ever (platonically) like her. He shook his head.

_You're terrible _

_Shelby's been nothing but nice to you, the only one to do so and you aren't the least bit grateful _

_I am _

_You have a funny way of showing it _

_She's just- she's so- _

_She's her. You're just being ridiculous _

_I am not! _

_Oh but you are. Perhaps if you truly began to know her then you wouldn't feel a need to badmouth her _

_There is absolutely no point _

_Why? _

_What do you mean why? You already know! She's going to leave. They all leave _

"Ravi?" Shelby turned back to look at him. He'd stopped right in the middle of the hallway. In plain sight. Where everyone could see him and most had. "Are you okay?"

Some guy shoved Ravi as he came by. There was a near collision with him and the floor. He caught himself just in time; that and Shelby rushed forward to grab his shoulder.

"You should say sorry," Shelby called to the guy, "that wasn't very nice."

"Hmm. No thanks!" The guy high fived his buddy, snickering.

Ravi could have cared less about an apology. To what value did it hold anyway? That guy wasn't sorry, not in the slightest.

"He's mean," Shelby said quietly, her bright demeanor diminishing for a moment. "What'd you ever do to him? It's like he hates you or something." He wondered what his facial expression was, because she added quickly, "oh no! I didn't mean that _you_ did anything. I'm so sorry! I just don't get why he did it, is all."

His defenses had immediately gone up and he was preparing for the inevitable. However, her correction had confused him, had relaxed him.

"Oh," he murmured. The itchy feeling in his skin was starting to go away. He felt it often, like he needed to rip the skin off for any comfort to happen.

My God, he was a freak. Normal people didn't feel like this. Normal people didn't have this urgency, this need for relief. Why didn't he get shoved hard enough to be knocked out? That would have solved his woes of attending another school day.

_If I hit my head just right I'd have a cerebral hemorrhage_

_If the blood pools just enough it can cause death _

How can one thought be so terrifying yet so enticing at the same time?

"Oh, we better go," the cheerfulness was back in her voice. "It's almost time for English. Are you excited for today? We're starting the poetry unit, did you know? I love poetry. Do you? It's so romantic. Do you know how simply wonderful it would be if a guy would write me a poem? I'd die of happiness."

Ravi had had enough. He sped up in his walking, muttering under his breath, "I think I'll just walk on my own, thanks."

"Wait, Ravi!" Shelby sounded confused. "I thought we were walking together."

Ravi ignored her and kept on. She would realize soon enough that he wasn't friend material and that she had made a big mistake in choosing him in the first place.

Ravi laid in the comforting silence of the darkness. There was a certain spot on the ceiling that caught his eye for no apparent reason. He stared at it, having done so for two hours now.

He felt so _heavy_. Like there was an anchor on his chest, weighing him down and nothing could pull it off. What was the use? He snorted softly. There wasn't any point. This feeling, this helplessness he'd been experiencing was almost able to be classified as debilitating. He knew he shouldn't feel that way but he couldn't very well help it. This was his life now.

His thoughts began mulling over the day's events, namely the time spent with Shelby. What was her problem today? Or was _he_ the problem? For whatever reason she just kept striking nerves with him. Her obsession with questioning him about his family had grown tiresome and what was all that about trying to make that guy apologize to him? He wasnt some stupid child that needed to be taken care of!

...or maybe he was.

Stupid, anyway.

Luke and everyone else at school thought he was stupid. Emma and Zuri probably thought so as well.

_You know who else thinks you're stupid? _

His teeth clenched, fists wound up as tight as they would go.

_Stop _

_Why not? You scared? _

_Stop it _

_You're scared aren't you? Poor little Ravi. Even being millions if miles away can't make the memories leave, can it? _

_I SAID STOP IT! _

A burst of raw anger shot threw him. He felt a strong desire to break something. He wanted to destroy it; watch as it shattered into smithereens.

"ARRRG!" he tossed his pillow with exceeding force.

It hit the bedroom wall with barely any noise produced.

_Fantastic. Now that we know you have the strength of a cupcake... _

Ravi wrapped his arms around one of his big, fluffy pillows, pulling his knees up to his chest. He let out a long, ragged sigh.

_I just want to feel alright again. Is that too much to ask for? _

He didn't think so.

A tear rolled down his cheek and onto the pillow. _I mustn't be so emotional. If Luke finds out, he will never let me forget it. _

This must be teenage hormones. Ravi knew deep down that this was way beyond hormones. Although, it was the safest bet; so he clung to it. It meant that eventually he would be okay. People didn't live with teenage hormones forever. They outgrew it. So long as he would put forth more focus on things that mattered (his school work came to mind), these feelings he'd been dealing with would subside. Perhaps if he sought out employment, that would be of assistance as well. Working meant less time in the presence of Luke. Besides, he was at an adequate age to acquire one. Most of his classmates had jobs. He wouldn't be able to freeload off his parents for the rest of his life.

His stomach growled.

He had skipped out on dinner earlier that night-well, last night. He was easily able to convince Jessie he was working on a huge project for his science class, reassuring her that he would grab something to eat before it was time for bed.

He didn't.

And as usual, she paid no mind. She was so sure he would do it. And why? Because he had a freakin reputation. He was the good kid that never did anything wrong.

Ravi hated that. More then he could articulate with words.

Quietly, mindful of Luke's door that wasn't completely shut, Ravi descended down the stairs where he snuck into the kitchen. Nothing sounded particularly appetizing. Logically, he knew he was starving but yet, he didn't quite feel the hunger.

He long gave up on trying to understand himself.

Ravi sat at the kitchen table in the dark, munching on a couple chocolate chip cookies Jessie had made. A half filled glass of milk was next to his cookies. _I used to love Jessie's cookies, _he noted that they tasted stale but he knew they weren't.

_You're going to get fat _

_It's two cookies. I believe I'm fine _

_So you say _

Just once he would have liked to push away that inner voice that irritated him so.

_You can wish all you want. The facts are right in front of you _

_Leave me alone!_

The ticking from the clock on the wall was becoming loud, as if right next to his ear.

Shouldn't he have felt lonely in that big kitchen all by himself? That was a normal response, _should _have been a normal respnse.

He suddenly wasn't so hungry anymore.

The old Ravi would have picked up his mess. This new Ravi didn't. He left it for Jessie and the others to see later on.

He flopped on his bed, staring back at the ceiling again. Hooked up to the charger while laying on his nightstand, his phone lit up. The bright light lit up the greater half of his room. Ravi peered at it curiously. Who would be messaging _him_?

Had Shelby gotten his number somehow? Impossible. He didn't text anyone else from school and there was no way in this universe would Luke or Zuri do something nice like that.

He picked it up. His stomach churned upon reading it.

_From: unknown _

_She's going to get tired of you _

In came another.

_Why would she want to be friends with a freak? _

And another.

_You don't deserve to breathe the same air as her _

The phone slid out of his grasp, landing to the floor with a thud. Ravi's chest was constricting. Why-how did they get his number? Whoever they were, they made sure to make it to where it hurt.

_Why is this happening to me_?


	9. Chapter 9

Ravi rubbed at his eyes tiredly until he saw spots in his vision. He tried to stifle a yawn-the third one in a row now. He'd woken up early, before anyone else so as he could have some peace and quiet as he worked on his homework. He needed a moment's rest from any noise; he needed to think. His classes were throwing piles of work at him and he could hardly keep up with everything. Once he finished one paper, it was time to do another. And another, and another...

It would have been less daunting if he could form a proper sentence and not have his thoughts horribly jumbled. Three hours later and he still had not yet written much besides his name at the top. Even without their interference, it didn't clear his mind. It didn't stop his thoughts from roaming rampant, stressing over due dates and how he was going to fail if he didn't get his act together.

But he wasn't sure _how_ to get his act together.

Not even all the planners, high lighters or labels in the world could help him.

_You're never going to college at this rate_

Those dreams of attending an Ivy League school were dashed as soon as his grades started to slip. He should have felt angry, devastated. Ravi felt...nothing. No shame, no anger or anything. Not even when his parents sat him down, wondering what went wrong. They figured he was simply spending too much time doing other things when he should have been studying. He wasn't; there wasn't any energy left in him to do anything besides curl up in his bed.

Now that was near lunch time, the penthouse livened up some. Luke was still sleeping, he knew that much. He'd heard him yelling at his TV some video game. Ravi wasn't going to be joining the family for lunch; he wasn't hungry and he could probably get away with saying he had a lot of work to do, which wasn't technically a lie.

He chewed on the middle of his pencil, a habit he'd grown to have. It was only sometimes, of course in the privacy of his room so no one could grimace and laugh at how disgusting he was.

_You are disgusting. And weird. And strange. _

He reached over to the other side of the desk where he cell phone was, flipped over to the other side with the back facing up. Someone left a nasty message he'd seen after waking up to turn his alarm off.

'_You're weird and don't know when to shut up' _

Whoever it was, they weren't going to leave him alone anytime soon; even when he was in the middle of class. The sensible resolution would be to block the number but that would've led to more problems. Whoever was behind it would tell everyone what a wimp he was, how he couldn't handle it. Ravi just had to tolerate it.

His phone let out a soft _ding_ and his stomach recoiled as if he was just punched. It was best not to look at all, not to engage. If he didn't, they might get bored and leave him alone. That was what the school counselor and psychologist said in at an assembly specifically made for bullying. They made it sound easy, as if it would all go away quickly; he just had to resist the temptation of trying to communicate with that person. But Ravi had been doing just that. He never responded but couldn't shake off the feeling that he _needed_ to see what they wrote. He had to know what they were saying, what they were taunting him about. The sensible option would be to block that person entirely but he was too stupid to do such a thing.

His phone _dinged _a couple more times.

The sick feeling worsened.

With trembling hands, he picked up the phone, turning it on long enough to briefly read the multiple messages.

_You're a waste of space _

_You don't belong here _

_I don't even know why Shelby wants to be around you _

Ravi exhaled shakily. His jaw was clenched, so as not to burst into tears-again. He was supposed to be stronger than this; not so weak that some criticism would make him fall apart.

"Ravi?" The phone fell from his hands, falling to the desk with a loud clatter. His head snapped in Jessie's direction with a deer in the headlight look.

"Jessie?" He echoed.

"What are you doing?" Jessie was frowning. "I thought you were doing homework?"

"...I am," Ravi shifted under her stern gaze.

"By texting?" She didn't wait for an answer. "Ravi, you know better. No electronics until _after _your homework is done."

Ravi lowered his eyes. "I know," he mumbled. "I am sorry."

"Do I need to take it?" Jessie asked pointedly.

"Please," he hadn't thought that she heard-she did, and was a little taken aback.

"What?" She was surprised. "Uh, Ravi, is everything okay?"

He gave her best convincing smile. "Of course. Jessie. Everything is fine."

"You sure? Because it's been a few hours, you're not finished and you look like my Aunt Pearl after she's had a long day at the bar," Jessie examined his appearance, scrunching up her face. "Even Luke has his homework done."

As always, he had an answer. "I am just having some difficulty this morning. I was just researching. I assure you that unlike Luke, I wasn't goofing off."

It was a weak excuse. Him and his siblings had the best of the best computers that a grown man could be jealous of. It didn't make sense for him to search something on his phone, especially considering his laptop was within reach.

Jessie looked like she was going to say something then didn't. It was a blessing and a curse; and he was just about to find out what the curse was.

"And while you are here, I wanted to tell you that I will not be joining you for lunch," Ravi pretended to focus after he set his phone down. Grabbing his mechcanical pencil, he started to write meaningless words (just a ploy to get her to leave), only for Jessie to snatch his pencil away.

"Oh, yes you are," she said matter-of-factly. "That's what I came to tell you about. You kids are either in your rooms or you're with friends and pretty soon you guys will be out living your own lives and wishing you had the time to spend with each other."

Ravi didn't say anything, just waited to see where she was going with this.

"Change your clothes. We're going on a picnic for lunch."

"Oh, but I would much rather prefer-" he shut his mouth at her warning look. _Never mind_

"Don't even try to get out of it, Emma and Zuri tried. I'm going to go tell Luke. Go get ready."

"But Jessie," he finally found his voice. "I must finish this assignment so I can move on to my chemistry."

"You can move on to your chemestry _after_ we get back. You'll have plenty of time later. You need to bond with your family. You'll regret it if you don't."

_I regret going already _

"Come on, it won't be that bad," she rolled her eyes. "And here I thought Luke would be the problem child."

That last sentence was said under her breath. He was, presumably, supposed to not have heard it. He did. He did, ignoring the figurative gut punch and plastered on a smile.

"Alright. I will be out in ten minutes."

"Five," she corrected.

He nodded.

"Five."

It was against everyone's wills. No one wanted to leave their penthouse and be forced outside. Emma was worried about her new romper she'd recently purchased getting a grass stain. Jessie tried to explain, keeping the impatience out of her voice (an impressive feat, considering how many times she had to re-explain it), that they would be sitting on a blanket.

Several threats later, they were coming out of the elevator and were greeted by Tony. Jessie, herself, had a wide smile and a hint of a blush. Ravi didn't know if they still had a "thing" or if this was just her pining.

"Hey kids, Jessie," Tony's voice became _just_ a bit more cheerful when he recognized Jessie.

_Could he be any more obvious? _

"Hey, Tony," Jessie replied, smoothing down her dress.

"Where you and the Ross clan headed to?"

"Oh, just a picnic," Jessie held up the basket. She glanced at all of them with her nanny look. "It's too bad nobody wants to go."

'Why not?" Tony scratched his head.

Jessie maneuvered closer to Tony, out of the middle of the group. "They'd much rather stay cooped up. I swear, I used to stay outside until my dad made me come in."

"Me too," Tony nodded. "Hemp. Nowadays, you can barely get 'em out."

"Right?" Jessie nodded vigorously. After a second, she added, "Maybe if I had a joystick in my hand, they'd follow."

Tony laughed, louder and longer than necessary.

Emma shared a look with Zuri; a little weirded out but Ravi also knew they were inwardly cheering. They'd been crushed when Tony and Jessie broke up and secretly plotted on a way they could get them back together.

Luke was openly glaring at Tony. He still had it bad for Jessie and was upset at Tony for trying to steal "his" woman. Even more so right now because Jessie seemed enamored. She had a goofy grin on her face that Ravi was sure was making Luke's blood boil because _he_ wasn't the one making it happen.

Luke feigned a cough, an obnoxious one at that. It brought the love-sick couple out of their fantasy land _and_ caused his sisters to give him the glare of death for interrupting the moment.

"Uh, I should go. Not that I don't want to stay, of course! I would-but not like because I really you. I do but-"

Emma leaned in to whisper to Zuri, "I haven't seen anything this cringy since Michael Delphino tried asking me to prom."

"Is that the one that kept spitting?' Zuri whispered back.

Emma nodded.

"It's okay," Tony said quickly. "I get it. You guys go on ahead."

They moved on, after Jessie looked behind her to sneak in one last glance at Tony. They crossed the street to Central Park where Jessie found them a nice spot underneath a large tree. It gave them plenty of shade. Besides that, the temperature was fair, giving none of them any leeway to complain or a reason to leave.

"Isn't this nice, kids?" Jessie asked as she opened up the picnic basket. Ravi's stomach growled as he took in the sight of the various foods. There was an assortment of meats and cheeses for sandwiches as well as lemonade, potato salad and some freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. "Isn't it nice to get away from the house and all your electronics and be one with nature?"

"I was trying to film a vlog," Emma said with mild annoyance. "I have over five thousand followers waiting, Jessie. I always post between noon and three on Saturdays."

'Well now you can post after dinner."

"Ugh, this is so unfair," Emma crossed her arms, pouting.

"You think that's unfair? I was sleeping. I have to go to school and wake up early for _five_ days and now instead of getting two days to sleep in, I'm only getting one!" Luke held up one finger for emphasis.

"Well at least you can count," Jessie shrugged. "Guys, stop whining. One afternoon away isn't going to kill you. Some kids wish they'd get to do this."

"Yeah, poor kids," Zuri mumbled.

Ravi put together his sandwich, plopping down a spoonful of potato salad onto his plate. He eyed the food warily; he didn't want to eat anything-maybe he could eat half and get away with it. Jessie was focusing on his siblings anyway with the scariest face she could muster. They were clearly testing her patience.

He'd used to do it, too...

_"Daddy," Ravi crawled on top of the bed, after struggling. There was a mess of papers scattered around. His daddy looked stressed. _

_"Didn't I tell you to knock?" His daddy snapped. _

_Ravi shrunk back. "Yes," he said quietly. He didn't mean to upset him, it was an accident, honest. He forgot, that's all. Determined to make it better, Ravi thought his daddy could use a hug. Ravi liked hugs. They always made him feel better. But in the midst of that his chubby little hand came down right in the middle of one of the papers. _

_"Get off!" His daddy shrieked. Ravi was grasped by his forearm and thrown off the bed (His howls of pain were ignored). "What did I tell you about coming in here? You never listen!" Spittle was flying everywhere. "I should've left when your mother did. Now I'm stuck with you, you little retarded piece of-" _

His skin was itchy, like it was crawling with bugs.

His chest tightened.

That piercing stare his father had given him, though years before, was still vivid.

He could almost hear the crunch of the paper.

_Stop it_, he had to act normal. They were in public and normal people didn't do weird things where others could watch. _Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat. _

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.

He did this as discreetly as possible. He didn't need Jessie to be concerned (or ask questions) or for anyone else to think he was more of a freak.

_I'm okay. He's gone. He won't hurt me. I'm okay. _

"Are we done yet?" Ravi jerked, startled by Zuri. She and everyone else was finished or close to it while he still had majority of his sandwich and his potato salad. "I'm bored."

"Yeah, me too," Luke chimed in.

"No," Jessie said firmly. "Go play or something."

"Aren't we a little too old to 'play'?" Zuri raised her eyebrows.

"No," Jessie said. "I brought a football and frisbee or you can go on the playground." His three siblings were less than thrilled with her response until she added, "_Or _we can go home and I can send you to your rooms, _after_ I take everything out but your beds and dressers."

"On second thought, you're never too old," Zuri reluctantly got up and headed off toward the swing set. Jessie convinced Emma to throw the frisbee around (she also tried to ask Ravi if he wanted to join but he declined. She was only being nice. She knew he was terrible at catching things. With his hands.). Luke found a group of boys to play some football and soon everyone but Ravi was up and having fun. He was still seated on the picnic blanket, toying around with his food. It wasn't necessary for him to actually do something, he was perfectly fine with sitting and observing.

_Who are you trying to kid? _

_I bet if Shelby came you'd be happy _

Gods. He hadn't thought of that. What if today was the day she decided to explore and by coincidence, found him at this very park? There had to be other parks, closer to her residency. Not this one. Definitely not this one.

_I don't want to see her. She is aggravating _

_You're just lying to yourself now_

_I am not. I do not want anything to do with her _

_Yet you have no problem with her sitting at the same table as you _

_She will not leave even if I tell you _

_You just don't want to hurt her feelings _

Of course he didn't want to, he wasn't heartless. Ravi wouldn't wish for anyone to feel a fraction of the hurt he felt. She may get on his nerves but there was no reason to tear her down like that. Ravi had _some _respect, unlike certain other people.

_People like Luke _


	10. Chapter 10

**I decided I won't redo it. I won't make you guys wait and risk potentionally loosing interest/inspiration. So I'll continue. Also, you'll notice more of Shelby's flaw coming out in this chapter and future ones too.**

"Today I want to get started on our first project," Miss Zenon told the class, holding onto a clip board. "I'm going to divide the class into groups of two and then you and your partner will pick one of Shakespeare's works to discuss in front of the class. I expect a two page essay along with it and a glossary of terms and characters. After I announce the groups, one person from each group needs to come up and take a rubric."

Shelby subtly kicked his foot. Ravi glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, gingerly."Ravi, hey," she whispered, keeping her eyes on Miss Zenon. "Maybe we'll be partners! Won't that be fun?"

Not exactly, per say. He was becoming used to her presence (as if it was possible to not when she was so obnoxiously happy and excited all the time) but that didn't mean he could tolerate extra amounts of her.

Miss Zenon began reading off names. "Ben and Katie."

Ravi watched as they grinned at each other, albeit Katie's was more shy.

"Kerry and Jerry."

Shelby was going to be disappointed, or as close as she could be. Between all of the other unpaired students and the reputation teachers had for pairing up students that either didn't know each other or hated the other person, Ravi was sure they wouldn't be together. It would have had to have been pure luck. Only a random, completely coincidental chance of being paired with-

"Shelby and Ravi."

What?

"Oooh, yay!" Shelby beamed and went to retrieve the paper, leaving him baffled.

"How did that happen?" Ravi muttered to himself.

"I had strong prayers," Shelby was still smiling widely as she returned to her seat and handed him the rubric for him to peer over. His stomach sank lower and lower as he absorbed the instructions. They were going to have to reenact a scene from the chosen work, either filming it to show the class or perform it on the due date. Oh God. Great. A chance to humiliate himself.

"Did you read this?" He took a deep breath to calm his heightened anxiety.

Okay. Do not panic. It will be okay

You always say that but it always goes wrong

I'm trying to be positive

Why? It never works. Not for you

"Not yet," she shook her head, flipping open her binder where she had all of her papers about Shakespeare. "Why? What's it say?"

"We have to reenact a scene," he said uneasily. If she didn't want to and he didn't want to, perhaps there was a way out of this. They could submit a longer essay or-oh, who was he kidding? She was probably going to the love the idea.

Her eyes lit up. "That sounds fun!"

Knew it

"I suppose," he shrugged, not wanting to seem wimpy over something as trivial as a school assignment. He felt nauseous at the thought of it.

"We did something like that back at my old school," Shelby reminced, putting her chin in the palms of her hands. "We were reading Macbeth and my teacher, Mrs. Cheatem, had us act it out instead of just reading. We even got to use costumes that the drama kids used. It was so fun! I got to be Lady Macbeth and I can't remember what Emily was but she didn't like it. She wanted something small because English was her sleeping period but Mrs. Cheatem gave her a bigger part. It really helped though, to act it out. We all passed our big test at the end, even Emily and she sucks at taking tests. She got a 5 percent once. It was a math test. Her parents were so mad. I didn't know you could get that low; I guess you can if you don't study. Emily doesn't like to study, she's too lazy and she says it's a waste of time. Our other friend, Isabella, she studies for everything. She told me she made into AP chem this year. Emily likes to call her a teacher's a pet and Isabella likes to call Emily a future plumber because she says it's the only job she'll have if she doesn't study."

Against his better judgement, that last remark did bring out an amused smile.

"You smiled!" Shelby said excited, as if it was a great discovery. Several people turned their way. "Oh my Gosh! I can't believe it! I'm pretty sure that's the first one you've done, around me anyway. Doesn't it just feel just terrific to smile? I love to. I do it all the time!"

As quick as it came, it was gone due to her reaction. Ravi hid half his face, cringing inwardly at what everyone else must be thinking. "Do you suppose we could focus on the assignment, please?"

"Of course!" Shelby went on as usual. Of course, though. She didn't have to deal with the repercussions of her words. "What should we pick? I'm good with anything. You can choose. I bet you'll find a good one."

How about nothing?

"How about Romeo and Juliet?" He tried. It was the easiest, most well known work of Shakespeare's. They would get their easy A and find something doable to act out that wouldn't leave him a puddle of nerves.

Sure that's why you want it and not because there's a kissing scene

Ravi's cheeks reddened and he hoped Shelby took no notice of it. Granted, she was a pretty girl but that did not mean he wanted to get romantically involved with her.

"I like it," Shelby told him. "What scene should we do? Oh, there are so many good ones! My school did Romeo and Juliet for our school play. I wasn't in it, but I watched it. It was really good. Isabella played Juliet. I wish I could act but I can't keep a streight face." At this, she giggled a little.

"Let us focus, please," Ravi repeated, suppressing a sigh. He had a feeling that he was going to be saying that a lot until they were finished. "We only have two weeks to get it done and I would rather not waste most of it by slacking."

The words spilled out thoughtlessly. He winced and expected to see hurt or anger in her eyes but there wasn't any.

"I agree," she nodded vigorously. "I've never really liked group projects because it all gets pushed on one person and it's so unfair."

That...that was Ravi's major grievance with group projects. He was the unlucky person that had to do all the work while everyone got credit for it.

"Me either," he admitted.

Shelby patted the top of his hand. It was something that momentarily stunned him. No one voluntarily touched him anymore. Regardless, he managed not to pull his hand away, even though it should have been his first instinct. "Don't worry," she meant to sound reassuring, "we'll figure this out. I won't make you do all of it."

Ravi wasn't used to kindness, especially from a girl. People like Shelby didn't go around being nice to everyone including him. People like her snubbed people like him. They didn't get happy or smiley and they didn't make a promise to divide the project equally.

It was all wrong.

"Did you decide what scene you wanted yet?" Shelby had her book open as well. All of her notes were in a neat pile on her desk.

"I do not know," Ravi sighed. "Perhaps act five, scene two? It's fairly short so neither of us would have many lines."

But Shelby had other plans. "Oooh! Or we could do the balcony scene? It's so romantic!" Her eyes gleamed and she let out a dreamy sigh.

"And long," Ravi deadpanned.

She giggled.

"Besides, we will not have enough people for that scene. The nurse makes three and there's only two of us," Ravi said slowly as if he was speaking to a small child.

Shelby smiled knowingly. She leaned over to reach his book, which was open to the page. "That's why I'll play Juliet and the nurse."

"But how will that work? You will need to distinguish your voice and as we've already discussed, you cannot keep a straight face while acting."

"Raviiiii," she stretched his name out purposefully. "Don't worry."

He couldn't help it. It was his nature.

With ten more minutes left of class, he was a bit discouraged at what they had accomplished-or lack of accomplished.

When she suddenly grabbed his arm, he had to fight the urge to squeak. Squeak. "Oh my gosh! I have an idea! It's a really good one too! I think you'll like it, I know I do!"

"What is it?" Ravi kept the irritation out if his voice, miraculously. He was a pro at this.

"We should work on this at your house!" He froze. "It would be SO fun! I could meet your family and we could hangout together. I used to do that with my friends back home all the time. We always stayed at Caleb's house. His house was the hangout spot. I hope they're still doing it even though I'm not there. I'm sure they are. I wouldn't want Caleb to get lonely. He's a little shy. I remember when we met in first grade, he got scared by some kids on the playground and stayed with me and our friend Lexie. Don't you miss first grade? It sure was different, but a good different. I hated naptime so I always tried looking at picture books under my blanket." "

"You-me-my house?" Ravi stammered, ignoring the rest of her spiel. "Oh no, I am not certain that's wise."

"Why not, silly?" She seemed to have made up her mind already. "How else are we going to practice our lines?"

"Before school," he suggested desperately. "I can ask Jessie if I can stay after as well."

"Or we could go over to mine!" Was this girl ever not excited? She was going to blow her pupils out. "My parents would love to meet you! It's still kinda messy from moving but you can actually see the floor now. I could show you my room, it looks so cool! I haven't had anyone over yet so you'll be the first one!" She had already put her stuff back into her backpack.

Ravi, on the other hand, was still caught off guard by this latest idea.

RIIIING

The rest of the class collectively left, talking at once about their projects.

Shelby stood up, waiting for him. "Aren't you coming?" She asked, unfazed.

I wish I was not


	11. Chapter 11

"I must ask you to reconsider," Ravi had spent the rest of his classes after English to garner up a sufficient counterargument. With the way they'd reacted to the news when they heard Shelby was willingly sitting and talking to him, he could imagine how mortifying it would be if she actually came.

Shelby stopped what she was doing-humming whilst attaching different kind of pins to her backpack-to give him a bemused look. "Reconsider what?"

"Your idea," he waited for a response but she was still confused. "For our project."

"Ooooh," Recognition flashed across her face. "Why's that?"

"I just think it would be wise to reconsider," he repeated. "You must be very busy after moving and I don't want to disrupt that. And I am very busy myself...with things," he said lamely.

"Silly, I'm never too busy for you," she told him as though it was obvious.

A strange warm sensation filled his entire chest but he shook it off. It didn't matter how many times she rattled off about their alleged friendship or proclaimed about how Ravi was her best friend, his guard was still up and it would be a long time before it was down.

"That is not the point," Ravi argued. "Would you parents appreciate me coming over when they're probably in the middle of unpacking?"

"They're at work," Shelby sucked on a juice box. "My dad's a teacher. He teaches first grade, but no; he didn't teach my class. That would've been so cool! I know most kids wouldn't like to be in the same class as their parents but I would! It would be amazing if he taught high school instead, don't you think? Oh! And my mom's a nurse. She works in the ER. I went with her once, on one of those bring-your-kids-to-work-day's. Elliot got sick after seeing all the blood but I didn't! I think I might do something medical after I graduate. What about you? Have you thought about what you want to do?"

"No," he said flatly. But back to the original subject. "I really think we should wait. Your parents probably wouldn't want to know at the last minute that I'm coming over."

"I could text dad."

"That would still be inconvenient."

Shelby shrugged. "They never said I _couldn't_ have anyone over."

Ravi could tell he was losing the battle. "Perhaps we should go somewhere else."

"Like your house? That's a great idea! Oh my gosh, I can't wait! I'll text dad now!" she seemed very pleased by his 'suggestion'.

"No, no. That's not what I meant!" he panicked.

"But you just said-"

"No," he said it a little more harshly than he intended for it to be. "You cannot come over."

"Why not?"

B-because, err," he had to think quickly. Then a thought occurred to him. "Because my living room isn't cleaned and Jessie doesn't allow us to have anyone over if it isn't." He did the most fake apologetic head shake he could muster.

He barely stopped himself from making a face at his ridiculous excuse. There was no way she would believe that.

"Oh, I see," she said like it made sense. "So where would we go? Or are we not working on it today?"

Hmm. Had she just asked that in the first place, maybe he wouldn't of freaked out so much. "I do not know." He could ask Jessie for permission to be out until dinner. He and Shelby could find a place, somewhere in the public view for them to rehearse. "Perhaps the library or the park?"

"I like that!" Shelby bobbed her head. "How about the library? I love it there! I used to sit at the one back home for hours and read."

Ravi was okay with that. Moreso, he was pleasantly surprised at the information she revealed. Hardly anyone he knew voluntarily spent their time reading. "Alright."

She cheered, only to be shushed by the lunch monitor. Her giggles quietened. "This means we'll get to walk together after school! Won't that be great?"

"Sure," he lied. He hoped Jessie would inform Luke and Zuri so he didn't have to himself. Or run the risk of Shelby meeting them.

"Great! It's a date!"

He choked on his water.

"_Excuse me_?"

"Relax, silly," she broke out into a grin as she handed him a couple napkins. "It's not a real date. We're just working on our project."

He wiped away the excess water from his chin. "Right," he muttered.

Shelby occupied herself by texting her dad to see if it was okay to go to the library. Ravi was doing the same with Jessie.

_Is it okay if I go to the library after school? It's for a project. _

Jessie replied a couple minutes later. She must have been eating lunch as well.

_Of course, sweetie. Just be back by dinner. I'll tell Luke and Zuri so they don't wait for you. _

"My dad said it was okay," Shelby grinned.

"Jessie did as well."

"I can't believe we're gonna hangout!" she squealed. "I didn't know if I could because my brother and I have chores to do after school. Just simple stuff like taking out the trash. Do you have a lot of chores to do or does someone do it for you? Did that sound mean? I hope not. Sometimes people think I'm nosy but I don't mean to be. It just comes out that way."

"I do my own chores," he said, not addressing the fact that he was the only one of his siblings that did. Bertram didn't do much other than the occasional dust or maybe laundry. It was Jessie who took care of things. "And no, it wasn't mean," he added. A little nosy on her part yes, but he didn't take it as being mean.

_Interesting that you felt the need to say it _

_What? I'm just being nice. It isn't a crime _

_No, but I thought you didn't care about her? _

_I...I don't. Not like that _

Shelby reached over to squeeze his hand as a kind of thank you. "I'm so glad I met you. I told my friends back home about you and they want to meet you sometime! Caleb's the only guy in our group so he'll be happy to have you to talk to."

Ravi's mouth went dry at the thought of meeting new, strange people. If Shelby acted the way she did, he could imagine the people she was around. "Oh, no, I don't think so."

"Why not?" Her wide, bright eyes looked so innocent.

Ravi caught himself staring but quickly retracted. They were just very green and he wasn't used to seeing green eyes._Yeah, that's it._ "I just don't." He didn't feel like explaining.

Shelby shrugged. "Okay."

Shelby needed to grab something from her locker before they left. It was fine by Ravi. He slipped into the bathroom to relieve himself and afterwards he met her at the end of the hallway. Most of the students were already gone, except for those in extracurriculars and the teachers that were preparing to leave.

Shelby tied her hair back in a high ponytail and rolled up the short sleeves on her t-shirt. "Ready?" she had a bounce in her step. He dearly hoped she was not going to skip on the way there.

"Yes," he nodded curtly. "Let us go."

They walked out of the school, side-by-side (although, Ravi made sure they _weren't_ touching by any means), down the steps at the front entrance and they made a left turn. By now, the street was crowded with a mob of people rushing around as it always did. He was caught off guard when Shelby suddenly grasped a fistful of his shirt as they maneuvered through. Even the noise of the city did not detour her from talking.

"We didn't have this many people back home. My town's super tiny and I know everyone. Do you know a lot of people here? I used to say hi to my neighbors and I had this one grumpy old guy who always ignored me until I gave him an apple pie as a Christmas present. You should've seen his face, he was so happy! Do you like apple pie or any kind of pie? I kinda like pecan but I love cake more, I like the frosting. Pie's okay but it's not something I'd choose over cake."'

She chattered on directly behind his ear, causing him to wince at her volume.

_Dear Gods, does she ever stop talking? I cannot take much more of this _

Finally they made it out, and only after he inched away did she release her hold on his shirt. "Sorry," she giggled.

Ravi squinted his eyes when the sun beamed down right on his eyes. Never did it occur to him to bring sunglasses; of course, never did it occur to him that he would be going anywhere else besides school that day either.

"Are you hot?" Shelby broke through his thoughts.

"What?"

"Your face," she pointed to her cheeks, "it's red. Wanna stop for a drink? I can buy, I just got my allowance. But I am trying to find a job. Back home I helped the local farm because he lived alone. Have you ever milked a cow before? It's _so_ fun! You should totally do it sometime!"

He cut her off before her speil ran any longer than it had to be. "I am fine, thank you. Perhaps later."

Unbeknownst to her, he never intended for later to come.

"Okay!" She did one high skip then resumed her normal walking pace.

Unlike any of the times they'd walked together around school, Shelby seemed absorbed in her own little world, not offering any kind of conversation. It was honestly refreshing. Ravi sideways glanced at her, from the corner of his eye he saw her eyes lighting up as she took in the sights and sounds of New York. She reminded him of himself when he first arrived; when everything was so new and exciting. It must have been the same way for someone raised in a rural area to be uprooted to somewhere else so big and different from anything they've ever known.

_Someone's being sympathetic! _

"Wow," Shelby murmured, taking in the buildings and flashy signs. It was, possibly, the shortest sentence she'd spoken since she moved there.

"It's nothing special," Ravi didn't know why he felt the need to be negative.

Shelby turned to face him, smiling like she was reminiscing. "We don't have these fancy things where I'm from."

_What do you have? _

"I suppose it's not special to you since you're probably used to it and all," she half shrugged. "But for me, it's like winning the prize for the biggest pumpkin."

He looked at her puzzledly, not understanding.

She explained right away. "Nobody but Old Man Bobby Joe ever won the pumpkin contest. Nobody ever knew why, but he did it every year. He also made the best pumpkin pie, too."

"I thought you said you did not like pie very much?"

"Well, not really," she said. "But you can't _not_ on Thanksgiving, even if it doesn't taste as good as cake."

This time, he shrugged. "I've never had any."

She stopped walking-he did, too, confusedly-and gasped. "Never ever?"

He wasn't sure what the big deal was. "No?"

"Why not?"

"No one in my family likes it so I suppose that's why."

"Remind me at Thanksgiving to save you a slice," she nodded, saving that thought into her memory bank.

"Oh, no. That is not necessary-"  
She slapped his back, a tad hard. "Well, sure it is! Besides, sharing is caring!"

_Unless what you are sharing is germs _

"If you insist," he said hesitantly.

"Course I do," she told him. "You may not get to have Old Man Bobby Joe's but my dad'll bake it and it's pretty good. Do you like whipped cream? We always have whipped cream on ours but if you don't like it, I'll tell dad to keep it off."

"...Yes." He was the only one in his family that did, Jessie and Bertram included.

"Great! We'll keep it on!"

_Yay_. Ravi forced a smile.

"Oh, we're here!" She pointed at the library. "It's much bigger than the one back home. Ours used to be someone's house, which was kinda cool but didn't really have a lot of space unless you went to the basement but that was the kids section."

The inside of the library was calm and soothing. Ravi had come there prior to this, seeking refuge in books and silence. It wasn't completely silent, but better than the penthouse. The stacks of books on the shelves excited him, not quite the same way anymore, though it didn't leave him altogether.

"Wow," she repeated. Ravi had to agree with her. "This is so cool!"

The librarian, a young college girl who obviously didn't want to be there, threw them a dirty look that clearly told them to shut up-or else.

"Volumn," Ravi whispered quickly. The last thing they needed was to get kicked out for insubordination.

"Oh, right. Sorry. This is so cool," she said quieter, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck.

_Oh Gods_

"Where should we go?" Shelby craned her neck, looking for a spot.

Ravi prayed that no one from school, the nerds that were even against him, weren't going to show up here. So far, he didn't see anyone he knew or recognized, as it was mostly vacant. "I am fine wherever."

"Great, how about there!" Shelby was referring to the spot right next to an open window (which was strange considering the air condition was on, but he digressed).

"Sure," Ravi agreed.

They sat their backpacks on the table, unpacking the necessities: pencils, a notebook, the papers from English on Shakespear, the Romeo and Juliet book and the rubric. Ravi sat down whilst Shelby was across from him, just like at lunch. After she pushed her chair forward, she smiled at Ravi and he realized he didn't know what to say.

His mind went blank.

"Did you decide on what part we should choose?" She was the first to speak.

It was then he had to admit. "I was hoping you did."

She giggled. "Oh. That's funny."

_Not really _

"Well, we could either do the balcony scene or the one with the two friar's, I think that's what we talked about in class, right? So what do you wanna do?"

"I do not know," he hated that he was bing so indecisive. It wouldn't matter down the line so why was he being so picky? He frustrated himself sometimes more than others did.

Shelby bit her lower lip, sinking into deep thought. "Well, the rubric doesn't say the scene has to be timed, so if you want, we can do the friar scene and get it over with so you won't have to be up there long."

He eyed her warily. "I thought you wanted to do the balcony scene because it was romantic?"

"Oh, I do," she said. "But I also don't want you to have stage fright. My friend Isabella had it when she did her first play, The Little Princess. She was the lead, Sara, and it was her first time as the lead and she froze up right on stage! Poor Bella. She was so upset after, even though she remembered her lines and finished. I wouldn't want that to happen to you. Bella was so embarrassed, she didn't want to come to school for a while."

_I wouldn't want to go to school either way _

_You should thank her _

_Why? _

_She's being nice. God knows you don't get __**that **__often_

A cluster of thoughts, burdened memories, fogged up his mind to the point he was tongue tied.

_"I swear if you say another word, I'll kill you." _

_"Class, this is your new classmate: Ravi Ross." _

_"You talk weird." _

_"I bet he smells weird too." _

_"Ravi! If you keep talking to Mr. Kipling, people are gonna start thinking you're weird. Trust me, you can't afford it." _

Shelby sat patiently, blinking. Rather unnerving, he should've asked her to stop but he couldn't. He didn't know why, why he couldn't just speak but there was too much going on at once.

His head shot up at the sound of a water bottle being put down in front of him.

"I forgot I had it," Shelby was speaking softer than she was when they came in. Was it because she was aware she needed to use an inside voice or did she sense a change in him? "Go on, I didn't drink out of it, I promise."

He took it, only upon the realization that his throat and mouth were unnaturally dry. He was absolutely parched. As he sipped, careful not to push himself into shock, he heard Shelby talking again.

"You looked hot. Your face is still red and you're sweating. I didn't want you to get heat stroke or something. That happened to someone I know, once. It was awful. He thought he was dying. He passed out right in front of me. If my mom wasn't a nurse I don't think I would've been as calm. Bella would've freaked out, I know that. She isn't always good in an emergency."

"Thank you," and he meant it. He was about to hand her the bottle back but figured she probably didn't want it after his mouth touched it.

"You can have it," she said nicely. "I have tons of them laying around." She really did. A glimpse inside her backpack showed at _least _three others. Well, he inwardly scratched his head, on the bright side, Shelby was properly hydrated.

"Thank you," he muttered with humiliation that made him want to cover his face and hide. Whatever got him so worked up, that disrupted what was supposed to be their study time, made him feel so small. _Luke _wouldn't have acted this way. He would've pulled through it.

_There you go comparing yourself again. Makes you feel good, does it? I mean, why else would you constantly think about Luke? _

"I think we should do the Friar scene," he recalled what she said earlier, in between the unnecessary details, about her friend having stage fright. It would be a nightmare if that happened to him, if he made a fool of himself like that. It was nothing compared to what it would be like if he did it within view of Mitch, but he preferred not to think of that scenario.

"Sounds good to me, Bright Eyes," she said cheerfully.

He stared at her, perplexed. "Pardon?" He didn't know if he should laugh at the absurdity or make a break for it.

"I called you bright eyes," she explained, despite not needing to. He very well heard what she said. "Because you have bright eyes. They're pretty. Caleb has pretty eyes too, his are blue."

"Okay?" He was thoroughly confused but he wisely kept it to himself so she didn't spend any more time on it than need be.

"I've been trying to find a nickname for you since we met but I didn't know _what _to call you. I like Bright Eyes, it fits, don't you think?"

"Do you have nicknames for all your friends?"

"Not really," she only added to his confusion. "Unless you count Bella for Isabella and Emmy for Emily. You're the first, isn't that great!"

"Fantastic," he said dryly. "I'm thrilled."

"Me too!"

The grumpy librarian shushed her again, harsher this time around. Her arms were in the air and she carried this "Seriously?" vibe with her. With a huff and shake of her head that jiggled her bun, she went back to whatever she was reading on her phone.

"Sorry," Shelby said with an exaggerated whisper. The girl never acknowledged her apology. "She looks annoyed," she observed.

_Rightly so_. "She must be having a bad day," Ravi said. _And your lack of volume control isn't helping matters._

"Wait right here," Shelby was out of her chair before her command had time to register in his mind.

"What are you-" but it was too late, she was already approaching the girl. He could only hope she didn't say anything that would result in them being barred for life.

_What do you care? You're always cooped up in your room anyway _

_I would rather not be treated as though I am a criminal, should I ever want to return _

Ravi shook his head, looking up just in time to see Shelby coming back. Behind her, the college girl was glaring at her.

"You," she said to Ravi, "tell your girlfriend to keep her mouth shut and stop talking to people like they're your best friend. It's weird and makes you seem like a creep."

Her words flew over his head. Although he would most certainly agree with her reasoning, one aspect was currently causing him more trouble than the rest.

She thought-

They were...

_What? _

"We're not dating,I assure you," he gestured between them.

Shelby nodded along. "We're just besties!"

_The feeling is unrequited_

The girl folded her arms across her chest. "I don't care what you're calling it," she waved a hand at them, "but like I said, don't do it. Now shut up and do what you're doing or leave. It's as simple as that." With a clearly fake sweet smile, she turned back around and disappeared into the ladies restroom.

Ravi was staring in horror.

_I cannot believe this_

"She looks upset now," Shelby noted. "I feel bad. I didn't mean to do that. I just wanted to cheer her up. I told her she was pretty and I liked her shirt. Mom and dad always told me compliments can make someone feel better. I didn't know she was going to get mad like that. I think I'll go apologize."

"No!" Ravi immediately grabbed her arm. "Please, I am begging you not to. That is a very bad idea."

"Why?"

He had to bite down on his tongue, _hard_, to keep his temper from flaring.

"_Because_ she probably wants to be left alone. Not everyone is wired the same way."

"That's true," Shelby sat back down.

"Can we _please_ continue working on our project now?"

"Oh, yeah!"

Thankfully, there was no more incidents after that. The conversation died off and they dissolved into silence. Ravi kept an eye on the clock so he knew when to leave (he was looking forward to it; he couldn't wait to get back to the penthouse so he could lock himself in his room). They worked out who would do what: Shelby would do the two page essay (and Ravi would look it over) while he did the glossary of terms and characters. He had the easiest job of them whilst she had to explain the significance of not only the scene, but the characters as well.

She scribbled down her essay (and promised she would type it up once she was home). The squeakiness of her pencil drove him mad and he was tempted to say something; however, he didn't want her to start talking again so he let it slide.

"Almost done," she informed him after she wrote on both sides of the first page. "How about you?"

Ravi had barely accomplished much of anything. He was working on the terms first. It was just so hard, after what just happened, his mind refused to let him be at ease and do what needed to be done.

"I,erm, I did three."

"Good work!" she congratulated him.

Ravi almost glared. That stung slightly, for he was sure she was being patronizing. "We should be finishing up so I have time to walk back home."

"Me too," she started to put her things away, not in an organized manner. "I had fun, Ravi! Well besides for making the librarian mad, I still bad. When do you wanna get together again?" She looked at him expectantly.

_Never _

"I don't know," he sighed. He was being honest.

"And how will I know _when_ you want to get together or if you can't make it?"

"I'll tell you at school."

"_Or_."

He saw her grin mischievously.

_Oh no. What now? _

"Do you know what this means?" she was bouncing in her seat, unable to contain her glee like a normal person could.

"What?" he almost groaned.

If she started screaming, he swore...

"We should exchange numbers!" She hit her leg with her palm. He jumped. "Why didn't I think of that sooner?" she hit herself on the head. "We could've been texting each other everyday!"

_No, we wouldn't have _

"Oh, no, that isn't necessary," Ravi tried to say but it was useless. Shelby handed him her cell phone, black with no case. He took it from her, holding it while glancing at her tentatively. He couldn't recall giving his number to someone else, and with such _happiness_ from the other person. Shelby looked at him encouragingly-honestly, whatever deity made it happen did it. He typed in his number and gave it back to her. She squealed.

"Oh my gosh! This is so exciting! Here, I'll text you so you have my number too!"

Almost instantly, he heard his phone vibrate.

_Hey bestie! Are you excited? I'm excited. I can't wait! Now we can have late night conversations! You know, as long as it isn't too late during school. My parents are kinda strict about that. Is Jessie strict? Because I don't wanna get you in trouble or anything. I'd feel awful if I did._

So she was capable of talking fast _and _typing fast. He had much to look forward to.

**When it says, Mr Kipling, that was before they found out he was a she **


	12. Chapter 12

He couldn't shake it off; that jittery feeling. It was keeping him on edge, like an unwanted rush of adrenaline repeatedly washing over him. He blamed it on Shelby, as unfair as it might seem. All day before meeting her for their study 'date', he'd been horribly nervous. His mind had created about a dozen scenarios of things going wrong and he hadn't been too far off from the truth, in actuality. He would never be able to go back if that girl was still there, he couldn't face her after she scolded them for Shelby's behavior (and the absolutely ludicrous insinuation that she was hs girlfriend!). A part of him felt some resentment toward her, a sense of aggravation that once, just once she couldn't have toned it down somewhat and acted like a normal person. She couldn't have done it, could she? Ravi dreaded to think of the other days he would have to spend with her to finish this project if she had been that way earlier, what would the other times hold? It was worse, that being he couldn't ask Miss Zenon for a change of partner; who'd want to be his partner? He had no other option but to accept that he was stuck with her.

And then he'd be done.

He was anticipating it; yearning for it.

He could feel his conscious admonishing him for acting no better than the bullies at school, urging him to give Shelby a chance, a real chance because she might surprise him. If he was like his old self, he would have. He never wanted anyone to feel like an outsider, like when he first arrived in America and went to school where everyone else stared at him like he was some kind of freak (You are). But, the stubbornness was seeping through. Shelby must not have felt that way, she was way too jovial and generally, excluding whatever they might have been thinking about her association with him, people liked her. She was the refreshing breath of air that made her different from everyone else. Some of their classmates were the rich, snobby type and others weren't as bad; Shelby was genuinely a down-to-earth girl that he should've gotten along well with.

He just...couldn't.

He shifted his feet underneath of him, pulling his blanket up to his stomach. A few droplets of water fell down his face; his hair was still damp from the shower he just took. He'd been in the middle of washing it when Zuri had come banging (pounding with an iron fist) on the door, demanding (not having a little bit of courtesy to see how much longer he would be) that he get out now because she was next. Initially, he was going to yell back at her, to say that she was going to wait until it was her turn; but then he thought about it, about how they ordered him around with no disregard for him. She didn't deserve a response so he didn't give her one. The banging continued, nothing he couldn't drawn out with the water and a little humming. He should have known she would go for Jessie. Anything to get her way, of course. His stomach sank in dismay when he heard Jessie outside the door, trying to be patient and (semi) lecturing him on how they needed to compromise now that they were back in school and while he may have gotten away with taking long showers in the summer, he needed to shorten it to twenty.

With more aggression than the situation justified, he shut it off, drying off in a quick, ineffective (since he was still dripping) manner. He threw on his clothes, exiting the bathroom without so much as looking in Zuri's direction. Whatever she'd said to him, probably some snarky remark that he would've had to restrain himself on replying on, he didn't comprehend. It was probably for the best so Jessie didn't have a reason to ground him.

He sighed, annoyed. Perhaps a punishment might have been better, if it meant he was to be sent to his room for an unspecified amount of time. Jessie forced him out of there, claiming he needed to spend time with his family instead of being cooped up so much. He was entirely fine with the latter. How did she come to the conclusion that more family time was what he needed after she witnessed Zuri's tantrum for supposedly taking up all the hot water? Quite frankly, he knew what she was trying to do and it wasn't working, not in the slightest. She'd seen how his relationships with his siblings had deteriorated since she came to work for their parents and had taken it upon herself to fix it. Well, Ravi didn't want her to 'fix' it. He didn't need her to rescue him like he was some damsel in distress; like he was a broken china doll that needed to be put back together. He had everything under control himself. Perhaps, yes, he did miss being wanted by others (besides Mrs. Kipling) but he didn't miss it enough to have any desire to mend it (or have anyone do it for him). If he had to live the rest of his life without siblings (figuratively) then so be it.

He had to do it before and he'd do it again.

Ravi adjusted the pillow that was supporting his back, wiggling until he got into a more comfortable position. If he couldn't stay in his room like he wanted, he brought one of his books-that he'd read more times than he could count- down with him and planned on reading (or skimming, really. TV was too mind-numbing and he was too worn out to do anything strenuous) until he had to go to bed. A swift glance around the room had him internally snorting. Jessie wanted him downstairs for some family time but, to no surprise to him, none of them were around. Luke was out with some of his friends (he'd seen Jessie trying to call him for the sixth time just before he came down), Emma was locked up in her room with her music blaring and Zuri was probably on her phone, watching more videos or something that he couldn't bring himself to care about. Why was he getting told off when they could virtually do whatever they wanted (for the most part)?

He'd always known the rules varied for him then his siblings. They were irresponsible and he was the good, dependable kid that tried to always do what he was told without question. At first, he didn't mind so much (he hadn't minded much of anything for a while). He soon saw it went from being tolerable to downright unfair once he truly opened his eyes to it. Why did he have to finish the chores that they were supposed to finish but didn't because they knew they could? Why was it that when he made a mistake, i was somehow worse than when they did?

Why did they get to change while he had to keep being the same person they'd always known?

Talking to the school 'psychologist' would have been a huge joke. She only cared enough about student problems to where she wouldn't be sued for it. He had no one to turn to; it should have hurt him but he guessed he was so used to it that it didn't really matter anymore. It was hard to be taken seriously when you were considered everyone's object of ridicule. Not only that, he didn't feel like being patronized or told in a roundabout way that he was just being dramatic, that it was all in his head. That those feelings of rejection, of feeling unloved and unwanted, he just made it all up for attention.

That made his blood boil.

If anyone ever alluded to the very idea-

He might not have much self-control.

"Where were you?" Ravi tore his eyes away from the page (where he'd read and reread the same paragraph for about five minutes now). Zuri was suddenly in front of him, hands on her hips with a facial expression that indicated to him that she somehow as entitled to know.

"At the library studying," he replied even though he didn't have to tell her a thing. He spluttered indignantly when she grabbed the book and threw it across the room with ease. That was what he was talking-no regard for his personal property.

"Cut the crap," she scoffed in a way that was so reminiscent of the gossipy, popular girls at school. "Jessie said that you said you were with a girl and we all know that's not true."

Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

"Excuse you but I was with Shelby!" he snapped, not able to keep his temperment at bay. "Not that it is any of your business."

She stared, a mixture of amazement (that he'd lost control) and miffed that she was talking to her that way (he would have liked to say a little more-but knew better). "What's your problem?"

"My 'problem'," he used air quotes, "is you. You're always in my business and I'm quite tired of it. And why do you care who I was with and what I was doing?"

"I don't," she shot back. "I just find it hard to believe you managed to find a girl to be around you. I'm surprised you haven't scared her away yet."

A flare of anger rushed through him. There it was again! Always having to remind him relentlessly about how girls never wanted to be around him because they thought he was so weird. It didn't matter that, maybe, it hurt him to hear it over and over again, on no, making fun of him was important than caring about his feelings.

"Shut up!" Impulsively, he got to his feet and shoved her with one hand. Zuri tumbed back a couple steps, shock written all over her face that he'd touched her like that. Deep down, he couldn't believe he did it either.

"You shut up!" she charged at him and shoved him back. Ravi was taller than her so he barely moved at all.

"Can't you just leave me alone?"

"You mean like everyone else?" she sneered.

Ravi's jaw was clenched. He didn't want to hurt her, despite how much of a pain she was being (which was an understatement). His hand was firmly into a fist; the raw anger was so overwhelming. He'd never been an overly violent person but in that moment, where his vision was spotty (most likely an icrease in blood pressure) he just wanted to hit something. Until it broke.

"And I'm telling Jessie that you shoved me!"

"You started it," he was aware that he was responding childishly but he didn't care all that much. "You were being rude to me first!"

"You're the one that lied!"

"How did I lie?"

"You wouldn't tell me who you were with earlier."

Good, God.

"I told you, I was with Shelby! We were working on our english project. And why am I explaining myself to you, anyway? It's none of your business who I'm with."

Zuri wasn't used to being told no or being put into her place since she came to live with them. She, essentially, lived the life of royalty and expected the same, grad treatment everywhere. "JESSIE!" she screamed.

Ravi glared at her, crossing his arms.

In mere seconds, a new record, Jessie came sprinting down the stares, breathlessly. "What's wrong? Who's hurt?"

"I am because Ravi shoved me!" Zuri whined.

Oh, she wasn't serious.

Unbelievable.

Jessie came to a halt in between them. He could feel the disapproval in the room. She turned her attention on him, looking kind of shocked. "Ravi, is that true? Did you shove Zuri?" she asked with skepticism.

"You don't understand! I was trying to read and-"

"I don't want a story," she cut in, sternly, "answer the question: did you shove Zuri or not?"

Unbeknownst to Jessie, Zuri smirked at him. His glare hardened.

"Ravi!" Jessie snapped.

"Yes!" for the second time that night, he lost his temper. "Yes, I shoved her but-"

"But nothing," her hands were at her temples and she looked so lost. "I don't know what to do with you kids. I have one that won't come home on time and you're shoving Zuri. What the-? Ravi, that's not like you."

Because you're the goody two shoes

"I think high school has changed him," Zuri supplied most unhelpfully. "And not for the better."

Jessie pursed her lips, eyebrows raised. "Upstairs. Bed. Now." She gave no room for argument, even when Zuri started to protest. "I don't want to hear it. You're taking too long to get up in the morning so I've pushed your bedtime back."

"That's not-"

"Life isn't fair," Jessie said unsympathetically. She pointed a finger in the opposite direction. "Go." In a miraculous turn of events, Zuri did what she was told (not without shoving past Ravi to get there).

"And don't even think about calling Christina because she agreed with me!"

Ravi sat back down, burying his head in his hands. He felt the couch cousin beside him sink down with added weight. Jessie tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off.

She sighed.

"I know you don't want to talk."

For once, she was corrected.

"But I really think we should," Jessie insisted. "Something's up and if you don't feel like talking to me, I can call Christina or Morgan if that's what you want."

Ah, yes. Call his parents so they can throw out some awkward, half-hearted attempt at comforting him when they were most likely too busy to even answer their phones. That was exactly what he wanted.

"Ravi, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," Jessie practually pleaded.

Perhaps that is a sign I don't want your help

"Is it school? Is it too hard?"

It cannot be hard if I am not trying

"Are people bothering you again? Do I need to have a talk with Luke?"

You do not know the half of it and I sincerely doubt talking to Luke would solve anything

It would make it worse

Much worse

"Do you want me to talk to the principal? Or your parents? Look, it sucks, I know but you just have to pretend it doesn't bother you and they'll-"

"No one is bothering me!" Ravi exploded, his nose flaring. "Must you ask so many questions? I just wish to read quietly without being bothered. How can I do that when everyone insists on talking to me? I don't appreciate it."

Jessie was stunned into silence but only momentarily. "And I don't appreciate that tone of yours," she looked slightly unsure, then fell into that authoritative side with more ease. It was usually Luke that was receiving the brunt of it. "Look, Ravi, I want to helo you because I know you haven't been yourself lately but that's no excuse to act like a jerk. Do I have ground you like I did Luke? You'll stay home and-" she trailed off, realizing that he didn't go anywhere, "uh, I'll take away your phone and computer." That seemed to make much more sense in her mind, she nodded to herself.

Ravi lowered his eyes to the floor, having been fully pushed into a foul mood.

She continued, her tone softening, "I don't want to punish you, Ravi. You're a good kid. I just wish I knew what was up there," she gestured toward his head and he, instinctively, leaned back away from her. That did not go unnoticed. "Just take an easy, okay? And go apologize to Zuri."

He was going to protest, because it had been her fault that he shoved her but Jessie held up a hand. "I don't want to hear it. I don't care who started it, I'm ending it. You kids know better than to lay a hand on each other. You're lucky I'm not grounding you for that. Now, go apologize before bed while I try to track down your brother and not kill him."

This is ridiculous

I should not have to be the one to apologize

What about Zuri? Why does she not have to apologize?

"No," it took all of three seconds to grasp that he'd said it aloud.

Jessie's gaze flickered to him, apparently caught off guard that he'd said it, too. She didn't say anything immediately, probably giving him time to retract. When he didn't, she made a few surprised noises. "Excuse me?" she tried to sound firm and failed. "Did you just tell me no?"

"Yes," he felt more confident than he should have, "I did. Why should I be the one made to apologize? Zuri shoved me, too."

"Ravi, you're older. You should know better."

"So should she!"

"Ravi," she sounded dangerously close to snapping, "I'm not arguing with you about this. You're going to march up those stairs and do what you're told. Am I clear?"

He stared at her straight in the eye.

"Am. I. Clear?"

"Are you?" he asked coolly.

He was sick; sick of being run over. That was going to change and it was starting now.

"That's it! I've enough of this. Are you trying to get grounded? Because I should warn you, you're very, very close. I've already told you once, I'm not arguing with you over this. I want you to go upstairs and apologize to Zuri or so help me, I'll drag you up there myself and I assure you, you won't like it if that happens."

The threat was there, looming over them like a thunderous cloud. Ravi should have, should have listened wisely and backed down. But he was already so far gone and he didn't care anymore. The anger was bubbling just under the surface and he couldn't deal with it. It was burning him.

He was burning.

"I don't understand what's gotten into you," Jessie's shoulders slumped and he took in account of how exhausted she was. "You were always the good kid. I thought I'd have it easy with you, but I guess I was wrong." That might have stung at a previous time. "I don't know if you're trying to rebelle to be cool or if this is just a phase but I'm begging you to stop. We don't deserve this and neither do you. You're only going to hurt yourself and I'd hate to see your future ruined by some stupid decision. You're smarter than that, Ravi. I know you are."

You don't know anything about me

Stop trying to act as though you do

"And I was serious about what I said: if you ever want to talk, I'm here. I'll listen. I promise you, I will."

I'd rather talk to Luke...if that gives you any indication

She seemed to hopeful, like she thought her speil was going to magically fix everything and he would break down, begging for forgiveness and things would turn out alright again after a heart-to-heart talk.

"I want to go to bed," he cut in-her face dropped-, "Goodnight, Jesse."

"I'm not done-"

Her voice became distant when he abruptly left (he almost expected her to follow him), going back to his bedroom but not before throwing a dirty look in the direction of Zuri's door. He flopped down on the bed, closing his eyes.

He assumed it would all smooth over soon enough. Luke would (eventually) come back forcing Jessie's attention on him; instead of worrying over Ravi, she would be focused on yelling and threatening Luke with punishments for being so late. He knew she wasn't serious about calling his parents; it was a bluff she had used many times and all of his siblings knew it had no withstanding. Jessie never wanted their parents to think she couldn't handle them (when usually she couldn't) so in order to appear picture-perfect, she handled all of their messes, their mistakes and situations herself.

Besides, she never cared long enough about Ravi to take some action. She'd said something when he wanted to redecorate his room but that one time mention was about it. He hadn't heard anything else since.

That's because no one ares about you

You're too much

They all get tired of you sooner or later

Shelby will too

Face it, you're just a nobody that nobody wants to deal with

You're a mistake, a mistake that should've been taken care of a long time ago

You're all alone and you always will be

His heart clenched. He pushed back the tears that welled in the corner of his eyes. He was not going to cry over something so trivial.

He...he wasn't weak.

But you are

You hate it when you're reminded because you know it's true

Ravi is weaaaaak

Weaaaaak

Stop it! Stop it! He firmly pressed his hands on either side of his head, his breathing increasing.

He wasn't crazy...he wasn't crazy.

Right?

Or was that what crazy people kept repeating to themselves so they were convinced?

His phone buzzed-startling him.

Who could be-oh. It was only Shelby. Fantastic. He'd hoped that she wouldn't text him but alas, like everything else in his life, it never went the way he would have liked it to.

Hey bestie!

Are you busy? I'd hate to bother you if you are. I know I get annoyed (He didn't think it was possible for her to get annoyed) when people bother me so if I ever do it to you, just tell me. Whatcha up to? I'm kinda bored. My brother was helping me with my math homework-did you finish it? It's so hard! Oh and when do you wanna meet up again? I'm done with my paper so all we have to do, I think, is act out our scene. Isn't that exciting? I can't wait to do it. I was talking to Isabella and she told me that if you're nervous, just look ahead at something. Everyone will think you're looking at them but you're not. Isn't that genius? Isabella is so smart. She's trying to graduate early, I think she will. Emily's already been told that if she slacks off again she'll have to do summer school to graduate. She's had to do it since 8th grade. Have you ever been to summer school? I almost did, for math. Luckily my brother knows it and he's able to explain it or Isabella, she has too. You probably haven't, you're pretty smart.

He reread the paragraph twice. Good, Lord. That was unreasonably long. He could, more or less, hear her voice as he read it.

Nothing. I'm doing nothing

He hit send.

Are you bored, too? Ooo we should video chat! That'd be fun, don't you think? I can't talk for much longer, I have to go to bed in 45 mins but until then, we can talk! Isn't that great?

Fabulous.

I'd rather not

He would also rather not do anything but wallow in self-pity but he didn't like waking up to his phone blown up by a large amount of text messages.

That's okay! We can just text. We should go to my house the next time we have to get together! My parents would love to meet you! Or I can go to your house! Unless you wanna go somewhere else. I'm fine with that too. I dunno about you but I love this project! It's fun and so is hanging out with you!

She was really laying it on a bit thick. He was hardly a pleasure to work with; that was her way of trying to seem like all was fine and dandy. He knew better.

If we must, let's go to the park

He'd find a shaded, secluded area. That way, without many people around, she would have less of a chance at embarrassing him (or increasing the risk of getting kicked out. He was still sore about it).

Okay! Sounds god to me

Good** dumb autocorrect. Don't you just hate that? I wanna turn mine off but then I need help spelling lol

He didn't have that problem. Partly due to not receiving many messages, he would carefully read and type to avoid any errors.

I should go. I'm tired

It was under a minute later when she replied-seriously, she must have super speed or something.

Aww really? That sucks. I'm kinda tired but not really. We had ice cream after dinner and I had a lot of chocolate syrup so maybe that's why. I dunno. But I wanna do something and I have nothing to do. Don't you just hate that? It's dumb. I miss my old house. Me and my friends used to go in the woods all the time. It was so pretty. I saw owls out all the time. Have you ever seen an owl? I wanna take a picture of one but they always move! Ooo sometime you should totally come with me back home! You can meet all my friends! Caleb won't feel so lonely-he's the only guy in our group, I think I told you that. I miss them so much. Maybe in the summer or after we graduate, I can go back for a bit. Are you planning on moving once you graduate? I think I will. Maybe not back home but I dunno if I wanna stay in NY forever. That'd be boring, ya know? Maybe I'll go back to the country. I like it better than the city. It's nice here but it's different.

His eyes were starting to burn from the light-his room was pitch black except for the light emitting from his cell phone.

She sent one more message after that.

Goodnight Ravi! I'll see ya tomorrow!

**Finally, some silence.****  
**


	13. Chapter 13

He'd lost it, lost all the self-control he'd been preserving. He stormed up to his room, slamming the door behind him so hard it could've fallen off the hinges. Ravi didn't quite know what came over him; it was a feeling of utter _rage _being doused on him, fueling a fire that had been quietly brewing for some time now after he finally had, after he couldn't take it anymore and it just boiled over. It was lit; and the result was catastrophic.

_He pushed everything off his desk. _

A loud crash, surrounding his ears; somehow, he managed to remain calm, hardly startled.

It all landed in a pile for the most part, he inspected it fleetingly. A lone pencil rolled over beside his bed, stopping short just underneath of it.

As quickly as it came, his fury dissipated. He was left standing there, exhaling out a breath.

He _should _have been embarrassed by his outburst; at least the tiniest bit ashamed. Never once did he recall ever succumbing to his ire. He was able to maintain it, put on a façade to shield everyone else from knowing the truth; from knowing how twisted he felt on the inside.

But that was the thing...he didn't feel any regret at all.

_Because you're not sorry. You don't want to be _

_I...I should be _

_You don't have to be _

_Then what do I do? _

_That's for you to figure out _

The rain was trickling down his window.

It was happening, on-and-off since yesterday; switching back and forth from a heavy downpour that thudded so loudly against the rooftop that it drowned out all other noise to a dainty sprinkle.

To his dismay, he was going to have to walk through it on his way to school. _If _Jessie was sensible enough, she would allow them to take a taxi; it made sense for the circumstance. However, that was not likely to occur.

Jessie was not known for her sensibility.

He rolled up the sleeves on his pull-over up to his elbows, adjusting so they didn't cut off his circulation. His stomach gave a low rumble, pleadingly. He hadn't...exactly kept up on his nutrition throughout the weekend. He'd excelled at avoiding Jessie and sister, sad to say, that was at the expense of his stomach. He made multiple excuses as to why he couldn't (more accurately speaking, _couldn't_) come down at mealtimes.

_What is the point? _That thought crossed his mind more than once. If he died of malnutrition by his own hand, so be it. His body would decompose and rot before anyone in the family was aware of it. It was grossly morbid but foreseeable.

_You can't keep thinking that way. It's like you want to die _

_I won't deny nor will I confirm _

_That's kind of a bad mindset to have _

_I am not the only one to have it _

_Of course not. But it doesn't make it okay. You should get some help...some therapy or something _

_You must think I'm stupid _

_I'm you so in that case, you must think you're stupid_

_Stop this nonsense. You're confusing me _

_You're confusing yourself _

He fumbled the comb through his unruly hair, thinking it through, wondering if it was worth it to give in and eat some breakfast. It wouldn't do him any good to pass out at school.

But...

He was still sore about the other night and his vexation flared up when he saw either of them. It was difficult to let it go, to forget what happened and forgive them. How could he, when it wasn't just a one-time occurrence? Ravi _always _got the short end of the sick; he'd dealt with, and accepted, it for so long that it became his normal.

Jessie had not paused to remember Zuri's track record, how she lied to get out of trouble. It was so _convenient. _She had Jessie wrapped around her finger, whether Jessie knew it (or admitted) or not. She just...took her side, demanding that Ravi apologize when, by all rights, she should have apologized for her behavior, too. How was it fair that Zuri got away with bloody murder while he was supposed to be held up to a higher standard? He was older, yes, but that didn't mean she should be allowed to act however she pleased with no repercussions! It was hardly fair at all but no one seemed to acknowledge that, no one seemed to care when it was affecting him.

_Do you know how whiny you sound right now? _

_I am not whining. I am telling the truth. No one cares _

_I bet Shelby cares. She'd care if you told her _

_I am not telling her anything. It is none of her business _

_You can't keep everything to yourself. One day you're gonna explode and regret it _

_I have already exploded but I do not regret it _

_Cute but that was hardly an explosion. So, you let off some steam. Big deal. I mean it, though, one day you're just gonna let loose and you won't be able to take it back. _

_As if it matters _

_Then maybe it doesn't _

After that night, after his explosion, Ravi felt...done, for a lack of better wording. He wished he was somewhere else, anywhere but _there_ and anywhere Shelby wasn't. She had a knack for popping out of nowhere, disturbing his peace (though, he was skeptical he had any at all). When his father came to get him, to bring him back to his new family, a new sense of hope, he had been so excited.

That was a distant memory, one that he resented.

His eyes came back into focus, after realizing that he'd been staring at his reflection for who knows how long. Blinking irregularly, his hand hovered above the door knob.

He had to stick to it, first and foremost. He _had _to follow through with it, without caving into the pressure of what they wanted him to do. Their expectation was for him to drop to his knees and grovel. But Ravi refused; he refused to be as spineless as his younger self had been. He was taking control back, he was changing and it was for the better.

He was tired of being the punching bag and unable to defend himself without _them _crying foul. He was tired of indirectly being told to take it with no consideration for how he felt, for what was going on with him. He supposed that by now it probably didn't matter anymore. If they were going to start caring, it should have been from the start and not after he had to nudge them into doing so.

The hallway was silent, not a sign of life within sight or hearing distance. It meant they were already down in the kitchen (or, in Luke's case, he might still be sleeping until the last minute when Jessie was hurrying them out the door).

The wind had picked up outside to an almost intolerable degree. He wasn't intimidated by much else, not a thunderstorm or threatening flood waters. But when the wind sounded strangled, a piercing screech to an inhumane octave, the anxiety swirled within him so strongly that he had to refrain from covering his ears.

He sucked in a breath, swallowing.

He remembered being stuck out there, huddled under a tree that was barely taller than him, the wind was _howling_ and debris were flying everywhere, getting caught on houses and the like.

He remembered having to resort to eating out of a trashcan, the amount of sheer _shame _he felt when the owner of said trashcan came out and caught him-

_This is a new time now_

_That may be so, but sometimes memories can never be forgotten _

The bright light from the kitchen peeked out from beneath the door. He pushed it open, seeing that, out of his peripheral vision, his siblings were seated at the table, methodically eating their cereal whilst checking out the latest news on their phone.

(Their obsession with their electronics was another topic that he felt Jessie should have taken charge of better but that was something to be discussed another day).

The cabinet door _creaked _as he took out his cereal of choice, along with a bowl and the jug of milk from the refrigerator. Once he was settled, he sat on a stool, propping his elbows on the countertop. He had no interest in listening to the minimal chatter being said nor did he think they would want him there anyway.

Bertam came out from around the corner, dropping a handful of bags-filled to the brim with food-beside where Ravi was. A few oranges rolled away, almost falling to the floor. As for Bertram, himself, he was panting like a dog on a sweltering day in July and a thin trail of sweat gathered on his forehead.

Ravi wordlessly offered him a napkin to which he accepted.

Luke turned around in his chair. "Whoa, bro. What's up with you? I haven't seen you so breathless since...ever."

Bertam scowled when Emma and Zuri giggled. "You'll have to excuse me. Taking care of you brats is a full time job. I've had to the store four times in the past week."

"Maybe that's because you have a snack like, every hour?" Zuri sassed.

"Yeah," Emma said. "It's no wonder we're starving."

Ravi had to hold back a bitter laugh. _Starving? You wouldn't know the first thing about starving. Some of us have faced true hardship while you equate hardship to your favorite nail polish being discontinued. _

_You can't be mad at her. It's not her fault you went through what you did _

_Perhaps not. But I can be incredulous at her obliviousness _

Bertram seemed to be having the same thought process-sort of. "You kids don't know the first thing about starving," he scoffed.

"Have you tried your cooking?" Zuri asked rhetorically.

She was ignored. "You know, you kids could be grateful for once," Bertram said as if it was a concept they hadn't heard of. "You know, be grateful Morgan and Christina can provide for you like they can. Not every kid has a butler that can get them food whenever they want."

"Their parents must hate them," Emma commented.

Bertram rolled his eyes. When Ravi stood up- just to refill his juice glass- he shoved one of the bags in his arms. "Here, take care of this. You're not doing anything."

_I am trying to eat_. Resignedly, Ravi stood there momentarily then went ahead and started to put stuff away. He preferred not to make a fuss or else-

"Careful, Bertram," Zuri's voice sent him on edge as he anticipated her next move, "or Ravi might try to get you in trouble with Jessie."

"Heh, I heard about that," Luke said. "Didn't he shove you, too?"

"Mhm," Zuri crossed her arms, shaking her head like a disappointed parent.

_Temper...temper..._

"But that's okay. I hear Jessie threatened to ground him."

"I heard her shouting," Emma added. "You guys were interrupting my facetime with Rosie."

_Oh for the love of-who cares? _

"That means you're the reason Jessie was mad at me!" Luke accused, throwing a glare in Ravi's direction. "She threatened to ground me _again_."

_That is your own fault. If you would adhere to the rules then maybe Jessie would be more lenient on you. But, seeing as time-and-time again you deliberately make it a point to do the opposite of what she says, you will have negative outcomes and there is no one to blame it on but yourself. _

"Try not coming home late. See if that helps," Bertram drawled.

But no one responded to him. The figurative darts were raised, aiming for Ravi.

But it certainly didn't help matters that he felt their eyes boring into his back. It was an antagonization, a way to rile him up enough for him to snap then they could turn the tables, acting as though they were the innocent ones and he'd just overreacted.

"What is wrong with you?" Emma was shaking her head. "Stop acting like a jerk."

"And stop upsetting Jessie! I'm tired of being grounded. Mitch is throwing a party this weekend and I wanna go."

"And tell us the truth about Friday. We know you weren't really with a girl."

"As if a girl would _want _to be around him," Luke said nastily. He then did a terrible impression of Ravi's accent. "Hi, I'm Ravi Ross. I have one friend and she's a lizard and once she dies I'll have no one just like always."

The bag slipped from his grip and the contents spilled on the floor. Ravi's brain didn't acknowledge Bertram or any other noise going on. He was focused in on Luke; trying not to loose control again.

He was not a violent person by nature, but at the moment, Ravi wanted to _kill him_. He wanted to wipe off the smug smile, the condescending attitude.

All of it.

In a flash, he was right up next to his brother's face.

"Oh, you're not serious," Luke snickered. "What? You wanna fight me?"

"I'd pay to see that," Zuri said to Emma. "Five bucks says Ravi doesn't make it five minutes."

"Ten bucks says he doesn't make it past two."

Their lack of confidence in him only fueled him further.

"Perhaps I will," Ravi said hotly.

"_Biiiiig _mistake, little bro."

"I am not your bro," Ravi hissed. "As a matter of fact, I am hardly your brother at all."

"Oh, great," Luke sneered, "finally, something we can agree on."

"_Shut up!_"

"I hate you!"

"I wish you were never adopted!'

"Ditto!"

"What is going on?" Jessie made an appearance, looking from his sisters to Bertram.

"Ravi's fighting Luke," Zuri told her.

"Yeah. He got mad at us for nothing."

"Really? And you didn't think to do anything about it, Bertram?"

Said butler simply shrugged. "As long as there's no blood shed, I think we're good."

"No, we're not good," Jessie went over and pulled them apart, holding on to both of them by the back of their collars. "Guys, stop it! You both know better."

As always, Luke had to get the last word in there. "It wasn't me," he said defensively, "he started it!" He pointed a finger at Ravi. "_He _came at me, first!"

"I don't care who started it. I'm ending it. Ravi, apologize to your brother now. I don't know what's gotten into you but I've had it. I'm not gonna tolerate this kind of behavior, is that clear?" Jessie demanded.

His glare was hateful but he otherwise didn't offer up a response.

"_Is that clear_?"

Luke didn't bother to hide his smirk (which added to all of...this).

This was just like Friday night. It didn't matter that they'd instigated it. It never did. And now, with everyone eying him disdainfully as if it was his fault that global warming existed, he just...

He just wanted to get away at this point.

Maybe he would find people to actually appreciate him.

_Fat chance at that _

"Yes," he swallowed back what he truly wanted to say, "yes, it is clear."

Jessie was about to say something else when she tore her eyes away from Ravi and onto the groceries that were currently on the floor. "Who did this?"

"It was Ravi!" His siblings said quickly.

Jessie waved her hands around, spluttering. Ravi groaned internally. He should have put them down on the counter instead of just dropping them.

"Pick them up," she said shrilly (which, he learned, was a sign that she was thoroughly upset). "Pick them up _now _and apologize to Luke."

"What about me?" Zuri piped up. "Ravi hasn't said sorry for shoving me."

"And Zuri," Jessie agreed.

Ravi's chest _burned. _She wasn't serious-

"I am not playing with you, Ravi. If you think you are above the rules, you are mistaken. You're grounded. One week."

_I cannot believe this _

_Well...you did test her patience _

_So does Luke! So does Zuri! She is far easier on both of them than me! This is hardly fair at all. _

"Whoa, guess Ravi isn't such a goody-goody after all," Luke whispered to Zuri.

Ravi lowered his eyes to the floor, keeping his face emotionless.

"I want your phone and your computer," Jessie told him.

"I need them for school," Ravi said quietly. "Shelby and I are still working on our project."

"Fine. Only for school and I'm taking all your books then. No reading for fun and no TV."

He shrugged. Neither of those things brought him much pleasure nowadays anyway.

Jessie was growing flustered by the way he was reacting, or technically, by the way he _wasn't _reacting. He didn't have to work hard at it; not after what he dealt with on a daily basis. But, she was oblivious whether it was intentional or not, so to think that the Ravi she _thought _she knew was acting this way just astounded her.

"Ooooh," Zuri was evidently enjoying the spectacle. "He's gonna get it."

Emma and Luke's gaze was flickering back and forth from Ravi to Jessie. Just like they were watching a fascinating movie in the theater.

"Okay, I don't know what's gotten into you but this ends now, Ravi. Do you understand me? If you need to talk to someone, fine, I don't have a problem with that but you do _not_ get to treat us like this. You know better. Morgan and Christina raised you better than this. What do you think they would say to you, right now?"

_They would be far too busy to care. Like always. Work is apparently more important, as is anyone else that isn't me _

"I don't know."

It was a cop-out. An utter lie. Jessie was wholly aware of it as well, or, she should be. Their parents wouldn't even have addressed the issue unless one of his siblings made a great big fuss over it. Otherwise, they might say, halfheartedly, _don't do that_ or _Why don't you have a talk with your father? _His dad would be strongly encouraged to by their mother, only to fumble with his words horribly then leave and Ravi would be more confused and alone than ever.

"I think you do," Jessie scolded. "They would be very disappointed in you."

"Heh, that's usually what Jessie says to me," Luke mused.

No one acknowledged that.

Jessie rolled her eyes, continuing. "My point is, none of this is okay. I don't understand why you're acting out all of the sudden. You can tell us, we won't judge you," she tossed a quick glance in Luke's direction, correcting herself, "_Most _of us won't judge you."

"Thank you for your concern, but I am fine. I assure you," he didn't feel like eating anymore. He bent down, starting to pick the fallen groceries and put the rest away.

"Ravi, I'm serious. Talk to us. We're your family."

_You are no family of mine_

"Fine," she snapped after she gave him a few seconds to say something and he did not. She took a hold of his arm, yanking him away from what he was doing and in that moment, the world just _stopped. _His blood ran cold, pounding in his ears. Jessie, his siblings, Bertram, were all nonexistent.

_"__What do you think you're doing?" his daddy yanked him by the arm, pulling him up close to his face. _

_Ravi was terrified. _

_He couldn't speak. _

_"__ANSWER ME!" _

"Ravi!" Jessie gave him a little shake. He came back to reality. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes," he said, dazedly.

She didn't noticed.

She pushed him forward a bit, gesturing with her free hand as a silent _well? _

"I'm..." he saw that he was most definitely not getting out of it. "Sorry."

"Ravi," Jessie said unhappily. "Mean it."

_I can't _

"I'm sorry," he fixed it.

"For?" she prompted.

_Nothing because I did nothing _

_Wellllll you did try to fight Luke _

_I was provoked! And anyway, I wouldn't have actually fought him. I'm not stupid _

"For treating you all badly," he finished flatly. "It won't happen again."

"Good," Jessie seemed satisfied. Shelooked at the clock. "Guys, it's getting late. Get your stuff and Luke don't procrastinate. If I hear that you've gotten one more tardy, I'm telling your parents."

Ravi was on the way out when Zuri stepped out in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

"There, now was that so hard?"


	14. Chapter 14

Ravi was in a foul mood.

Had someone actually cared enough to talk to him, to stop him in his tracks, he might have gone off on them. Politeness was forgotten at that point. His self-control was hanging by a thread, a thread that was on its last end, that had been stretched to the breaking point.

It was beyond some mild irritation, beyond some stunt that Luke pulled. He was absolutely livid.

He should have known, really, that in the end, Jessie was going to make him apologize to Zuri; he should have known that at some point, she was going snap from all the crap she was receiving and break. Naturally, her anger and exhaustion was going to be directed at him despite him having little to do with it. It wasn't as if she would think _logically _for once and go to the ( _actual) _source and take care of it. No, she exploded on _him _; a fact that he was still somewhat bitter about.

Scratch that. He was completely bitter and had good reason to be!

_Do you? Do you really? _

_Absolutely! She is being ridiculously unfair and I, for one, am sick of it. I should not have to put up with this _

_That's called life _

_Well I am sick of that as well! Why should I have to carry the burdens of someone else's sins while my own wrong doings are treated as though I have committed a devious crime? _

_Shouldn't you be asking Jessie that? _

_Ugghhhhh _

If he had any sort of hope that she would see things from his point of view, he might have went out on a whim and confronted her before it was time to leave for school. He might have poured his heart out to her for the slim chance of her realizing what she had been doing this whole time and they would share a hug with the fierce promise that she would do better and he would promise he would communicate more often-

But he wasn't an idiot.

It was real life that he was dealing with; not some sappy sitcom where the main issue was over and done within a thirty-minute time slot.

Jessie was still of the mindset that it was Ravi that had instigated the fight and refused to listen to his attempts at explaining the truth.

Why was everyone else given a chance their side of the story, but when it came to Ravi, he was promptly shut out? It was favoritism at its finest.

Ravi slammed the door to his locker harder than need be. He'd walked well ahead of his siblings on their way to school that morning, determined not to stay around long enough for them to antagonize him. His blood was still boiling from the scene in the kitchen and he did not want a repeat of that, especially not out in public where it could be uploaded to the internet for all eyes to witness.

That didn't stop Luke or Zuri from talking about him, though. They hadn't even bothered to lower their voices and as a result, he'd heard them discussing his...episode. His ears strained to catch everything between all of the noisy cars and sirens and people chatting on their cell phones as they made the commute to work.

Faintly, partly due to his subtle halt in his walking, purposefully slowing down so as they were closer (neither of them paid any attention or if they did, they didn't verbalize it), he heard something that Zuri said that only worsened his mood. She had known that Jessie was going to force him to apologize, only not exactly in that circumstance. She had gone to Jessie the night before just after they were all supposed to be tucked in their beds, pretending that Ravi's lack of apology had really gotten to her and even threw in a few fake tears for added effect. She and Luke laughed.

He should have known. He should have known she would seize an opportunity to make him look bad. And for what? What sort of entertainment did she get from doing it? It wasn't fair. Out of all the families he could've been placed with...why did it have to be them?

He could've gotten siblings that cared for him, that he could be close with.

Instead, things were different. Things were far from the life he envisioned for himself.

He was nearly all the way down the hallway, keeping his head down low except to look out for anyone coming his way. He didn't see Shelby rush up behind him and put her hands over his eyes; though he did have a clue, the scent of vanilla reached his nose, she always wore that.

_Now you know what she smells like. Interesting _

_How is that interesting? It is not hard to guess. She always wears it. I'm simply stating a fact _

_Of course you are _

"Guess whoooo?" she giggled into his ear.

Ravi cringed at how close she was; he wiggled out of her arms, turning to face her with increasing aggravation. "Must you do that?" his voice came out sharper than he'd intended for it to be. "You may tolerate your personal space being invaded but I do not and I would appreciate if yiu respected that. Please, keep away from me."

"Oops, sorry," she grinned, her arms dropping to her side. "Sometimes I forget you're not so touchy-touchy. Emily got like that. She got _so _grumpy when I hugged her. Do you like being hugged? I do! It feels so good. Caleb only let me hug him from the side. I'm glad he's not super tall. That would've been weird, ya know? But he's kinda short, for a guy anyway. He's around my height. His brother picks on him for it but he just ignores him." She took a glance at him, from his head to his feet. "We're close, too! I bet if I stood behind you, we'd be head-to-head. Wanna see?" she was going to move but he held his hands out to stop her.

"No," he said flatly, unamused by her absurd stories. "I don't care to."

"Okay," she chirped. "That's fine. Have you decided when we'll work on our project again?"

"Not exactly." He hadn't thought about it at all. He'd been so consumed by his anger toward Jessie and Zuri, everything else was nonexistent. "Perhaps today or tomorrow."

"Okay!" she repeated. "Are we still going to the park?"

"I believe so, yes."

'Which one? Central park or the one by my apartment? I don't care, whichever one you wanna do. I just gotta text my dad and tell him where I'm going. Do you have to tell Jessie or does she let you guys do whatever you want? Emily's parents are super strict and sometimes she go somewhere without telling them just to annoy them. I didn't think that was a good idea but Emily's pretty stubborn. She doesn't like to be told what to do."

_Sounds familiar _

"I think we'll manage just fine going to Central Park," Ravi cut in before she could launch into another spiel. "Besides, it is supposed to be hot this week and I doubt either of us should be walking around out there for long periods of time."

They could take a taxi, he had the money to do so. He wasn't going to suggest that; he wanted to remain as far away from there as he could. Even worse was the image of them being crammed into the car; Shelby would find some excuse to touch him.

He cringed, again.

"It's not gonna be that bad," Shelby countered, stepping aside for one of the popular girls (at least, he assumed she was popular. She'd been seen with Mitch and Luke before) to walk around them. The girl glared at Shelby, muttering something to her friend and they both snickered. It reminded him of his siblings and he-for some reason-wasn't happy with it.

He frowned.

"Oooh and I have an idea!" She clapped her hands together with glee (she must not have paid attention to the girl or chose to ignore it. Either was plausible). "When we're done, we could use the playground! I love the swings and monkey bars, don't you? Wouldn't that just be _so _fun? I haven't been to the park yet, I can't wait to go!"

_Is there anything this girl _**_doesn't _**_regard as fun? _

_Brussel sprouts, maybe? _

_I doubt it. She would probably make a game out of it and it would be _**_so _**_fun! _

_You don't have to mock her _

_I will do as I please _

She paused to smile at him, again. Her dimples were showing and her teeth; it was a type of smile that some could become lost in if they happened to be infatuated with her. But Ravi was smarter than that and he was not impressed.

"I'm really glad we're partners," she put her hands on each of his arms and squeezed gently.

He fought the urge to pull away, to escape the needless touching. Why couldn't she just leave him alone and respect that he wanted his space? Was it so hard to understand? He didn't think it was.

"...Aren't you?" He suddenly tuned in and blinked.

"Excuse me?"

Everything she had said just went over his head. Ravi couldn't have said whether she actually spoke or not. He did that; he zoned out (sometimes it was unintentional, sometimes it wasn't).

"You're happy about being partners, aren't you? I know I am! It's better to be partners with your friend, isn't it? Much better than someone you don't know, then the work doesn't feel like work. You know what I mean?"

_How can I when you stop to breathe? _

_Well, she has a good set of lungs on her _

"Yes," he said warily- to all of her questions. Better stick to that instead of trying to explain that he actually _didn't _want to be her partner, that he had every second of it and was counting down the minutes until the project was done.

She would smile and somehow be alright with it and he couldn't take it. Couldn't take anymore of that ridiculous smile-

"So, are you having a good day?" She asked him as they started to walk again (Ravi had enough of the pointed looks and she had followed...of course).

"It's fine," he replied shortly.

He didn't wish to...she wouldn't get it. He refused to divulge, especially to _her. _

"Do you need a hug?" She asked with a wide smile. "I think you need a hug. You look a little glum."

Ravi moved away (which he couldn't exactly do as much as he would have preferred to- it was a narrow hallway), eyeing her suspiciously as if she would tackle him and knowing Shelby, she would. "Do not touch me."

"You're like my brother!" She exclaimed. "He doesn't like hugs either and neither did Emily. She used to threaten me whenever I did it. Isn't that something? I think she was joking, though. I can't imagine anyone getting mad over a hug, can you?"

_I can because I am not ignorant to anyone else's feelings _

_Now you're just being harsh _

_Anyone that is similar to her deserves it. The world does not revolve around her and her beliefs _

_Stop taking your anger out on her. She isn't Zuri or Jessie _

_You're correct. She is worse _

"No," he put as much as sarcasm as he could into that one word. He hoped she would catch on but it became apparent that she was not the type of person to understand hints.

She nodded. "Right. Emily's kinda grumpy sometimes so she used to threaten everyone, especially Caleb. They're like a married couple. Ooo, I wonder if they like each other. Wouldn't that be _so _cute? I think so. They would be adorable and totally unexpected. I'll have to ask Caleb about it. If I ask Emily, she'll yell at me and she can yell pretty loud. I've heard her."

_If I yell, will you go away? _

"Wait, I need to stop at my locker," she told him, sneaking in through the gap in the traffic. Ravi only came with her because he just knew if he didn't, she would do something embarrassing.

Like shout his name as he was walking away.

He shuddered.

Shelby opened up her locker and he immediately came face-to-face with a picture of her dog that was taped to the side of the door. It was a golden retriever and had not yet gotten out of its puppy stage.

Despite how annoying its owner was, Ravi thought the dog was adorable.

"That's Chewie," Shelby obviously noticed him staring. "He's so cute, isn't he? He's just a few weeks old. I love him so much. I've never had a dog before. My brother and I had to beg our parents for one. My dad's allergic and didn't want a pet but my brother and I convinced him and we got Chewie for Christmas!"

"Why did you name him Chewie?" He couldn't stop himself from asking.

Shelby seemed utterly thrilled that he was taking an interest into her personal life. "Funny story, when we got him, we were eating those chocolate chip chewy cookies and I just knew that would be a perfect name. Isn't it clever? I just changed the spelling."

"Fascinating," he said but didn't mean it.

"I _know _right?"

_Lord help me get through this conversation _

Well, he took a peek at the contents of her locker and could report that-on the plus side- to wasn't as messy as some of the others (Luke's, namely). She kept things in a neat order, excluding a few half empty water bottles. In addition to that, he spied about three science books that he was quite certain didn't pertain to a class. "Those are science books."

_Way to state the obvious _

"Yeah," she said with a slight giggle.

"Why are you reading those?" He knew he was being nosy but screw it. "I did not take you for someone that had an interest in science."

"Of course! Science is fascinating. But I'm not very good," she sighed heavily-more so dramatically. "It's pretty confusing, kinda like math. No, wait, math's worse. What do you think? You said you were decent at math, though."

There was a spot in the corner of her right lens that was driving him crazy. Did not she see it? She'd of had to, it was right within the range of her vision. He would think she would have enough sense to clean it off before class.

He was going to say something...then hesitated.

_Are you scared? _

_NO! I just.. _

_You're scared, of what, I don't know _

_Nothing _

"Shelby," he interjected and he ignored how her face lit up. Usually she did most of the talking. "I suggest you clean your glasses off, there is a spot right there," he pointed toward it without getting close enough to smudge up the lens.

"Oh, I know."

_Then why haven't you cleaned it? _

"I'm waiting till I get to class," she told him, smiling at someone he didn't know by name but she apparently did. "It's kinda messy."

"Do you use the wipes or the spray?" He didn't _why _he seemingly cared but, by giving in and talking to her (even despite her insane chattering), it was slowly ebbing away his anger.

_That's interesting _

_What is? _

_Shelby's making you feel better _

_She isn't. I am. I don't want to be angry in class. I must focus _

_You really won't admit to anything, will you? _

"The spray if I'm at home and wipes if I'm out. I hate the smell, don't you? Well, I guess you haven't had to smell it if no one you know uses it. Does anyone in your family have glasses? My dad does for reading but I'm the only one that wears them all the time. My brother calls me four eyes. I think it's funny. I didn't used to; I thought he was being kinda mean but I don't anymore. I always try to look on the bright side. I think it's very importent. Now I know he's just trying to be funny."

_It wouldn't hurt _**you **_to look on the bright side either _

_Why would I do that when there is no bright side? _

_There is if you believe there is _

_Well, I don't believe there is and I won't waste time in a fantasy land when I can stay grounded in reality _

"I see," he said. "That's, err, nice to hear. I think."

"Oh yes," she said with a slight bounce in her step. "But, you know, you never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Well," she paused to think, "I suppose I didn't _really _ask you. I said you looked glum. What's wrong? Did someone upset you? Are you nervous for class? Is there anything I can do to help? Because I wanna help. I hate it when my friends are upset, it's so sad. Like a dog dying in a movie. Oh, I didn't mean to compare you to a dog-not _like _that. I just mean they're both sad."

He waited until she was quiet (and momentarily relished in the blissful peace). "I am fine."

_No, you're not _

"No, you're not," she wasn't convinced. "I can tell. I can see it in your eyes. They're very expressive, did you know? Something's wrong. You wanna talk about it? I'll listen, I promise I will. I'll be quiet until you're done."

He doubted as much.

And besides, he was aware of a few nosy ears that had perked up after hearing her pled with him. Ravi wasn't stupid enough to say anything to _her _and out in the open, least of all.

"That's quite alright. We should get to class. We don't want to be late."

"We have ten minutes, don't worry!"

_Great _

"You really shouldn't hold it in," she continued. She really must have thought highly of herself, as if she was a certified therapist with Ravi as her patient. "If you do, you'll just _explode _one day." She made a gesture with a noise.

"I mean this with no offense intended." _That's a lie. _"But you you do not know me. There's no guarantee that I shall explode."

_Then what was that lovely scene in the living room? The kitchen? Letting off some steam? _

_I will admit I lost my temper for a second but that is hardly the same thing _

_It would be if Jessie didn't come in _

_No it wouldn't have! _

"Of course, I know you. We're besties. Besties always know each other. Besides, you don't have to know a person well to know that. It's elementary, my dear Watson."

He rolled his eyes.

"And I suppose you're going to be looking into a career as a psychiatrist?"

"Oh, I don't know," she shrugged. "I'd be good at it, I'm sure but I don't think it's for me, ya know? I want something fun, something exciting."

_Well, I'm terribly sorry that actual work doesn't fit your idea of "fun" _

She nudged him playfully. "You keep changing the subject. That just _proves _that there's something wrong."

_She's got you _

"You're mistaken," he reacted defensively.

"I don't think I am. You fit the criteria."

_"What criteria?" _

She grinned and went into the classroom. Ravi stood there, befuddled.

_What criteria? _


	15. Chapter 15

_Jessie, Shelby and I are going to Central Park to work on our project, I will be back in time for dinner _

_Nice of you to ask...fine but your phone is mine as soon as you get home. You can have it for school __**only **_

He could practically feel her bite within the minimal words.

_I understand _

"Oh, my gosh!" Shelby was in awe of the beauty of the park (which Ravi didn't regard as 'beauty' but he supposed it was a matter of opinion). "This is so pretty? Do you come here a lot? I think I would if I lived close enough. I'd come by everyday. Do you have any friends here? Do you have a man that feeds squirrels? Back home, we had a guy who did that. He was so sweet; he's my grandpa's age. I talked to him everyday. He was a soldier in world war two, isn't that cool? He didn't really have any family so he used to come over to our house for Thanksgiving and Christmas and told my brother and I the coolest stories. I'm kinda sad he couldn't come with us. I tried asking mom and dad but Mr. Earnest said he was too old to move. That's okay, though. I asked Caleb and his family if they would let Mr. Earnest come over for the holiday's and they said yes! Emily and Isabella's family said he could come to their house, too. Isn't that neat? I'd hate for him to be all alone, you know?"

_Well, you can't say she's selfish _

_Yes, alright. That is the __**only **__redeeming quality she has. I still think of her as a nuisance _

_A 'nuisance' that cares, evidently _

"You brought him home? Didn't your parents question it?" He knew he was being pessimistic but screw it. He couldn't very well imagine that they were just simply _okay _with it and didn't see any red flags about their daughter bringing home a stranger from the park.

"Not really," she was looking around, ooing and aweing at everything like some small child that was taken to a new store they hadn't been to before. "They didn't mind. They're pretty chill, you know? Mr. Earnest and dad like the same football team and did you know, Mr. Earnest is good at cooking? He and mom made her a special Christmas surprise. It was _so _good!"

_So you could have brought him a serial killer but it would've been okay because he knew football and his way around the kitchen? _

_Wow, what crawled up your skirt? You have something negative to say every time she talks _

_I'm being realistic! She was being irresponsible and needlessly put her family in danger and her parents didn't care! Some people should not have children and they are a prime example _

_I think you're overreacting. She was doing a good deed _

_A 'good deed' that could have gotten them killed _

"I see," he said with displeasure. "That's nice."

She didn't say anymore about 'Mr. Earnest' as she fully focused on finding them a spot. "How about over there?" She pointed to an empty spot that was adjacent to the playground. Ravi didn't fancy hearing the children scream or fight or increase his chances of getting hit with a flying ball that would inevitably come their way.

"I think not," he said firmly.

"How come?" she blinked, her innocent eyes seeming wider. They had that impression when she was confused or in an extremely happy mood-which, ironic enough, wasn't that different from her everyday mood.

"You _really _don't know why?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't have asked, silly," she smiled, poking his cheek and giggled.

An elderly woman and her husband passed by them, in the direction of the exit. He heard the woman remarking to her husband that _they were such a darling couple_.

That was twice now.

Twice someone had mistaken them for a couple.

He was gobsmacked. Did they really appear so? It was absurd, ridiculous, unfathomable and any other word he could think of.

He eyed her, growing uncomfortable by the minute. "Do not do that," he said, his voice unnaturally high.

"Do what?" she tilted her head to the side.

"Touch me!" his voice was now snippish. "I have said time and time again that I do not wish to be touched."

"Okay, okay," she put her hands up in mock surrender (although she did nothing to wipe the smile from her face. It was strange for a human to be happy like Shelby was and that was an underestimate). "I'm sorry. You know I don't mean any harm. I just love you-as a _friend_," she clarified, grinning at his incredulous expression.

He sighed in relief.

_Thank heavens on that _

_What? You don't want Shelby to love you? _

_Absolutely not. Romance would only complicate matters. I do not need that. Besides, I hardly would believe she would be genuine. No girl has ever confessed to liking me and unfortunately it will stay that way _

_You really are a pessimist. Lighten up. Don't be so serious. Shelby could be the change that you need _

"A friend," he repeated faintly. "Right."

Shelby took off her glasses, rubbing at her eyes with her other hand. "You're the bestest friend ever, you know that?" He stared. She continued. "I just feel like you need to hear that."

"_Okay_."

"Does that make you happy? I like making my friends happy. I like seeing them smile. I wish you would smile more, your smile is so pretty; just like your eyes. Has anyone told you that?"

No one had. She was officially the first. But they were nothing special.

_You mean...like green? _

_I suppose...but that makes sense. Brown is a common eye color. It is nothing to compliment _

_She seems to differ _

Shelby was waiting for him to answer. Ravi hadn't realized she was being _serious_. "No," he eventually said. "I'm afraid not."

She came a bit closer (after she'd _just _backed away upon his insistence), giving him the same admiring look she'd given when they arrived at the park. "Well, they should."

"Excuse me?"

"They should compliment you," she told him, almost musingly. "Compliments are nice. They make you feel good. You deserve to feel good."

Ravi got a _very _creepy feeling. Did-did she know? It was like she could see through him and saw his deepest thoughts. Her smile was gentle, kind of knowing in a wise way (which was the _last _way he'd ever think of Shelby).

"I-thank you?" he was confused. "I suppose..."

_What was that? _

They found a spot under a nice shady tree. It was secluded, away from the chaos although they could still see everyone and everything that was going on. A few people were coming down the sidewalk, walking their dogs with their earphones in their ears, bopping a bit to whatever noise was going off in their head.

The playground was filled with rambunctious children (including one that seemed adamant on going first on the slide _every _time). A few feet away, there was a couple throwing a frisbee back and forth, giggling at each other's lack of ability to catch.

Ravi glanced at them and everyone else in the surrounding area. It was an occasional habit to people watch. His curiosity got the best of him.

All the while, he tried to keep himself cool by placing a water bottle on his forehead; it had previously been frozen but in mere minutes was reduced to a dripping mess. Although it did feel good so he couldn't complain much.

_You'd find a way to. You always complain _

_Not all the time. That's an exaggeration _

_Hardly _

Shelby was beside him, sitting Indian style and keeping a distance as instructed. All their papers were laying about on the ground, but she was no longer looking at them like she had been just seconds before. She was picking at the blades of grass that were swaying; there must have been a tiny breeze somewhere, of which Ravi couldn't feel at all.

His eyes were closed. He was beginning to feel tired; he blamed it on the heat, sucking out his energy. At the moment, he didn't feel very much like working on the project. He'd rather be in his bed, resting.

"Are you okay?" Shelby was leaning over, peering over her glasses. "Are you getting too hot? Should we go inside somewhere? Oooh! You saaid you lived close, didn't you? We could go to your house? That'd be fun!"

"No," he said with a touch of sleepiness. "I'm fine. I'm just tired. It's been a long day."

That, he learned, was a mistake to say.

"Why's that? Did anyone bother you? That one guy must hate you and I'm not sure why-you know the one that shoved you? Do you know him? Does he have a good family? If he's being mean, he might not. My dad always says 'hurt people hurt people' and I agree. If someone hurt him he's obviously taking it out on you. Isn't that sad? Oooh! Maybe you should bake him cookies or muffins! Tell him you wanna be friends!"

_And she really believes that is a viable solution... _

He simply did not have words for how _stupid_ that idea was.

"I did that once," she said.

"And let me guess, you two are best friends now?" he said sarcastically.

"Nope," she shook her head. "She dumped my cookies in the trash and told me to get lost."

"...And you somehow think it will work for me?"

"Maybe," she said optimistically. "There's no harm in trying!"

_Oh, there is definitely harm _

She nudged him. "_Sooo_?"

"So what?"

"Aren't you gonna do it?"

"_No_."

"Aww."

"I do not feel like getting beat up," he muttered.

"I'm sure they wouldn't do that." She had too much faith in them, naive faith.

"You clearly do not know the jocks of this school."

"You never know," she softly scolded him (if it could even be considered a scold). "What if they're just misunderstood?"

_Yes, what if Mitch is just understood? _

_Misunderstood? He's abhorrent, the very definition of evil _

_Now __**you're **__exaggerating _

_I am not! Normal people do not spend their time terrorizing others _

"You _must _be joking," he was speechless. "Please tell me you are joking?"

"No," she seemed momentarily confused. "Why would I be? My dad says-"

"Hurt people hurt people," he finished. "Yes, I heard you the first time. But what does that have to do with them being 'misunderstood'?"

"If everyone expects them to do bad then they will do it. I don't know much about that guy but I don't think he's a bad person. Maybe he's dealing with something at home."

_You have no room to speak. You haven't been around him until this year _

"I think that's an excuse," he said harshly. "I can tell you _right now _that a bad home life isn't an excuse to bully others."

The breeze picked up, strangely enough. The papers were starting to stir; Shelby carefully placed a pebble at the top of each one to prevent it from flying off. She didn't answer until she was done.

"No, it isn't," she said in an agreeable tone. "But-" Ravi didn't _want _to hear a but, to hear a justification that shouldn't have been said in the first place. He was through with it; Jessie lamely justified Luke's atrocious behavior constantly, he did not want to hear it from Shelby, too since she hadn't been around to witness most of it. "It would make sense. Maybe he's taking it out on you because you're smaller."

_As if we weren't already aware _

He glared at her, suppressing how he'd really like to throttle her and scream that _she didn't understand _and wouldn't ever understand. She just didn't _get _it; she didn't live his life, the past or the present, so she was virtually clueless. "That is not an excuse," he repeated tersely.

He flipped through his notebook forcefully, nearly tearing one page off. He'd ceased to be rational at this point, allowing the tiniest sauce of irritation to overwhelm him. He wanted to go _home_ and sit in his air conditioned bedroom instead of sitting under a blasted tree in the sweltering heat with a nimrod that missed the memo about basic human decency.

It didn't escape him that he was under Shelby's watchful gaze. She was studying him, waiting to see what he would do next; waiting to see if he'd still be as angry. Neither of them spoke in the meantime.

Meanwhile, the rest of the world carried on. A few heads had turned in their direction as a result of hearing Ravi's incensed voice but after seeing that there wasn't going to be a huge scene worth watching (or filming), they went on with whatever they had been already doing.

Shelby opened up the _Romeo and Juliet _book to the particular scene in which they were going to reenact, in a deliberately opposing way that he'd been with his notebook.

She was mocking him.

Taunting him.

_You're so paranoid _

"I understand, you know," the words were said in a softer voice, almost reminicingly.

_Here we go. _"What do you mean you understand?" he was suspicious at where she was going with this.

"I've been bullied, too," she shrugged. "It sucks but I know what it feels like."

"Then you should not be making excuses and telling me that they're simply misunderstood," he argued. "They're aware of their actions and will never be held accountable if you keep justifying them."

"I'm not justifying them," she said calmly (it seemed rather odd to hear it, without the bursting excitement he had begrudgingly grown used to).

"Then what _are _you doing?" he asked exasperatedly.

"Looking for the good." He stared, perplexed. "Have you ever read Anne Frank's diary? She says in spite of everything, she still believes that people are good at heart."

"But that is not true," he interjected. "There are many people-_criminals_-that are truly evil and heartless. It's naive to think otherwise."

"Of course there is. But that doesn't mean we should stop believing in people," she smiled again but it was different from the rest; like she was truly at peace.

It was a nice sentiment but hardly one that was realistic.

_Because not everyone deserves to have someone believe in them _

_I don't _

"I don't," the whisper was said without thinking, without remembering that Shelby was seated right beside him. She tilted her head to the side, a look of puzzlement.

"You don't, what?" she waited exactly three seconds and then she spoke again. "Ravi?"

He snapped out of it, a crimson blush sweeping over his features. "Nothing," he muttered, feigning interest in the heat-stained grass, shifting his position and tucking his legs underneath of him. "It is nothing. Please, let us just get started."

But Shelby wasn't taking his non-committal answer; she was smart enough to notice that his odd behavior wasn't just a result of _nothing. _"What's wrong? Are you dehydrated? I have some water in my backpack. It's not cold anymore but it'll do, right? Or are you upset about something? Did _I _upset you? Was it something I said? Because I didn't mean to if I did. You know that, right? I hope you don't think I'm being too nosy; I just wanna make sure you're okay. Okay?"

Her chirpy voice was only adding to the tension headache that was forming. Was she so oblivious that she didn't know that by continuously talking, continuously being so obnoxious that she was contributing to his worsening mood and not actually _helping _him like she apparently wanted to?

_Don't explode, don't explode... _

_I can't believe you're getting so worked up over nothing_

_It is not nothing! She's driving me crazy! I cannot take it anymore _

_Didn't you already say that? _

_Most likely, but it's the truth! If she really wants to help me, she can start by being quiet! _

"I am fine," he said firmly. "Please, let us get started. I would like to get something done before I must be on my way." _Which cannot come soon enough. _

He picked up the _Romeo and Juliet _book, intending on reading over the friar scene once again, only for Shelby to pluck it from his hands and set it over on her side. "_Excuse me-" _

"You're excused," she giggled. "Sorry, I used to say that to Emily a lot. Funny thing is, she always got annoyed."

"_No." _

"Yeah," she said, not picking up on his sarcasm and deliberate flat tone. "She's usually in a bad mood, though. I dunno why. She told us it's not her fault because everyone makes her mad." _I can relate to that. _"Isabella usually told her she needed to take some responsibility. _That's _when they'd usually start arguing."

"What is your point?" he said rudely. He was fed up of listening. "Because I don't see one. We have a project to finish and you're just telling stories and wasting my time."

"It's not wasting your time," she disagreed. "It's helping you."

He scoffed.

"I fail to see how."

"If I talk about something else, you'll forget what's making you upset," she grinned, tapping on her temple. "See, I'm smart. I learned that from Caleb. He does that with his brother and sister."

_Well that's good for him _

_You're cranky _

"That's all very nice," but he didn't mean it. "But I don't want to hear any stories. I _want _to finish this project." He let out a puff of air, frustrated.

"If you're sure," she shrugged as she handed him the book back. "But I don't think you do."

He crossed his arms. "What are you getting at?"

"You don't _really _wanna work on it; you just want me to stop talking about you being upset. You probably just wanna forget or try to, anyway."

"You're wrong," he was taken aback by her perception. He shook it off. _Lucky guess. She doesn't know what she's talking about. _"You're wrong," he repeated for good measure.

"_Am _I?"

"Yes!" he was getting a little unnerved.

"Okay," she accepted it. She flipped open her own book. "What act is it?"

Baffled, Ravi didn't know how to react. _She's messing with me! This is a game to her, isn't it? It must be. _

_I think you're overthinking it_

She thought she was innocent, thought that he wasn't going to see right through her facade, through the game she _thought _she was expertly playing.

"Ravi?" She waved a hand in front of his face. "What act is it?"

"Act five, scene two," he was inwardly counting backwards, trying to keep himself calm.

"Thanks!" She came to the appropriate page, scanning over it. "This isn't too bad. Did we ever say who would be who? I don't think we did. I'll be Friar Laurence. You can be Friar John. Is that okay? Or did you want to be Laurence? I don't mind, really. I'm fine with either!"

"That is fine," he sighed. "I'll be Friar John."

"Great!"

_Great _

They went over their lines-once while looking at the book and the second attempt was without looking at anything. They both failed at remembering; Ravi was mildly annoyed. His memory used to be impeccable, now he was struggling to memorize a single sentence. Shelby, at least, was doing a _little _better than he was. She wasn't able to say all of her lines without the book for reference, but she could do the first part. It was ridiculous, that's what it was. How was it that someone like _her, _someone he could (accurately) categorize as below him academically _and _intellectually, was having an easier time memorizing?

_You're getting wayyyy too angry about this _

_No. My anger is justified _

_How? Please enlighten me _

"How's it going for you? Do you think you'll be able to remember them? I think I will-maybe. I dunno. Depends, I guess. So long as I'm not nervous or anythin, I should be okay. But I don't really get nervous anyway. I wonder if we'll get an A for this? I dunno, I mean it's kinda short but Miss Zenon didn't say it had to be long so maybe we'll be okay. What do you think? Do you think we'll get an A?"

"I don't know," he wasn't in the mood for meaningless chatter. "Maybe."

"Yeah, it might be too early to know," she stretched her arms out. "Oooh! Do you wanna meet my friends? They still wanna meet you! They should be out of school by now so I can video chat with them if you want?"

"Oh, no, that's quite alright," he backed away.

"Are you nervous? It's okay, silly, they won't bite you," she giggled at her own joke. "Caleb's just happy there's another guy he can talk to. Besides they practically know everything about you."

"Errm, _how_?" He was afraid to ask.

"I talk about you," she said simply.

Ravi just blinked.

"You're my best friend," she told him. "Of course I'm gonna talk about you! Actually," she laughed _again. _"Emily told me she's tired of hearing about you. Isn't that funny?"

"Hilarious."

"Isabella told me she would love to meet you sometime. Don't worry, she won't yell at you-" He made a confused face. "Emily's probably gonna yell at you. She likes to scare people but don't be scared, she's harmless. She did that to Caleb when we all first met. We've been best friends since elementary school. Isn't that sweet? I'm kinda bummed I won't be graduating with them but that's okay. Oooh! Maybe if graduation is on different days for us, I can watch their graduation online! Oooh! Even better idea," her grin was wider now, "maybe we can watch it together!"

_No, no, NO _

"We still have plenty of time until that happens," he said carefully.

"Who knows if we will even see each other by then."

She slung an arm around his shoulders-he made a rather undignified noise. "Silly, of course we will! We're besties." Her face was pressed against his; he could smell her coconut scented shampoo. She gave him a squeeze.

_Right...'besties' _

He was practically frozen, cringing at her closeness, at the way their skin was touching. _Get off, get off, GET OFF! _

After an eternity, a few seconds of tortuous agony, Shelby pulled away but not before she put her hand on his cheek. "You're warm," she noted. "Do you want some water now? I have some-"

"In your backpack," he finished.

She beamed.

He groaned.

"No," he lied. "I am fine."

He wasn't. He was incredibly thirsty and overwhelmingly hot. He licked his dry lips.

Shelby wordlessly put a bottled water down in front of him, scooting it with her hand. "You sure?"

It was the second time she had, dare he say it, come to his aid. He accepted the water begrudgingly. "Thank you," he said even though it was against his better judgement. "I, erm, I appreciate it."

"You're welcome!"

He downed the contents in less than three minutes. It was probably not recommended, probably risking that he would go into shock; but it was _so _refreshing.

He put back on the ground, licking his lips again. "Do you carry all those waters for yourself?"

_No she hands them out. DUH _

"No," she said. "Not really. One's for me, and the rest is for anyone that needs it. I saw a dog once while going home. I think it was a stray Poor thing was really hot so I gave him some water. I also have a small dog bowl in here, just in case I see a stray. New York has a lot more strays than back home does. It's sad. I hate seeing strays. They're really cute but I wish all animals had a home, you know?"

_I guess we can start calling her St. Shelby _

"You have a dog bowl in your backpack?" Ravi asked slowly.

_I didn't see it when we were at the library_

_Funny how you remember that but you can't remember your lines? _

_That is completely different! _

_Is it? Because I think you care about Shelby enough to remember that little detail _

"Yep," she said brightly. "I got it after our study date at the library."

_Ahhh _

"It- it wasn't a date," he said hastily, glancing around as if someone from their school was spying on them and would announce it to the world by a bullhorn. "It was a get together to work on our project."

"Tomayto, tomahto," Shelby waved a hand.

"Ahh, no," Ravi said pointedly. "It is not like that. It is completely different."

"It doesn't have to be."

"But it is," Ravi told her. "It was nowhere near a date."

"But you want it to be," she said with a mischievous smile.

_Nooooo _

"_No_," he denied vehemently. "Because, should the situation arise, I would have to have feelings for you and I do not."

"Are you suuuure you don't?" She said in a teasing voice.

_This isn't funny! _

_Oh, sure it is. You're too uptight _

"Yes," he glared.

She giggled. "Okay. Gosh, relax. I'm just kidding." She _lightly _(which was not light at all) punched his shoulder.

He flinched.

_Is it time to go home yet? _

"I am relaxed," he said in a stiff tone that was quite the opposite.

She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Sure you are."

"_I am_."

"You always seem tense. Are you tense at home, too or just at school? You shouldn't, it's probably not good for you. Maybe if you smiled more you'd be more relaxed. Don't you think?"

_I __**think**_ _my headache is worsening _

"Maybe," he said tiredly, rubbing a hand over his face and wiping away the sweat that accumulated on his forehead. The heat was draining him, draining the little energy he had and leaving him weary. He stifled a yawn.

"Are you tired? Do you sleep a lot at night? I kinda have trouble sleeping. I'm not used to all the noise. Back home, it was pretty quiet except for the semi's that came through. It's not terrible but I guess I'm a light sleeper so it's hard to stay asleep for the whole night. It kinda sucks but that's okay, I like to sit on my window ledge and watch everyone. The lights are pretty, don't you think so? I do. But I miss the clear sky. You could camp out and see all the stars. It was so peaceful. I'll have to show you a picture of it, someday."

Ravi thought that it was _one _thing he could agree with her on; a clear night's sky was beautiful and much more aesthetically appealing than a sky on a typical night in New York. He wasn't going to tell her that, though. He wasn't that stupid.

_That's a matter of opinion _

"Have you always lived here?" Shelby was watching a father playfully chase after his toddler, swooping him up in his arms and kissing his forehead.

Ravi's stomach churned and he felt that familiar nauseating feeling return.

"W-what?" He suddenly realized she had said something.

She didn't mind. "I asked you if you've always lived here? Or did you move from somewhere? Oooh, are your parents in the military? Mine aren't but I went to school with a guy whose parents were. He'd lived in five states. Isn't that neat?"

"I-" He didn't want to get into it, for her to know _that _bit of information regarding his life. It wasn't some deep secret that needed to be kept but still, why did _she _want to know? He was doubtful that she was genuinely interested. Why would she be?

And speaking of his parents, he wasn't sure if he believed that she hadn't heard of them.

_Are we bragging? _

_No. I just find it strange _

His father, at least. His mother, he could understand. Shelby didn't appear to be the kind of person that concerned herself with any of the same superficial things that Emma did but she had to have heard of his father's work.

"No," he was careful with his wording. "I'm not."

"Oooh!" She exclaimed. "Where are you from? Wait-" she put up her hand and her face contorted with intense concentration, "don't tell me. Let me guess."

_Save me, please... save me from this madness _

"California?"

"No," he said immediately.

"Wyoming?"

"No."

"Maine?"

"No."

_Does my accent mean nothing? _

"Minnesota?"

"No."

"England?"

He raised his eyebrows.

She shrugged. "I'm guessing."

"Well, your guess is wrong."

She sighed dramatically. "Well, I'm out of guesses." _You named five places. _"Can you tell me? _Pleaseeee_?"

"Okay," he said just to get her to stop talking. "I'm from India."

Her mouth formed an O. "That's neat! I've never been there- I've never been out of the country before. Is it pretty there? Do you miss it? Do you wanna go back there someday?"

_His daddy wrapped his large hands around Ravi's neck and began to shake. _

"No," he said shakily. "No, I don't think I will."


	16. Chapter 16

**So next chapter is one last study session before their project is due. Should Ravi go over Shelby's house or Shelby at Ravi's? **

* * *

The elevator is quite hot and stuffy, perhaps more than usual. There was also an unpleasant odor lingering, that was eerily similar to Luke's gym bag (or aged socks that had been left out in the rain and brought back in to dry).

(He did his best to disregard the poignant smell, rather, and kept his eyes above, where the numbers would briefly light up as the machine passed from floor to floor).

His hands gripped the rails and his head leaned against the wall; his eyes were shut to ease his nerves until he made it up to the penthouse. Until he could effectively cool himself down.

They must have stayed out there a little too long, especially for being improperly prepared (in Ravi's case). Drinking the water had helped-for a moment. It soothed the effects of the heat but seconds after that, after he had completely finished the bottle, he was back at square one. Much to Shelby's disappointment (he kept calling it that but he was sure that was incorrect. She looked a bit bummed but bounced right back), he cut their study time a tad short and came up with a half-brained excuse that would get him out of there quickly.

(Had this been before his change, if the word was appropriate, he would have been horrified. Luke was the type to try and get out of work. Not him. He would have wanted to continue until they were done-or, it was near his curfew).

But he just had to get away, to escape from her constant chatter that went straight through his ears. He'd just had it! He really didn't know how he had been able to withstand Shelby's presence and her nonsensical, non stop talking. She grated on his nerves faster than anything Luke had ever done, faster than anything Zuri had ever said to him. How was he supposed to tell her that he absolutely hated her and wanted her to shut up before he had an aneurysm?

He had to hand it to himself; not once did he explode. He kept a grip on his emotions, somehow. Which had been better than earlier that morning.

And it didn't even matter that they had to go in different directions. It didn't deter her from finishing her story, about whoever from where she'd previously lived. As they were leaving and Ravi turned his back to her, he tried to pretend that he didn't know her-considering how she'd upped her volume so as to be heard (she had no trouble with that). She was oblivious to the glares people gave her, one of whom was an expensively dressed woman holding a cellphone to her ear.

She paid no mind, of course. She was within her own little world. Just before Ravi became out of sight, she'd hurriedly yelled a goodbye at him and didn't wait for one back as she passed on by a police officer (He thought he heard her speak to him as well. He couldn't quite catch all of what the office said but he didn't seem annoyed by her presence).

Maybe because not everyone is bitter like you

He blinked hard. He readjusted his shirt, which was sticking to his skin, that had a thin layer of sweat to it. His head was aching and he didn't want to do anything but plop down on his bed and rest.

What about dinner? Jessie's not going to let you skip-again

Most likely not. She was at her wit's end with him.

Yet she's not like with Luke

He was bitter. Resentful. Any other synonym that he could think of.

How is it that Luke is able to act as he pleases yet I step a toe out of line once and it's a problem?

You're not her favorite

Why do you think she insults you so much?

She hates you like the others do

Maybe if you changed, she'd like you better

He'd like to object but what was the point?

Just a few more seconds

Was the ride taking longer than usual or was it him? He couldn't tell.

He'd been lucky to come through the lobby when he did; it was hardly busy except for the older lady that was at the front desk, involved in a semi-serious talk with Tony. He caught wind of some of it; a few rowdy boys had gone running up and down the hallway, screaming during their game of cowboys and indians.

Ravi was thankful for the distraction so he didn't have to hear Tony ask him about his day.

Because Heaven forbid someone be nice to you

But it also meant, with it being the part of the day where people were still working or coming home from school, that he could get into the elevator and be there by himself without having to share it and avoid making any awkward eye contact with anyone else.

You're just ridiculously anti-social, aren't you?

Not quite. I just enjoy solitude, that is all

For like 99.9999999% of the time

I cannot help it if people annoy me

I mean, you could but you don't wanna try

How do you even know? I've...I've tried

Hardly

That isn't true

Is so

This is a ludicrous argument

Then why are you arguing if it's so 'ludicrous'?

The doors opened in unison and he stepped through, relishing in the chilly air-conditioned atmosphere. He almost felt a bit faint from going from one extreme to the other, from the agonizing heat to a polar plunge.

He dropped his backpack off by the couch. He'd been berated for it later on, when Jessie would come by and notice it. He would be told that the living room wasn't his room and that he needed to pick it up now.

He learned the speech by heart.

By hearing it from when she would lecture Luke and most recently, toward himself.

Quite frankly, he didn't care.

Than again, he didn't care about a lot of things.

He went through the door that led to the kitchen, reluctantly-he thought about making his way upstairs before Jessie heard him and forced him to eat. He wasn't hungry. Not after being outside. Not after having Shelby ask him those questions. Although, he knew better than to try.

What if you get fat?

I'm at a perfectly healthy weight for my age

For right now. Until it catches up with you

That won't happen

So you believe

Opening the door-it was like a scene out of a movie. It was relatively quiet, oddly so for that time of day and as soon as it opened up, the noise level skyrocketed.

"Ravi, finally," Jessie was already at her seat and midway of passing Luke the bowl of mashed potatoes. "I thought I was going to have to call you."

He stayed near the door, warily eyeing the table. None of his siblings had turned a head in his direction. Not that expected much anyway.

"I am sorry," he wasn't. "It won't happen again."

It might.

"You could have at least called me and told me you were going to be late," she continued to scold him.

Late

"I am not late," he didn't understand. He'd ended his study session with Shelby early.

Didn't he?

"Great, this one can't tell time either," Bertram drawled.

Jessie briefly glanced back at the butler. Then she was back to him. "Ravi, you're twenty minutes late. Didn't you check your phone?"

"Yes," he pulled it out of his pocket. It was just bordering on five. He showed it to her, gesturing with a silent see?

"Ravi," she furrowed her eyebrows. "That's wrong. It's nearly five-thirty. I think you need to reset your phone."

"What?" he didn't mean to raise his voice like that and he didn't even seem apologetic as she glared pointedly at him for it either. "That's impossible."

But Jessie wasn't as concerned and she motioned for him to sit down. "Sit down and we'll figure it out later. The food's getting cold."

He sat in the one vacant seat, at the other end of the table. Emma was on his right and to his left was Jessie. Instead of filling up his plate, he was still trying to figure out how the time had changed. "I don't understand," he muttered, mostly to himself. "I didn't change it so what happened?"

"Maybe it got bumped while in your backpack?" Jessie suggested with indifference. She was trying to pass Ravi some food, all while he didn't care and the frustration was starting to show. "Ravi, sweetie," there was a calmness that wasn't really calm at all. She was doing her best not to sound angry. "I get it that you're confused but it's not a big deal, okay? Now, Bertram cooked this nice dinner-" He stared at her flatly. "Okay, I bought it," she admitted to which there was some 'ah's' and 'that's makes more sense' from Zuri. "But my point is," and she was back to Ravi, "it's time to eat and I already said we'll deal with it later. Get some potatoes and pass them or I'll ground you for another week. Is that understood?"

Ravi had a fistfull of his jeans, inwardly counting to ten. He wasn't going to acknowledge the subtle (but not really subtle) giggling that was coming from Zuri or the smirk from Luke. He wasn't. He was going to be mature and not sink to their level. He was going to get through this time until he could finally be free and live on his own.

"Is that understood?"

"Yes!" he snapped. He didn't mean to. It was entirely accidental but her tone...the utter patronizing that he'd heard from everyone else. He just lost it.

Again

"Excuse me?" she snapped back with danger swarming within her eyes. "What did you just say to me?"

"Oh, this is getting good," Luke said to Zuri, amused.

"Nothing," he wanted to take it back so they could eat in peace. So he didn't have to talk anymore. "It was nothing."

"Oh, really?" she crossed her arms. "I don't know what's going on with you, Ravi, but I don't like it."

"I don't know what's going on with you."

Which means she's upset that I refuse to be used as a punching bag any longer

Or maybe she doesn't want you acting like a jerk

"Yes, Jessie. I am quite aware. You said the same thing this morning," he crossed his arms as well, his gaze hardening.

"And I'll keep saying until it sinks in!" Her face softened a bit; she sighed and her shoulders sagged down. She was looking at him with a plea on her face. He averted his eyes. "Ravi," she sounded tired,"this isn't you. I know you. You're better than this."

Which means I was better how I was before. A punching bag

And for the record, you don't know me at all!

Despite being around for you for seven years?

That hardly means a thing! She did not know me beforehand. She doesn't know my past and she thinks she knows my future

She's trying to look out for you

Well, I don't need her to!

He didn't need Jessie to look out for him and to help him. He didn't need her. He didn't need his parents. He didn't need anyone.

What about Shelby?

I would kill myself before I ever needed her

That might have been nice. If he-if he died then there would be no one to bother him. To 'playfully' mess with him. To expect perfect behavior. To be the certain kind of person he was expected to be. To be the nerd at school.

To be Ravi Ross; the loser that the Ross's adopted out of pity.

And no one would miss you, that thought was the loudest. It was the one that kept coming back to him, as a reminder, as a gentle coax.

What would it be like if I died? Ravi had wondered about the after effects. Would things be different? Would they just carry on as they usually did? Would anyone come to his funeral?

No

It was a whisper in his ear, one that had the weight of the realization come crashing down on him.

For a moment, the air escaped him and he felt like his throat was being strangled. That's not true, that's not true, that's true, he kept chanting, kept trying to get the thought out of his brain. It was absurd, it had to be.

It wasn't like he had any friends, anyone to count on so besides some obligatory family members, who would ever come to his funeral?

Shelby. Shelby would

STOP MENTIONING SHELBY

He blinked away a few tears that prickled. He didn't want anyone to see it but, to his ever evident luck, it didn't go unnoticed. All by the very person he would rather be away from.

"Ravi, are you crying?" Luke sounded gleeful.

"No way," Zuri was laughing obnoxiously. "What a dork."

"Kids," Jessie was exasperated by their behavior (but that was the extent of that. She wasn't going to do much more than her pathetic little "Kids," and her look she often gave them). "Ravi, sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you. I just want you to listen."

Emma lifted her eyes from her phone (that she most definitely snuck in and was using it while Jessie was concentrating on him), remarking, "I can't believe my brother's acting like a cry baby. I've got to tell Rosie." She started to type away.

"No!" Ravi abruptly stood up, feeling a burst of anger once again flowing through him. "Don't you dare!"

"Ravi!" Jessie stood up, too and she put a hand on his shoulder to push him down. She looked over at Emma, agitated. "Emma, I've told you a million times: no phone at dinner. Or breakfast. Or lunch. You can survive without it for a little while. Now everyone, just sit down and eat your dinner. I've had it. And Ravi, you didn't give me your phone when you came in."

He practically threw it at her.

She gave him a warning look.

Emma harrumphed, noisily setting her phone face down on the table. "Thanks a lot, Ravi." It was a murmur, something that wasn't meant for his ears-or maybe it was. Maybe it was intended for him to hear. Nevertheless, it was another bullet that pierced his heart. Another reminder of how unwelcomed he was in that house.

He plopped back down, exhausted. Jessie didn't scold him for the way the chair screeched a little as it was pushed back minutely by his weight.

He just wanted this to be over with. He wanted to go to bed.

He wanted to go and never wake up again.

The minutes gave way to hours.

He was alone in his room; the light was off, leaving him enveloped in the darkness except for the light coming in through the open window. He was sure he'd left it closed with the curtain down when he left for school. He assumed it was Jessie's doing, sure that she must have opened it to let some sunshine in .

He didn't have enough energy to go over and shut it.

Nor did he take a moment to admire the sunset, to the way the sun had dipped below the horizon and illuminated the sky with orange and pink hues. Those same hues had shoned into his room, burning his eyes.

He'd lost count of how long he'd sat at his desk, intending to do something with his homework, a chemistry report that he'd heavily procrastinated on and was due the following morning. That brilliant mind of his that he'd prided himself over, was useless. He couldn't come up with anythin to fill out other than his name in the header of the word document.

You're going to get a zero

What was one more? He'd gotten two already. One for not doing one assignment at all and another for not wearing the eyeglasses that were needed to do the lab his class was doing.

You're on a roll, aren't you?

I suppose

You're going to ruin your chances at a career

I don't care

It wasn't helping that for the past forty-five minutes, there had been some heavily unnecessary noise that came floating up the stairs, right into his bedroom (Jessie had forbidden him from closing his door until he was ungrounded and should he disobey, she would take it right off).

A sudden spurt of laughter made him flinch. He pushed his notes he'd been taking away and banged his head on the desk, groaning audibly.

Someone was laughing, multiple people, in fact.

It was irritating, distracting.

I'm never going to finish this

They don't care that you could fail your assignment. You don't even care if you fail

He really ought to do something, if anything, go to Jessie-

No, he shook his head. He couldn't. He preferred to stay away from her for the time being since they'd had some rather uncharacteristic outbursts; not to mention that she would try to 'get through to him' and badger him until he exploded again.

Well, he wasn't going to fall for that.

But he couldn't just simply try and ignore it, as it was impossible. They would continue to do it, even if he went down there and politely asked them to stop. They'd do it louder, just because he brought it up and to their attention.

Jessie said their behavior was typical for siblings. That all siblings did things like that to annoy each other.

If he was supposed to feel better or flattered, he didn't. Actually, a constant immersion of peevishness was more accurate.

"...and you'll never guess what he said next-"

I wonder, he rolled his eyes.

Can you not be bitter just once?

I am not bitter, I'm just tired

You're always tired

I know

Apparently, whoever Zuri was talking with, Luke wanted to speak to them as well. He butted in straight after.

"Zuri, you've been talking to them forever. I wanna talk to mom and dad, too."

What?! Ravi practically jumped up from his chair, smacking his knee against the underneath side of his desk. He didn't give into the pain, however, he went out from his room and into the hallway. From there, he went to the railing that overlooked the living room and watched his family as they were eagerly talking to their parents that were face-timing them about school, college and anything else that came to mind.

Jessie was standing behind the couch, behind his siblings and smiling.

They were laughing gaily, exclaiming to one another how much they'd missed them.

Did they even realize that Ravi wasn't there?

Zuri was holding up her own tablet, shoving it close to the screen so their parents could see the latest video that she'd been obsessed with.

They looked happy, joyful. They looked relaxed and over what happened at dinner.

Were they planning on telling him that their parents called or would they conveniently forget to?

He thought about going back to his room, to go back to his report but...but he couldn't tear his eyes away. His chest burned and he bit back the lump in his throat.

They're...they're already happy without me

The little voice in the back of Ravi's mind didn't argue that time.

"Oh, Ravi!" Jessie had turned around and put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, I completely forgot about you! Your parents called, do you wanna come talk to them?"

Why? You all seem to be enjoying yourselves. I wouldn't want to disturb you

He trudged down the stairs, his footsteps were heavier than usual. Zuri pulled her tablet away from the screen, sneaking over a smirk in Ravi's direction that he returned with a blank stare. "Mom, dad," and his insides wanted to shrivel up. He knew what she was going to do. "Did Jessie tell you about what happened at dinner?"

"Yeah, Ravi had a breakdown," Luke added, looking as though he was trying to swallow back a laugh.

"And he got me in trouble," Emma pouted.

"You got yourself in trouble," Jessie reminded her. "You know the rule: no phones at the table."

Emma shrugged. "Still," she muttered.

Their mom finally got a chance to talk. "We heard what happened," her voice conveyed her displeasure and unusual disappointment.

Which was directed at him.

Everyone was always disappointed in him.

So why did it hurt so much? Why did the pain seem to be growing more excruciating as time went on?

"Are you gonna punish him?" Zuri asked nosily. "I suggest for a year. He needs to learn some mature behavior."

"We're not grounding Ravi for a year," their mom said. He couldn't see her face yet but he was sure he didn't want to.

"Well, Jessie already grounded him for a week."

"I hope that's okay," Jessie said quickly, nervously.

"Kids, can you leave us alone for a bit? Your father and I want to talk to Ravi and Jessie."

"You won't hang up, will you?" Emma wanted to know. "I still want to show you what I've been making in school."

"We'll stay on," their mom promised. "Luke wants to show your father how much he's been improving on his dancing. Don't worry."

Satisfied, Emma and his two other siblings went up the stairs to their rooms. He didn't trust them, didn't trust that they would simply stay away and not attempt at eavesdropping to hear him getting read the riot act.

Ravi sat on the farthest cushion on the couch, trying to look anywhere but in the eyes of his parents. They'd never looked at him like that before.

They don't even like you

They're just tolerating you until you can leave

Why would they like the weird kid who has no friends or talent?

He didn't know what to say. His tongue had gone flimsy and he felt overwhelmed. His skin was getting itchy, he wanted to claw at it, rip it off.

"We've been very disappointed with what we've been hearing, Ravi."

You're not good enough, you're not as good as the others are

He couldn't physically respond, he wanted to burst, wanted to leave.

"Jessie told us that you've been giving her attitude lately, son," his father was frowning. Lately as in recently. Lately as in, they hadn't noticed anything different about him until recently. "We've had the talk, haven't we? It's probably hormones; you know, you are growing up and this is a confusing time for you."

He was kind of stumbling over his words, getting uncomfortable with the subject.

"That's not an excuse, though," his mother cut in firmly. Jessie nodded along to her. "I just, I don't understand. Are you trying to be like Luke? Is that it?"

He wanted to make a face, disgusted by her hypothesis. She really thought that Ravi wanted to be like Luke?

"Honey, I know he's your cool big brother and you look up to him-" She was delusional. Utterly crazy. He wanted to gape at her, to scoff but that would have gotten him scolded, maybe even punished further. "But you have to draw the line somewhere. You know better."

"I-I didn't-" He was going to protest but that would have been useless.

"Don't you say that you didn't do anything!" Jessie burst out then realized that his parents were still on the phone and they might not take so kindly. "I'm so sorry. Please don't fire me!"

"Ravi," his mom said to him, "do you have anything to say for yourself?"

He looked down at his lap. "No," he muttered.

She looked defeated. "Ravi, sweetie, this isn't you."

Why is everyone saying that? Why can they not accept that I have changed? I don't want to be like I was anymore

"We just don't want you to get in any more trouble, son," his father said. "You're a good kid."

"You're a good kid."

You mean when I was complacent and did what everyone else wanted me to do?

"Ravi, we just want the best for you," Jessie said. She reached out to touch his head-to ruffle his hair-he jerked away. She sighed. "I don't want a repeat of dinner or this morning."

That comment put his parents on alert. "What happened this morning?" his mom asked immediately.

Oh no

Jessie took a deep breath. "Ravi almost fought Luke and-"

"You tried to fight your brother?" his mom's voice was a bit high pitched. "Ravi Ross, you know better!"

"But he was-" Ravi didn't get a word in edgewise.

"I don't care what Luke did, there's no reason to try and fight him!"

"You're not even listening to me!" Ravi said angrily.

"Watch your tone, young man!" His mother snapped. "I don't want to hear it."

He deflated, his anger pooling. He wanted to go back to his room and hide.

He wanted to leave.

His father tried to simmer them both down, although failing miserably. "Ravi, you know how sometimes people take things a little too personally?"

He was speaking like Ravi was stupid.

Because that's what he thinks of you

Ravi didn't say anything back. He stared.

His father faltered a bit. "Well, son, you do that sometimes. Now it's not a bad thing, you're just a bit sensitive. But you've got to learn to just filter it out. Luke likes to kid and tease, you know that. Maybe next time just ignore it."

"And apologize to your brother if you haven't already," his mother instructed. "Now, I know Jessie already grounded you but I'm adding another week. You're grounded for two. Is that clear?"

He didn't even try and defend himself.

So he nodded.


	17. Chapter 17

_Disappointed_. That word was echoing in Ravi's mind, a taunting reminder of what he'd become.

Sometimes it was like a loud, booming, deep-throaty voice that was like a judge; smacking his gavel down and pronouncing as _guilty, guilty, guilty. _

Other times, it was less severe but still equally as harmful. Just when things didn't seem so bad, just when _for a second_, he didn't feel those raging emotions that threatened to throw him overboard in the midst of a harrowing sea of depression, a soft voice would whisper. He'd feel his throat tighten, his heart speeding up and sweat accumulating on his palms.

He was crazy, he must be. Only crazy people thought like that.

After the intense face-time with his parents, Jessie had gone over the more intimate details of his punishment again just so it was clear between them and made no room for misunderstandings. Yes, he was allowed his electronics for school and homework but as soon as that was over, he was to hand them over to Jessie to where she could plug them up in her room for safekeeping. He was forbidden from any leisurely reading, no cross word puzzles or word searches. She'd initially resisted on allowing him to watch any TV in the screening room but then relented on the subject, _but _only for half an hour; she would time him to make sure he obeyed.

_Because she doesn't trust you _

_And why would she? After what you did, she'll probably never trust you again _

She'd been on a role; completely into her 'lecture mode' she normally saved for Luke. _It just came out_ that he wasn't allowed to have any friends over or go hangout with them. As for Ravi, he stayed stolic; even when Jessie registered what she had said, put a hand to her mouth and covered up her gasp, scrunching up her face and apologizing for her mistake.

He didn't _refute or wave off _her attempt at correcting what she had done. He didn't _want _her to feel any better, any sort of justification or reassurance that everything was alright. He'd just sat through nearly twenty minutes of hearing her berate him for his behavior, wagging her finger in his face and discussing his punishment. She'd kept saying over and over, how _disappointed _she was in him, how he wasn't the same kid he was when she came to work for them.

_Disappointed. _

And when he looked down at the floor, unable to continue to meet her eyes, she'd grabbed him roughly by the chin, _ordering _him to look at her when she was talking.

_Disappointed. _

Nothing had gotten better at school, either. That chemistry project that he was supposed to do, that he'd procrastinated on and struggled to come up with a proper idea-he failed. A big zero was printed on the top corner of his rubric in red ink. _"I'm disappointed in you, Ravi," his chemistry teacher had frowned, shaking his head just like Jessie had done. "You know what you're supposed to do. I've heard such good things from your other teachers." He dropped the rubric and it fell onto the desk. He looked down, then back up at his student. "You're going to have problems if you keep that up." _

_Disappointed. _

That was becoming a recurrence; more of his teachers were noticing a vast change in his behavior and academic performance. Still, some of them saw him as "Bobby" and didn't care as much because he wasn't "important". He wasn't a part of the popular crowd that needed those extra tutoring sessions so they didn't get kicked out of their clubs or benched for the sports season. And beyond a scolding or two, not one of his teachers reached out to Jessie to see if there was anything going on at home that might explain it or even to himself, to ask him questions and just observe.

In a way, he was more than happy to be left alone. It wasn't their problem that they needed to fix nor did he need them getting involved and disrupting his home life more than it already was.

_Disappointed. _

Someone was in a hurry to beat the line for the pizza that was being served that day. They bumped into Ravi, their enormously filled backpack hit him in the side, knocking him to the right a bit. He stumbled, but caught himself before he had taken a fall right in front of everyone. _That _would have been embarrassing.

Shelby was at their table that they shared, that only they occupied. Everyone else had their own cliques, their own tables that they'd found during the first week of school. Now, it was like assigned seating, without the assigned part.

He maneuvered out of the way of someone walking with two textbooks and a lunch tray. It was only after he stopped daydreaming long enough to notice her presence. She gave him a dirty look as she passed; he'd seen plenty to become desensitized from it.

_That's saying something _

When Ravi got to 'their' table, he put his backpack straps over the back of his chair that he almost always sat in. For once, Shelby did not cheerfully greet him and ask how his morning (and his classes) had been. She was viciously stirring a chocolate pudding cup, with her eyes staring at it intently for some strange reason.

As much as he would have loved to keep it quiet for a few minutes longer, he did have something to talk to her about. They needed one more study session before their project was due and he was anxious to get it finished. After that was over, he didn't need to be around her after the school day. No more needless chatter or being hounded with questions. He was quite looking forward to it. "Shelby," he said after a moment, "we must talk."

She sat right up, taking notice of his appearance and a smile tugged at her lips. "I love to talk!" she told him.

_Yes, I know. I think everyone knows _

"So what do you wanna talk about?" she brought the spoon she had been stirring with up to mouth, licking the pudding off the front. "Oooh! What about movies? Have you seen anything new recently? I haven't. I'm not really into movies, I kinda watch some but I get bored and distracted really easily. Or what about flowers? Do you like flowers? Do you have a favorite one? I love sunflowers, they're so pretty. Did I tell you that? I can't remember. Sometimes I repeat myself. Did I also tell you that back home, we had a garden? It was _so _pretty! We had sunflowers and marigolds and mums and roses and lilies and carnations and daisies. We also had vegetables, too and one fruit! Squash and tomatoes and two kinds of peppers and watermelon and peas and cucumbers! It was a really big garden. Huge." She opened her arms wide to emphasize her point.

Ravi shook his head, in a vague daze from all that she spilled out so fast. "No," he said flatly. "Neither of those."

"Aw okay," she said, making one of her weird faces again. "What about, then?"

He took a seat, unraveling the paper bag lunch bag he had with him. He also undid the plastic wrap that was on his sandwich, grimacing at the soggy bread. Jessie had put too much mayonnaise again, making his food unappetizing. If anything, he would just eat the meat. And that's what he planned on doing, so he pulled the sandwich apart, even though touching it was really the _last _thing he wanted to do.

_Luke's right. You're such a wuss _

_You can't even touch bread_

_That's kinda pathetic _

Shelby peered at what he was doing, although not just that-she leaned her body a bit over the table to have a closer look. Ravi felt like asking her if she wanted a picture so it would last longer.

But he didn't. He just patiently waited until she sat back down.

_She's ridiculously nosy _

_Actually, you're just a grump _

_There was absolutely no reason to do that! Does she not have manners? Did her parents not teach her any? _

_Pretty sure you've complained about that before_

_And I will continue to complain! _

_Do you know who you sound like? Jessie _

_Ugh _

"What's wrong with your sandwich?"

"Nothing," he said sharply.

"Then why are you taking the meat off?"

"Because I _want _to," he ground out. "Do you have a problem with that?"

"Oh, no," she said brightly. "I was just curious. You usually eat it all together, ya know, like normal."

He swore he hated that, _like normal_.

Perhaps it was because nothing he'd ever done reflected any sort of normalness within him, prompting others to point it out as though he wasn't aware.

"Well, this time I want it to be different," he lied. "Which is of no concern to _you_."

There was that knowing smile again. She did a half laugh, the kind that clearly said _I know you're lying but it's okay_ and tore off half of her sandwich and-

Handed it to him.

"Here, take it," she offered. "I don't mind, really." He stared at it warily, as if expecting it to jump out and attack him. "Go on, it's okay!"

He took it from her slowly, unsure of how to interpret her kind gesture.

"Besides," she took another mouthful of pudding and swallowed. "Yours looks gross, no offense. Way too much mayonnaise."

So they agreed on something.

He peeked at the contents on the inside.

"It's roast beef with a _tiny bit _of ranch and jalapeno peppers. If you don't like the peppers you can take them off. I'll eat them. I love them. Do you like spicy food? I love spicy food. It's _so _good," Shelby was tapping her food underneath the table. He heard it, heard her rhythm. It must have been from a favorite song of hers.

"I do like spicy food," he admitted as he took a modest bite of the sandwich. It was tasty, better than he'd anticipated. Then he added, "And thank you."

"What kind do you like?" Shelby bypassed his thank you, absolutely thrilled that they had something in common.

_This makes it seem like we're friends _

_To her, you are _

_But I don't want to encourage it _

_It's a simple conversation. Get a grip _

"Well, there are these dragon fire peppers that I quite enjoy."

Shelby looked impressed.

"That sounds good! I'd love to try one sometime! If that's okay, of course. No one else in my family likes spicy stuff as much as I do. They think it's too hot so I have to spicy up my own food."

Kind of reminiscent of how most of the family didn't share his appreciation for spicy food either. Not one of them had tried his dragon fire peppers, especially after he and Luke had told the story of how Ravi had stopped the school bully, Dale Davenport.

She wiped the pudding stain that was nearly her mouth with a napkin. "So, what were you gonna say? You said we needed to talk."

Oh, yes. Now he remembered.

"About our project-" He barely even got the words out and she started talking again. Why did he even try?

"Oh yeah! We only have one more study date, don't we? I'm so sad about that, aren't you? I can't believe it's almost over. I guess we'll have more projects, what do you think? I think we will. But this was so fun! I can't wait to act it out. Do you want us to go first when we present or last or maybe in the middle? I don't mind, either way. I just figured that maybe you'd wanna get it over with and done, you know?" She babbled.

"As I was _trying to say_," he leveled her with a pointed look that she did not react to. He gave up. It was useless. "About our project, I think we should study in the park again. We can do that after school, unless you have somewhere else to be today."

He hoped that she would.

"Nope, I don't!" Darn it. "_Buuuuut_," she drawled teasingly.

"But what?" he groaned.

"I was thinking..."

"...Yes?"

"What if we go somewhere else to study?" He had a bad feeling about that. "The library and the park's been fun but my parents want me home earlier today. I think it's because we still need to unpack some things. Did you have a lot of stuff when you came here? Did it take you a while to unpack? We don't have a _whole _lot but it's enough, you know? It's been hard because they work a lot and then my brother and I have homework and chores and we've been studying so I can't just help them out and-"

"So what you're saying is," he hurriedly interjected, "we need to choose somewhere that's closer to your apartment?"

"_Orrrrrr_," she was bouncing in her seat again and Ravi saw that pattern: that signal that she had a _fantastic _idea and was thoroughly excited to share the _fantastic _idea with Ravi. "We could go over to my house!"

(And as with most of her ideas and thoughts, Ravi didn't share that overwhelming enthusiasm-exhibit A: This moment when she (falsely) believed that he would be thrilled to come over. He wasn't).

"Y-Your house?" He could just imagine it, picturing that her family was equally as obnoxious and sickeningly happy as Shelby was. He refrained from shuddering.

"Yeah!" she beamed and there were those dimples again.

_Funny how you notice those _

_I'm making a simple observation _

_Sure you are _

"Wouldn't it be fun?" That was her signature question, one he was sure she'd said about a thousand times since she came to Walden. "After we finish, we could hangout together! We could bake cookies or watch people or take a walk or you could even stay for dinner! Oh man, I'm _so _excited, aren't you?"

There was that, too.

"Oh, no," he started to backtrack before he would get pushed into it any further, "I hardly think that's a good idea."

"Why not?" her eyes went big again. And they looked so ridiculously innocent. Like bambi.

_That's an interesting comparison _

"Well, I-" He didn't have much of an excuse so what was he supposed to say? "Well, I-I'm grounded," he settled on that.

"Oh, no!" she exclaimed.

"Yes," he pretended to be sorry about it, "Jessie told me I'm not allowed to go over anyone's house to hangout."

_She also meant that for your 'friends', unless you're considering Shelby a friend now_

_No! Don't be obtuse. It's just an excuse _

"That sucks," she remarked. Then she brightened up, an imaginary light bulb seemed to light up. "But this is for our project. So _technically _we're not hanging out, are we? We're doing our homework so maybe she'll let you!"

_She's technically correct _

_Ugh _

"I don't know," he was stalling. "She might not."

"You should ask her!" Shelby suggested. "Oooh! I'll text my dad and ask if you can come over! My parents have been wanting to meet you. I've told them all about you, of course!"

"You've...talk about me?"

"Of course, silly."

"About what?" Knowing Shelby, that could have been anything.

"Lots of stuff!"

_That doesn't make me feel any better _

"That doesn't narrow it down," Ravi argued.

But Shelby had apparently abandoned the subject and was onto something else. The fate of whether Ravi would be allowed over was more important. "Did you ask yet? Can you come over?"

_Did you see me touch my phone? _

"No," he said slowly.

"Can you ask?_ Pleaseeeee_?"

"Why?" He didn't want to and quite frankly, her persistence was wearing on him. "And don't tell me it will be _fun_."

She giggled. "Oh come on, Ravi! You know you want to!"

_No, I don't. I really don't _

He had to maintain a relatively normal composure without unloading all of what he was feeling onto her, at least within the presence of his classmates. They would just _love _that. They would snicker and label him having anger issues. They came up with enough things to bother him with, he didn't need to help them with it!

"I would rather not," he said quietly.

"_Raviiiiii_."

"Don't start that," he warned.

"Don't start _what_?" She was messing with him, enjoying it.

"You know very well what I'm speaking of," he didn't wish to play any games. He was tired and wanted to be back in bed.

"Or do I?" She propped her elbows on the table, resting her chin on the tops of her hands.

"You're not funny," he said crossly.

"How funny! Emily said the same thing!"

_What. A. Coincidence. _

He was about to lose it. "Just stop it!" he whisper-yelled. "I don't appreciate this-any of this!"

She reached over to playfully shove him at his shoulder. "I'm just messing around, silly."

_That's always your excuse _

"Regardless," he was going to say something but ultimately realized it was worthless to try and get through to her. She was simply so stubborn that he didn't need to try. He buried his face in his arms, making all sorts of exasperated noises.

He felt a poke in one of his arms. His eye twitched.

"So are you gonna ask?"

_Take a deep breath and count to ten _

"Fine!" he said shippishly and grabbed his phone.

Maybe Jessie would say no.

Maybe the universe would be in his favor for this one time in his pathetic life.

Just maybe.

_Okay, I suppose that's fine since it is for homework. But remember to be home in time for dinner. We're having pizza and you know how Luke is _

...Or it might be laughing at him while making everything entirely impossible for him.

"Did she text you back? What'd she say? Can you come over?" Shelby asked him.

Why couldn't Jessie put her foot down for _once_?

"I can't believe it, I can't believe it, I can't _believe it!_" She was squealing, holding onto the sleeve of his shirt, jumping up and down like some loon. "I can't believe you're actually coming over! Isn't this great? Are you as excited as I am? This is gonna be the _best day ever!_"

_Or the day I decide to throw myself into traffic _

"Can you stop that _please_?' He was cringing at how she was conducting herself out in public. It was utterly embarrassing and he didn't want to be seen with someone like _that_. His social standing was lowered enough by his own issues, he didn't need to have it any lower because of Shelby. She might not care all that much about how other people saw her, but he did.

"Hold up," that time, she took his wrist and guided him away from the sea of incoming students and over to the side where all the lockers were. "I need to get something out of my locker first."

"Fine," he muttered, not even fighting against her.

Some people were still bothered by the fact that Ravi Ross was being willingly seen with (and associated by) a female. They were giving the pair strange looks that had been going on since she'd come there. It was slightly tiring. Didn't they have _anything _else to do besides stare at them?

Luke was passing by with his friends, totally engrossed in their conversation. Ravi was glad; still, though, he turned his face more toward the lockers to avoid meeting eyes with Mitch. He'd done good in trying to avoid him and for now, anyway, Mitch had grown bored of trying to mess with him in the mornings so he left Ravi alone.

(But Ravi didn't let his guard down so easily. He anticipated Mitch's next attack).

"Okay!" Shelby slammed the door of her locker and Ravi flinched. "I'm done! We can go now."

"Can we wait a second?" Ravi was hoping that by waiting a few minutes, his siblings would be on their way home.

"How come?"

"I-I have to go to the bathroom," he'd spied the bathroom sign and it gave him a quick, reasonable excuse.

"Okay! I think I'll go too. I wanna fix my ponytail anyway, it kept sliding down in PE..." Shelby went into the girl's bathroom, her voice echoing.

Ravi stayed by her locker. He didn't really have to go and he didn't fancy running into anyone else that didn't particularly like him in there.

Thankfully, unlike his sisters, Shelby didn't linger in there and came out as quick as she went in

"Ready to go now?" She asked.

_No, not at all _

He ignored his screaming inner voice.

"Yes," he sighed. "Let's go."

She offered her arm for him to latch on, like in those older movies. He declined.

It was one of those days where the temperature had cooled dramatically from the other days that the two had to study together. The breeze made her hair sway and it was refreshing on his face, even with the sun.

Speaking of the sun, the rays had shone down on Shelby's face and-

_And what? What were you going to say? _

_Nothing _

_That didn't seem like nothing _

"It's so pretty out," Shelby commented.

"I suppose." Out of habit, Ravi would answer as if she would ask him his opinion (which she usually did).

"At least it's not hot outside."

"Mhm," he hummed.

"And at least there's a breeze."

"Mhm," he repeated.

"I also think we're gonna have so much! It's been a while since I've had a friend over."

"Mhm."

"Maybe after this we could try going on an actual date?"

"Mhm-_what_?' he spluttered.

She started to laugh. "I just wanted to see if you were paying attention! You should have seen your face!"

_Hilarious _

He must have looked as sour as he felt; she _pinched his cheeks_ and said, "Oh come on, Ravi. I was just kidding."

_Don't do that. Don't touch me, don't even look at me _

"You're so serious," she mockingly sighed. "I've got to loosen you up somehow."

"No, thank you. I'm very much fine with how I am."

"No, you aren't," she disagreed.

_Who are you to say... _

"Excuse you? Yes, I am."

"Ravi, you don't have to pretend. I get it."

"_Get what?_"

But Shelby let the topic slide. "Anyway, like I said, it's been a super long time since I've had anyone over. Okay, well maybe not _a super long time _but long enough, you know? Before I left Iowa, my friends and I had one last party. It was super fun. Caleb has a pool so we all went to his house. Isabella was there, Emily was there and we went swimming and a _lot _of food. We even made ice cream sundaes! I made mine look like a clown."

"That's very nice," he tried to sound convincing.

"You know, sometimes I miss them. I call them everyday and we video-chat, of course, but it's not the same. I miss seeing them in person and hanging out like we always did. Did you feel like that after you moved away from India? I hope maybe next summer I can see them again."

That almost made her seem human. Tolerable.

Still, her voice pepped back up, after nearly leaning toward sadness (but still not quite? Ravi was unsure of how to explain it). It was nice to see her acting human-if only briefly.

"No," he answered her question, deliberately doing what he could to stop himself from falling into the depth of another memory. Those flashbacks; those horrible, _awful _flashbacks that felt so eerily real. "No, I didn't."

_Because you didn't have anyone to miss _

"That's too bad," Shelby pointed over to where they needed to make a right turn at. Ravi followed her lead, thinking how ironic it was that he had to rely on _her_.

"I suppose," he said carefully.

She abruptly stopped-which meant Ravi did, too.

"Are you coming-?"

"That means you didn't have any friends!" she gaped.

His cheeks reddened.

_Must she be so loud and announce it to the whole world? _

Shelby took a hold of his arms and he froze. "That's awful. You must have been so lonely!"

_Stop talking, please _

He wiggled out of her grip. "I was fine, thank you," he said shortly.

_Liar _

"I think you're lying," Shelby studied his face. "How could you be fine without any friends?"

_She's onto you _

_No she is not! _

Her staring was making him squirm. "Come on," he said, unnerved, "didn't you say you have to be home earlier? We don't want to be late."

"You're avoiding the question!" she declared as they began to walk again. "You don't want to talk!"

_Now she gets it... _

"Correct, so that means we should continue on our journey," but he had an inkling that they wouldn't be going as fast as he'd like.

"You can't avoid it forever," she told him matter-of-factly.

_She's right _

_I can try _

_And you'll fail _

"I-I'm not trying to avoid it," he defended himself weakly.

"Than why won't you talk about it?"

_Because I don't want to?  
_"Because I do not wish to!" There was a dog at the end of the corner, a stray, he assumed from the lack of collar around its neck. Shelby momentarily diverted her attention onto the animal, cooing at it with her hands extended.

"Hi Toby! Hi sweet boy! I love, love you too!" Shelby was delighted as the dog, _Toby_, eagerly peppered her with kisses and making happy noises.

_Ugh, so much slobber _

"Ravi, this is Toby," Shelby introduced him, glowing with happiness. "Isn't he the cutest little angel in the world?"

That _cutest little angel _looked up at him and growled, baring its teeth. Ravi instinctively took a step backwards.

"Charming," he said dryly.

"I know right!" Shelby stood back up to her full height. "I wish we could take him home but mom and dad said we can't." She looked down longingly at the dog that decided to lay down at her feet. "It's so sad. I hate to see strays, don't you? I found Toby when we moved here. He didn't have a name-at least I don't think so-so I named him Toby. I like that name, don't you? It fits him, I think."

_Perhaps if you had decided to name it 'Satan' _

_You're just sour because he didn't like you _

_That is absurd and unfounded _

"I don't know," she continued, "I think Chewie and Toby would get along fine. Chewie likes people and other dogs. Back when we lived in Iowa, there was this pug that lived kinda close to us. She and Chewie liked to chase each other all the time. Isn't that adorable? I think it is. And if we took Toby home, we wouldn't have to worry about someone hurting him. I worry about him a lot. It's a really big city and I don't want him to get run over or something."

"Perhaps he has more sense than to run out in traffic?" Ravi suggested.

_Since when do you try and make her feel better? _

She pondered his words. "I hope so. I'd just be crushed if he didn't. But dogs are smart, I think. Sometimes it's like there's a little person inside them."

She seemed to think what she said was fairly clever and laughed.

"Oh, look! There's my house! Come on!" Yet again, without thinking back to the _numerous _times Ravi had instructed Shelby not to touch him (especially without his permission), she took his wrist and picked up her speed. Ravi squeaked out in surprise, nearly tripping. It was a modest home, a single home that had a chimney at the top. Not a fancy penthouse or a farmhouse with a barn in the back.

_You sound like you're stereotyping_

They went up the stairs and she tried to open the door but it appeared locked.

"Hmm, dad's not back yet," she said more to herself, taking her lanyard off that had her house key attached. She unlocked the door and pushed it open, gesturing for Ravi to go in first.

He did, but only a step or two. He was still in the doorway, glancing at his surroundings.

He wasn't exactly sure what he'd expected it to look like; maybe because they'd come from the country, to be full of country things or maybe busy. Because Shelby always seemed so _busy_. He didn't know but either way, nothing looked like he thought it would.

It seemed mostly _average. _There were a few boxes laying around that were untouched. The walls had some pictures scattered on them. Most of the furniture was up and unpacked and the place had definitely been cleaned and repainted with a calming sky blue. Straight across the way was a staircase that led to the upstairs. He guessed Shelby's room was up there.

"I'm so glad you're here!" she repeated, closing the door and making her way over to the closed blinds that were covering the living room windows. She twisted the handle, then pushed it upward. "Can you help me open the windows? Mom must have forgot to do it earlier."

"I suppose," he did not feel entirely comfortable with going about and touching things in a home that wasn't his. But Shelby had requested it so-maybe it was alright.

Together they opened all the windows downstairs; it brightened up the house considerably.

"Thanks! Oh my gosh, don't you just _love _sunshine? It's the greatest thing ever! I just love sun-shiny days; oh and fresh cut grass! I _love _fresh cut grass. I don't know why but I've always loved the smell. It's great!" Shelby exhaled happily, as if she'd just swallowed her favorite drink.

"No, I don't really-AH!" Ravi whipped around as soon as he felt something cold and wet touch penetrate through his jeans, nudging the back of his knee. With his heart beating wildly, he looked down at another dog, the dog that Shelby had a picture pinned on the door of her locker.

"Chewie!" Shelby exclaimed. "Say hi, Ravi!"

Ravi tensed up. Chewie was peering at him, sniffing his leg. He was silently praying that it would get bored and leave him alone. Now, Ravi wasn't really afraid of dogs; they were cute of course. But one time he nearly got attacked by one and had been wary around them ever since.

Ravi awkwardly patted Chewie's head. Okay, so he was ridiculously adorable but as far as the cutest, Mrs. Kipling was still number one.

"I have to go feed Chewie real quick and take out the trash," Shelby told him, simultaneously petting her dog. "I'll be right back!"

"'Okay," he muttered as he heard her stomp off and watched Chewie rush after her.

"Are you hungry?" she called over the noise of her dumping dry food into a dog bowl. "There's some chocolate chip cookies if you want! Do you like milk? You can have milk and cookies if you want. Or we have water or soda or juice. You can take whatever you want."

_I shouldn't _

_You're hungry _

_I can wait _

_Is that why your stomach just growled? _

"I shouldn't," he scrunched up his face.

"Why not?" She moved on to her next task and tied up the strings of the trash bag into a knot. "You like cookies, don't you? I thought you did but I couldn't remember. If not, we might have something else."

"That is not necessary," he said quickly.

Shelby struggled to take the bag out, it was filled to the brim and she stumbled, trying to make her way over to the backdoor. He guessed that her trash can was out there.

"Here," he sighed and against his better judgement, he held the door for her so she didn't fall down the stairs.

_You mean like you would have? But it kinda seems like an excuse, you didn't even hesitate_

He...He frowned, thinking back to that split second where he'd done it without stopping to think about it. Well, he reasoned, he didn't want to be a jerk. He may not have particularly liked her but that didn't mean he had to be rude.

"Thanks!" she beamed. "You're so sweet."

_His mother finally flattened down a piece of his hair that had been bent on staying straight up. She caressed his soft cheek. "Oh my, sweet, Ravi. I love you so much. Mommy loves you, okay?" _

He forced a smile in return. "You're welcome."

"Now about those cookies," Shelby and he went back into the kitchen where she dipped her hand into a homemade ceramic cookie jar. It was a dark, blood red with a distorted dinosaur on it. She pulled out a couple and held them out, waving them in a silent question of _do you want any or not? _

_Don't be stupid, you're hungry so just say yes! _

_I shouldn't _

_You're being dramatic, too. It's just food _

_But what if she thinks I'm being greedy if I take them or rude if I don't? _

_Since when do you care what she thinks about you? _

_Ughhhh! _

He took them (cringing as she whooped), muttering a thank you as he bit into one. He was starving at this point; he'd eaten some of his lunch but not all of it. He'd been anxious at the thought of going over to Shelby's house, imagining how her family was and what they would think of _him_.

Would they be overly happy and talkative?

Would they be disgusted by his presence and avoid him at all costs and gossip about him the moment he left?

"It's good," he said out of surprise. It was gooey with more chocolate chips than a typical cookie had in a package from the supermarket. Beyond that, he didn't know what the difference was from any other kind of chocolate chip cookie, but it was _good_. Better than when Jessie had tried to be 'helpful' and bake six dozens of cookies for Zuri's booth at a bake sale. Not even Mrs. Kipling touched them. Rock hard and salty because she'd confused the salt and the sugar. No, _these _were to die for.

"I'm glad you like them!" Shelby said, pleased.

"Did you make these?" He'd been given her cookies before, on her first day during lunch. He managed to swipe them up in a napkin and dispose of them without eating any of it, despite that they had looked good enough to eat. That following Monday, she'd brought him a container to bring home to his family but they never made it out of the school building. Ravi should have felt bad, for wasting nearly two dozen of them by throwing them in a trash can by the staircase that hardly anyone used-he kept the container hidden in his backpack until the next day when he returned it to her and avoided all of her questions about whether or not his family had liked them or not.

"Mhm," Shelby's cheeks were still pink from the sun, it resembled Emma's when she used that-oh, what was it-blush just before her dates. "They're much better this time. I used a secret ingredient," she said in an exaggerated whisper that couldn't have been counted as a whisper at all.

"I see," Ravi felt extraordinarily awkward just standing there, looking around the mostly finished kitchen so he had _something _to do.

_Say something! _

_No! Then she will start talking again _

_That's kinda the point _

_I don't want to hear it. The less I hear, the better _

"Do you want any milk? Or soda? Or Water? Or Juice?"

"I suppose I'll have whatever you have," he rubbed back of his neck.

Shelby nodded. "Okay!" She went into the refrigerator and got two cans of cola. She set one on the counter and slid it over to him. "Funny, usually people eat milk and cookies together, you know? That reminds me-" _Oh, what now? _"Back at my old school, there was this weird kid and he used to eat his cookies and cereal with water," she made a face and groaned good naturedly, "Gross! He was _super _weird but a good weird. He was also a really good chess player. We used to call him Waterdown Waldo, because his name's Waldo."

Again, she assumed that was an ingenious line that only she could come up with.

_Fascinating _

Although Ravi had to-of all things-agree with Shelby on her take; the thought of soggy cereal and cookies by water was nauseating. The kids at school made fun of him for being weird but he wasn't as weird as _that _kid.

"Wanna get started?" Shelby asked after taking a big gulp. Her eyes kind of looked glassy from all that carbonation. "You can take that in the living room," she pointed to his cola, "my parents won't mind."

And accidentally spill it, creating a monstrous stain on the obviously new carpet? He'd rather not.

"I'm fine right here," he disagreed.

"Okay!" she chirped.

A few minutes later, their school papers and the _Romeo and Juliet _book were scattered on the counter and the table. Paranoid, Ravi kept his soda can a fair distance away. There had been a time, way back in fifth grade, about four months before Jessie came into the picture, where he had spilled soda all over Luke's homework and textbook. One of their many new and short lived nanny's, Tara-he thought that was her name-was a fresh out of school college student. She _insisted _that Luke do his homework right after school, persuading him that if he got it all done that he'd have the rest of the night to play his video games. Ravi had not yet been through the new school system so he stayed around to partially observe; only things went sour quickly.

Luke had whined and tried _everything _he could try and get out of doing his work.

Zuri had been having some temper tantrum because Tara put a limit on how many sweets she could consume before dinner.

And Emma-well he didn't really know what she'd been doing other than freaking out about something fashion related.

Poor Tara was overwhelmed and it hadn't even been five-o'clock yet. So when Ravi made the fatal mistake of moving his arm too quickly and subsequently knocked his drink over, it flooded the table and Tara was up in a flash and lost her temper. She never touched him, but she did scream at him for not watching what he was doing.

He could remember that; how it felt. How _worthless _she'd made him feel. How Luke had laughed at him from behind Tara's back. Those feelings he'd suppressed for the sake of getting along and he hadn't been adopted that long anyway so...

(Tara eventually got fired; not for screaming at him, though. She'd been caught snooping through his mother's makeup and his parents were concerned about what _else _she'd been into).

"Are you ready?" Shelby was twirling some of her hair with her finger, her eyes on the page they were supposed to be reading from.

"I suppose," he was saying that a lot lately. He was to go first so he said in a kind of monotone, "_Holy Francisian! Brother, ho!" _

Shelby took a step forward (which was more like one stomp of her foot. It was needlessly dramatic). "_This should be the voice of Friar John! Welcome from Mantua: what says Romeo? Or, if his mind is written, give me his letter." _

Ravi tried not to stumble over his lines (as he had the day they rehearsed in the park). "_Going to find a bare-foot brother out one of our order, to associate me, here in this city visiting the sick and finding him, the searchers of the town, suspecting that we both were in a house where the infectious pestilence did reign, seal'd up the doors, and would not us forth; so that my speed to Mantua there was stay'd." _

He had to reread that line twice-the language was so twisted and crazy that he felt like a headache was beginning to set in.

Shelby jumped in. "_Unhappy fortune!" _she bellowed and he jumped too, "_By my brotherhood, the letter was not nice but full of charge, of dear import, and the neglecting it. May do much danger. Friar John, go hence; get me an iron crow, and bring it straight. Unto my cell." _

"_Brother, I'll go and bring it to thee," _Ravi read.

He was to exit so he stepped back behind the kitchen counter and Shelby came a bit more forward. "_Now must I to the monument alone; within three hours will fair Juliet wake: she will beshrew me much that Romeo hath had no choice of these accidents; but I will write again on Mantua, and keep her at my cell till Romeo come; poor living corse, closed in a dead man's tomb." _

She took a bow. "Thank you, thank you," she said to their invisible audience. "We'll be here until Monday!"

He rolled his eyes at her antics.

"Well," she straightened back up, "I think that went well."

"Well? _Well?" _He looked at her in disbelief. Did she participate in some _other _rehearsal? "I messed up five times. I stumbled over my words and I'm not sure if I can do this in front of our class!"

She patted him on the shoulder. "Ravi, Ravi, Ravi," she tisked. "Making mistakes is a good thing!"

_You must be joking _

"It's how we learn," she was trying to seem wise again. "Have you ever seen the movie, Meet the Robinsons?"

He blinked, not understanding the point.

"Well if you haven't, it's _so _good. You should watch it. Actually, I think we have the movie somewhere. Oooh! Do you wanna stay and watch it with me? That'll be _so _fun! Oh, wait, you're grounded, aren't you? That stinks. I guess we'll just have to wait until some other time. But _anyway_," perhaps now she was going to get to the point. If there was one. "The characters have a motto: Keep moving forward. No matter how many mistakes you make, you've got to keep going."

_That's hardly applicable to real life _

_Why? Too positive for you? _

_No! That's not it! _

_Oh, I see _

"Can I ask you a personal question?" Oh, so now she was _asking_. "Why'd you get grounded anyway?"

_Too personal _

"I don't believe that's any of your business," he narrowed his eyes.

"Oh come on, we're friends, aren't we?"

_No _

"I just wanna know. You're so quiet, what could you have done?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"But _why_?"

"_Because_."

"Because why?" she must have enjoyed pushing his buttons. Because his nerves were on their last, very thin thread.

"Because I don't want to! Must you know every single detail of my life?" he buried his face in his hands.

"Not everything," she mused. "Well, I kinda know everything about Isabella and Emily and Caleb. But they're my besties so of course, I do! And don't worry," she said as if Ravi had been heartbroken by her previous words, "you're my bestie, too. My _new _bestie!"

_Hooray... _

_I wonder what would kill me faster; a knife or banging my head on this counter? _

The front door creaked and a masculine voice called out, "I'm home."

A pair of thudding feet flew through the hallway, dropping a backpack by the stairs and then rushing up them. A man that Ravi presumed to be Shelby's father stood at the end, admonishing _Elliot _that he knew better than to leave his backpack down there where someone could trip over it and if he didn't pick it up in five seconds, he wouldn't get any dessert that night.

The man then turned to the kitchen area where he and Shelby were. He had a nice smile and Ravi immediately saw the resemblance between him and his daughter. She was his spitting image, only in female form.

Same blonde hair, same facial constriction, same bulky, hipster glasses; he was a few inches taller than her but overall, a smaller man than average. He held a confidence about him that had passed down to his daughter.

"Daddy!" Shelby shrieked and met her father in a hug. "How was your day?"

"Just fine, princess," he squeezed her back. "And what about you?"

"It's been great!" she exclaimed and went through a run down of how her day had been. "We played dodgeball in PE and it was really fun! I almost won! I was the third to last person out, which only happened because I tripped and the ball hit me. The girl who threw it had good aim; she reminded me of Emily. Emily liked Pe, it was the only class she liked to stay awake for. So, how was your day? Did all the kids behave? I don't really have any homework besides my English project. Ravi and I are having _so _much fun! Oh, by the way, Daddy, this is Ravi. He's my new best friend!"

With that _lovely _introduction, Shelby's father looked over at him and Ravi felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. Really, he wasn't totally sure _how _to feel. "H-Hello," he said nervously.

A smile broke out on Mr. England's face. Shelby let him go so her father could extend his hand for a handshake. Ravi took it cautiously. "Good to finally meet you, son," her father said jovially. "Matt England. Shelby's told us all about you. My wife and I were wondering if we'd ever get to meet this infamous Ravi."

"She wouldn't shut up about you," a little boy with brown hair and a baby face came into the kitchen, grumbling.

Mr. England slapped a hand on the boy's back, pulling him in closer and ruffling his hair. "Be nice," he chided. "Your sister was excited; you know she likes people."

Shelby beamed in agreement.

"But she doesn't have to be so weird about it," the boy protested.

So Ravi wasn't the only one that thought her behavior was strange.

"Be nice," Mr. England repeated, giving his son a stern look. "You'll have to excuse our son, Elliot," he said to Ravi, than glanced back down at Elliot, "We're still working on manners."

"Manners, smanners," Elliot said under his breath-or so he thought.

"Oh," Ravi said awkwardly, "that is alright."

Mr. England, however, didn't stay concentrated on Ravi to hear his reply. "Get a snack then go into the living room so we can work on your homework."

Elliot groaned. "Daaaad."

"No buts. And don't bother your sister and Ravi. They're busy."

"But can I-"

"No."

"But what if I-"

"No."

"But-"

"Elliot, no," Mr. England was firm about his decision. "Snack, then homework. We talked about this, how you're getting older and you have to keep your grades up."

"I know," Elliot was sulking but eventually did as he was told.

Mr. England shook his head. "Kids," he said fondly. "So, tell me Ravi, you're a junior just like my daughter is, correct?"

"Yes, sir," he said politely.

"What's your plan for after high school?" Mr. England sat on the edge of the counter, arms crossed, although not in a confrontational way.

"I-" He hadn't put much thought into lately, especially with the way his grades were going. What _did _he want to pursue, career wise? What _was _he good at? He was drawing a blank and didn't know how to come up with a (_fast_) answer that sounded reasonable and would placate Shelby's father.

"I think you'd be a good teacher!' Shelby chimed in. "Or a doctor or a nurse or a scientist or a vet or-"

"Shelby," Mr. England said gently, slightly laughing, "why don't we let Ravi answer."

"Okay," she giggled.

"I hope my daughter hasn't talked your ear off too much, son," Mr. England chuckled.

"I haven't!" Shelby said just as Ravi faked yet another smile.

"I really don't know yet," Ravi finally settled on, shrugging to make his answer seem more believable.

Mr. England bought it. So did Shelby. He should have been an actor.

"I was the same way for a while," the man nodded as if remembering his younger years as a high school student. "It's tricky, for sure. Still treated like a kid yet expected to make big decisions. I get it. I didn't know what I wanted to do until my last two months of high school. Finally figured out that teaching was my calling. Let me tell ya: when you find that thing that just makes you _ecstatic, _go for it. Run with it. No matter what it takes. It sure beats a job you aren't really happy with."

_He's right, you know _

_That may be so, but surely that isn't realistic. You can't always have a job you want _

_Maybe not, but you should try _

_So I can fail? _

_That depends on your attitude. If you think you'll fail, you will _

_That kind of psychology doesn't work on me _

"Thank you, err, for the advice," Ravi said.

"Don't mention it," Mr. England said. "And remembering, that isn't just for picking a career. That's for life. If you ever come across and you just _want it, _grab onto it. It could be the best thing for you."

Ravi could detect that tone, that _knowing _tone, the same of which that Shelby had. He didn't quite know _what _to think of it or how to respond to that last piece of advice. But, he didn't have to. Mr. England then harped on his son for not listening to his instructions _again_. The boy was trying to watch TV with the volume turned down but he'd apparently not anticipated on his father catching him in the act.

As for Shelby, she was still standing there (miraculously quiet), sucking on a straw that was pushed into a fruit punch juice box. "My dad's so smart," she complemented, "that's why he's a teacher. I don't think I could be a teacher. It just doesn't feel right, you know? I don't feel all _ecstatic _like dad says I should. Do you wanna be a teacher? I feel like you'd be a good one. Maybe a science teacher or, ooooh! An English teacher since you're so good at English."

For being so _good _at English, he'd recently been given a D on their last three assignments, one of them being on the verge of an F in one case.

_At least she has faith in you. No one else does _

"I don't think so," he didn't think he could picture himself up in front of a class, being watched and judged for things like enforcing the rules.

_They would eat you alive _

"That's too bad! You'd be so good at it."

_I think you're delusional _

"Wanna see my room?" She really did have a short attention span. Like a gnat or a small child.

"We aren't done with our project yet," Ravi felt so defeated. There was little time for them to prepare any longer. Soon they would present their project to the class and Shelby wanted to waste further time by showing him something as pointless as her room. "Do you not think we should spend _a little more _time on it?"

They were going to fail. Given an F or a D for halfhearting it. Their classmates would laugh at them, mock them for it, especially if Shelby acted as theatrical and dramatic as she did during their rehearsal.

He didn't want any of that to happen. But, simultaneously, he'd stopped caring for the most part about his grades. He didn't want to be that same brainiac that everyone messed with.

He was confused. He was unsure. Everything felt like a jumbled mess.

"We'll be fine!" She motioned for him to follow her and they passed by the living room, where Elliot was seated on the couch next to his father, visibly pouting.

Chewie wanted to go upstairs as well and made it up there before either of them, waiting until Shelby got up to the top.

"Such a good boy," she praised, rubbing the top of his head.

There were three bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. The bathroom was located on the right as soon as one came upstairs. The door was wide open and the lights were off. He saw that down the hallway, all the way at the end, what appeared to be a master bedroom. That must have been for Shelby's parents.

"This is my room," she pointed to a room that was straight ahead of them. Chewie went in, first and jumped up on her bed, curling up in a ball and laying his head down.

Ravi would have had to have been heartless to not find that adorable.

"Make yourself at home!" Shelby told him, slapping him on the back (he gasped, having not seen that coming). "I'll be right back," and she disappeared from view, her voice trailing downstairs as she called for her father.

Ravi stood there, really unsure of how to _make himself at home_ when, quite frankly, he was more than uncomfortable with being _alone _in her bedroom. Either her father was oblivious and preoccupied with getting her brother to do his homework, or he entirely trusted his daughter to make good choices and that Ravi wouldn't try anything while up there.

(Although the mere thought of the implication made him want to vomit).

_Stop being so dramatic_

It was a fairly typical room, he supposed. Not disasterly untidy like Luke's room. Not over the top girly like Emma's or Zuri's. And it wasn't as _Shelby-fied _as he would have assumed. Still, that could have been because not everything was taken out of the boxes yet, as indicated by the ones sitting beside the window.

But, she did have some things put away. A few posters for some books, a bookcase that was already filled up. A dresser was placed in the corner of the room, across from him. There was a bean-bag and a few pictures scattered around. Her bed was made and the curtains on the window were pulled open.

The walls were most definitely painted recently-a neon green that really _popped. _

"So how do you like my room?" She came up _right behind him_, practically yelling into the back of his ear.

He cursed under his breath, keeping a rein on his emotions when she came out in front of him and sat on the edge of her bed. He couldn't believe it; he just couldn't believe it. _No one _could be that socially unaware. There was just no way she didn't have a clue that she was heavily irritating him, causing him to fight the urge against breaking something to release all that anger. She had to have known what she was doing.

"You can sit down if you want," she encouraged. "You can sit on my bed or the bean-bag or even the floor if you want. I don't care. But the floor would be really uncomfortable, don't you think? Have you ever slept on the floor? I did-a few times for a few sleepovers and my back hurt afterwards. But then again, that was a hardwood floor." She was tapping her finger against her cheek, wearing a thoughtful expression.

_I'm honestly astounded you've reached the level of schooling that you are in _

"I think I will just stand," he held his left arm with his right hand.

"Okay!" Shelby didn't insist on him joining her on the bed, just to scoot up next to him and invade his personal space. "Ooooh! Wanna see my friends! Come on!" She was up in seconds to get one of the pictures hanging on the wall. She eagerly held it out to him and he realized that she meant for him to physically take it. "That's me and Caleb and Isabella and Emily," she pointed to each individual. "Caleb's family went on vacation to Arizona and his parents said we could come along and it was _so _fun! That's us at the Grand Canyon. It was really hot. We went swimming after that. I took a ton of pictures. Wanna see? I think I have them around somewhere in a scrapbook. I used a polaroid-have you ever used one? They're so cool! Mine's not new like you see in the stores, my grandpa had one when he was around my age and he gave it to me! Isn't that neat?"

"Fascinating," he said dryly.

The picture must not have been taken that long ago, for Shelby doesn't look that much different than she does now. There was one exception; she wasn't wearing any glasses.

His eyes glossed over the picture in his hands. Caleb was in between Shelby and Isabella. He was around their height, just slightly taller. His hair was blonde, too and he wore thick-rimmed glasses that looked kind of big for his face. Honestly, had he not just met Elliot, he would have thought she and Caleb were related.

Then there was Isabella. Taller than Shelby, dark hair and dark eyes. She wore glasses as well-they all did.

Emily had dirty blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. She was at the end and making a face while sticking her tongue out. The one thing that stuck out to Ravi was her hoodie. It must have been well over a hundred degrees yet that did not stop her from wearing it.

_What's the difference between you wearing a flannel and jeans? _

"Emily's always wearing a hoodie," Shelby said as if she was reading his mind. "She says she's cold, even in the summer. Isabella tried to get her to take it off in Arizona so she didn't overheat but Emily's stubborn and she didn't listen to her. Isabella tries to be the responsible one and Emily's always saying that she's going to corrupt her one day. Emily tried to get her to skip school once but she refused. Have you ever skipped school? Probably not, but I thought I'd ask. I haven't. I couldn't do it. I'd be too nervous and I'd feel just awful lying to my parents, wouldn't you?"

He'd lost so much feeling for just about everything, that should he have made the choice to skip, he didn't think he would regret it or feel bad about lying to Jessie.

That had to be a red flag about something.

Wasn't it?

Or was he overthinking again? Like some hypochondriac patient on the brink of a breakdown after fearing cancer might be causing her knee pain. He'd done that before, his fear overriding him to the point he felt like he could have shut down.

It surely wasn't normal.

But nothing about him was normal, not in a sense that truly mattered.

And it wasn't a cutesy abnormality either; that some kids, more prominent in the younger grades, made known to everyone around them. He wasn't abnormal in the sense of trying to appear strange when in reality he was normal and just attention seeking. No, he was actually weird. People had pointed and laughed at him before. They'd said the most abhorrent things, they'd _done _the most abhorrent things.

"Ravi," Shelby put a hand to his shoulder and it broke his stupor he'd fallen into. It took a moment, to realize where he was and become aware that they were still in Shelby's bedroom, still in Shelby's house. "Are you okay? You looked kinda spaced out so I wasn't sure if you were daydreaming or not. _Did you know _that you could have a seizure and it looks like you're just daydreaming? Isn't that freaky? I can't remember what they're called but someone from my class in elementary school had them. It was so weird. Have you ever had a seizure? I haven't. It looks scary, you know when you convulse and all that."

Ravi's head was spinning. Shelby's words were registering but she sounded so distant, like she was much further away than being right next to him like she was in reality. He could really only answer one question at a time. "No," he muttered dazedly. "No, I haven't."

"That's good," she said earnestly."That would suck if you did."

Somewhere, through her less than articulate wording, Ravi sensed that her sincerity was absolute. Her hand hadn't moved and her eyes expressed her genuine happiness.

He coughed, stepping back just a smidge.

His shoulder felt strange, now that her hand was off of it.

But he brushed it off, figuring that he was just imagining it.

"Can we go back to working on our project now?" he needed to get out of the room, suddenly feeling a tad claustrophobic for no good reason. It was smaller than his room (smaller than most of the rooms in the penthouse) and it was making him think. Think bad thoughts, memories he'd rather not think about. He was desperate to move on.

"Okay!" Shelby flashed him another smile and together they walked out with her chattering once again, "Do you want more cookies and soda? We have plenty. I'm still hungry but, course, I don't wanna ruin your dinner..."

Shelby had a 'fantistical' idea of turning on the radio and inserting one of her CDs. She claimed that would help them and her father was alright with it, so long as she didn't play it too loud since they were still working (Ravi came to learn that Shelby's brother didn't tackle homework with any seriousness so their dad had to be _right there _with him to make sure his son did what he was supposed to do).

A disadvantage of having a teacher for a parent, he supposed.

The music was from the nineties and was upbeat and danceable (Shelby was insisting that he 'let loose' and have some fun). Ravi found it increasingly distracting to focus on reading his lines when she was lowly singing and moving her hips to the song. Could she not stop fooling around and pay attention?

"I think we're good," she said after they rehearsed for the fourth time that day.

"But we still keep messing up," he countered. "We should strive to perfect it."

"We'll be fine!" she exclaimed. _Famous last words. _"Besides, don't you have to leave soon?"

"No," he'd checked his phone and he had plenty of time. As expected, time seemed to go much slower when he was in the presence of Shelby.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes," he was starting to get a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. "It is only after four."

"No, it isn't," she held up her phone and he was stunned to see that it was actually only a few minutes before the clock was to strike five.

_Uh oh _

"What-" he stared at his screen. Something-or _someone_-had tampered with it. Jessie had fixed it before she placed it on charge, so he'd been told. "That is impossible!" He was going to be late again. He pild everything into his backpack without neatly arranging, just shoving it right in. Shelby was watching him with that _look _of hers.

"I must be going," he said as a way of goodbye.

"Well, do you want any cookies and soda for the road? You know, in case you get hungry. If you don't, that's fine! I just thought you might want some. Also, we can rehearse one last time on Monday if you think we need it. I think we're fine but if it'll make you less nervous, it's alright with me! You know, I'm kinda bummed you won't ghetto meet my mom. She's super nice. Maybe if you get the chance to come back over sometime, you can meet her then! Okay, bye, Ravi!" she said happily as he closed the door. "See you on Monday!"


	18. Chapter 18

_Freak_

The first one came when he was halfway home. He'd assumed that Jessie had sent it to him, inquiring on his whereabouts and why he was late for dinner-again.

_She only talks to u bc she pities u_

It was the same number that had been sending him similar messages since the start of school. Ravi hadn't the faintest clue of whom the identity of the sender was; it wasn't the first time it'd happened to him. Once during middle school, there had been a fellow student that sent him rather aggressive messages for the majority of the year before the boy had found a new target that apparently gave him more pleasure to torment than Ravi.

_Ur literally a waste of air _

Ravi's jaw clenched. His throat tightened and it felt as though a dagger had pierced right through his stomach. That one had hurt.

_Why dont u just kill urself everyone hates you anyway _

The air became thicker.

An abrupt onset of dizziness came over him and he had to grip the stop sign pole to balance himself. The shouts of _go kid _didn't register, nor did the honking from the cars. The world had just come to a stop.

No one had...he'd never...

No one had actually told Ravi he should kill himself. He'd mulled over the idea several times in the past few months and faced enough torment from his fellow classmates but no one had ever explicitly told him to do _that_.

It hit differently, somehow.

It was one thing for Ravi, himself, to think it, to consider it, to almost _wish _for it; but to now know that someone else was thinking, wishing for the same thing, it made him feel as though he'd been doused with icy water.

* * *

He was still thinking about it.

He was in a sort of daze, walking through the lobby of the building and feeling as though there was water in his ears, muffling Tony's voice as he cheerfully greeted him.

He couldn't properly _think_, let alone form coherent sentences.

_You're pathetic _

The text message was vividly at the forefront of his mind. Ravi wanted to hope, he wanted to have that same childish optimism; perhaps it wasn't for him. Perhaps it was all a joke and if he burst into tears, the send would reveal him or herself, laughing and exclaiming their disbelief that he _actually _fell for it.

But deep down in the pit of his stomach, Ravi knew that was a false hope.

Whoever was sending it, very much meant it.

And that scared him more than anything ever had.

He walked through the elevator doors, subconsciously tensing up; he was anticipating on Jessie losing her temper _yet again _because he'd failed to abide by the rule in which he was supposed to be home at.

He couldn't handle that, not now.

It was already difficult to be in the same room as Jessie, her eyes following him wherever he went and a permanent look of disappointment clouding her face. She'd shaken her head plenty of times, silently expressing her wondering of where things had gone wrong with Ravi.

_So many things _

_That's why you're pathetic _

_That's why no one likes you _

_That's why someone wants you to die_, Ravi's stomach did a flop flop.

He could have vomited right there.

Upon his entrance into the penthouse, Ravi immediately _just knew _there was something out of place; it was far too quiet for the time of day. He glanced down the direction of the door that led to the kitchen. There was no clinking of the silverware or soft _thuds _from anyone setting their cups back down on the table.

_Where was everyone? _He checked his phone for a notification-to see if Jessie had messaged him, informing him of anything. He racked his brain, trying to recall if she'd mentioned that she had any plans of going out.

But that still didn't tell him where his siblings were, or Bertram. Emma was doing her online school, but she'd apparently been getting done early so she spent the majority of her day out-after Jessie had made sure she'd been doing her homework and not slacking. _But _it was the time they should have been eating dinner so she should have been there. So should Zuri and Luke. It was well past when the middle and high school had been let out for the day.

Or were they _hiding_? Had Jessie become fed up with his tardiness and lack of respect for the rules that she formed a plan where they would trick him into thinking they were gone to, somehow, teach him a lesson into obeying?

_You're so dramatic _

_Stop overthinking everything _

_I'm not trying to _

_Well, you are _

Carefully, Ravi pushed open the door to the kitchen, half expecting Luke to jump out at him and scream so Ravi would react with a girlish scream. However, he did not find his brother lurking on the other side-he didn't find _anyone_. The kitchen was empty, with a few unwashed dishes from breakfast that morning. He spied a nearly finished coffee cup, that was surely cold by now, on the corner of the counter that was obviously Jessie's-judging by the pink lipstick mark.

He stood there, a frown on his lips.

Should he text Jessie? He'd been explicitly forbidden from using his electronics unless it was absolutely necessary and he didn't wish to sit through another lecture for his disobedience. But he would assume that now was one of those _absolutely necessary _times.

_She's gonna be mad _

_You're gonna get in trouble _

_She won't care why you did it _

_She never cares about you _

_Don't you remember? _

_Don't you remember how she always sides with everyone else but you? _

_You're the scum on her shoe _

_And no one cares about scum_

There was a theory that was in the back of his mind, that he'd tried to push away, tried to brush off because it was ridiculously _absurd_. But the idea was bubbling, trying to come to the surface, whispering into his ear.

_No_, it was wrong. It wasn't the case at all. He refused to entertain the idea for even a fraction of a second. He _couldn't_. He didn't want to think about that possibility.

That they'd gone and left without him.

Was that what they'd done? Had they completely disregarded how _he _would feel and just left without stopping to think about _him_?

_Makes sense doesn't it? _

_When have they ever cared about you before? _

The last thought sounded louder than anything else.

_When have they ever cared about you before? _

He sat on one of the stools, a blank facial expression.

_Well? _

They _hadn't_, not how they should have. Not in the way he'd hoped and dreamed of when he'd been adopted, when he'd had a picture in his mind of how everything was going to go and reality had gone so far into the other direction, he didn't recognize it.

_It's your own fault _

_You shouldn't have had such high standards _

_You disappointed your own self _

_They didn't do it to you _

He supposed, in a way, that was true. He supposed he had unrealistically high standards that he should have _known _weren't going to all be fulfilled; but he hadn't because he'd hoped. He'd hoped like someone who wasn't aware of how the world truly worked yet; of someone who had a vague notion of life from vastly limited experience and would be greatly let down once he learned it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows.

_Do you know who else thinks the world is all sunshine and rainbows? _

_Don't say it _

_Shelby does _

_She's as delusional as I was _

_Maybe she's not actually delusional at all. Maybe she has the right idea _

_The right idea? She's going to end up being very hurt when she's thrown face first into a situation that she can't fix by smiling and hugging _

_Funny, I didn't think you cared whether she was hurt or not _

_I don't. I'm simply stating the truth _

It was as if someone had taken a remote and un-paused the movie; Ravi heard the soft _ding _from the elevator and all at once, there was a rumble of voices that filled the penthouse back up with livelihood. _They were back_. They were back and he _hoped _that this was all a misunderstanding, that they hadn't left him behind on purpose. That it was just a mistake on his part and they'd actually gone to pick up food and everyone decided to tag along or they wished to wait until he returned from Shelby's house to eat so they took a walk or-

He quietly trailed over to the living room, observing how they seemed so _happy_. Jessie was giving Zuri an affectionate ruffle to her hair and his sister made a face, trying to wiggle away and save her hair from getting messy.

They were _also _holding to-go boxes.

His heart _sank_, dropping all the way to the floor.

Luke was eating a rather cheesy piece of pizza, holding it up above his mouth and taking a bite at the end of it. Bertram was noisily drinking from a plastic cup, pushing his way through the crowd that was Jessie and his siblings to go back to his room, presumably.

Jessie had told him they would be having pizza for dinner. He'd _assumed _that meant it was to be ordered and would be delivered to the penthouse to eat _there_.

"Jessie-" He let her name hang in the air, unable to finish.

Jessie stopped her conversation with Zuri to look over her shoulder at him, her eyes going wide and her hand clamped over her mouth. It was that sudden realization crossing her face that made Ravi sink even further.

They _had _forgotten about him.

They _had _left him.

They'd gone to dinner without him and didn't even stop to think that _he _wasn't there.

"Ravi," she gasped after she spluttered for a few, strained moments. "Oh crap-I thought...I'm so sorry. I didn't think-"

That, they agreed on.

"I wasn't even thinking," she repeated, shaking her head as if to clear it. "Zuri got an A on her math test and you know how rare that is-" Zuri huffed indignantly. "I told the kids we were going out for dinner and I guess in all the excitement, I didn't even check to see if you were home yet."

It hit him like a ton of bricks. Her confession did not make him feel better at all. If anything, to hear her openly admit that she hadn't bothered to see if he was there before they left made him feel _worse_.

"Oh," he whispered. It was all he could do not to fall to the floor in a heap.

"Yeah," Jessie cringed. "B-But I'm sure there's still some pizza left for you to eat. Right Luke?" But _Luke _had just finished that slice at that precise moment. "Luke! You should've saved that for Ravi!"

That slice was cheese.

Ravi didn't like plain cheese all that much.

But he feigned a thin smile because that was the closets Jessie was going to get to caring about him.

"Sorry," Luke grumbled in a tone that conveyed the opposite. "I'm hungry."

Jessie turned back to Ravi, an apologetic look to her. "I'm sure there's something in the kitchen you can eat."

"Perhaps," he said hollowly.

Jessie must have known she'd messed up. Must have known that it wasn't typically ideal to forget about one of the children you're supposed to be watching over. Without saying much else, his siblings dispersed one by one. Zuri to her room, Luke to the theater room and by that time, Emma had come up-she'd been straggling behind, talking into her cell phone.

"I'm really sorry, Ravi," Jessie was nervously wringing her hands.

_Are you? _

_Because I don't think you are _

_I think you enjoyed not having me there _

_They all did _

_They liked being able to eat dinner without him being there _

He wished to be swallowed by the floor.

"You probably wouldn't have liked it anyway," Jessie continued, somehow believing that she was doing good. "It was really busy and you know how Luke hogs all the good slices. Really, you probably had a better time at Hannah's house."

_She doesn't even know whose house I was at! _

"Shelby," he corrected.

"Right! Right, heh, I meant Shelby. Shelby, Hannah. Same thing, really."

_Not in the slightest _

_Jessie has proven herself to be rather inadequate _

_She's always been that way_

_You were just blinded to see it before _

"Are you hungry, Ravi?" Jessie was trying to subtly make her mistake up. "I can make you something to eat, if you want."

"No, thank you," he said quietly. "I'm fine."

He wasn't fine. Those chocolate chip cookies only went so far and now he was yearning for some more substance. He was rather famished but he was most likely going to have to wait until later to make himself something.

"Are you sure?" Was she not angry anymore? She was acting how she was before they'd become at odds.

_She's afraid you'll tell your parents _

_She's afraid she'll be fired _

_That _made sense. She didn't care that Ravi's feelings had been hurt, that he'd felt so _low _upon seeing them come back. It was all about _her_. It was all about her and her not wanting to be (_rightfully_) fired.

"Yes," he said curtly. "I've already eaten."

_Liar! Liar! Liar! _

"Before we got back?" She inquired, confusedly.

"Yes."  
"Oh," she frowned. "Well, alright."

There was a silence that lingered around.

"Yes," he said for the third time, to alleviate it.

_Shut up, shut up, shut up! _

She was peering at him again, biting down on her lower lip. Ravi felt trapped under her glance and he squirmed uncomfortably. It was as if she could see right through, horribly reminiscent of how Shelby would look at him at certain times.

_You mean like this afternoon? _

Ravi remembered.

_"Ravi," Shelby put a hand to his shoulder and it broke his stupor he'd fallen into. It took a moment, to realize where he was and become aware that they were still in Shelby's bedroom, still in Shelby's house. "Are you okay? _

_"That's good," she said earnestly. "That would suck if you did." _

_Her hand hadn't moved and her eyes expressed her genuine happiness. _

_His shoulder felt strange, now that her hand was off of it. _

_But he brushed it off, figuring that he was just imagining it. _

He exhaled.

"Ravi," Jessie was reaching out to touch him and he backed away. "Ravi, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."

_No _

_No, I am not okay _

"I am fine, Jessie," he gave her the same old fake smile, the one that she fell for every time. He was very good at it, almost too good. No one suspected anything. No one asked any questions. They let him be and he wasn't sure if he should feel insulted by that or not. "Everything is fine. I'm just a bit tired. I believe I should take a nap."

"Are you sure?" She was saying that a lot. "It's kinda late for that and I don't want you to be up all night."

"Yes," he was saying that a lot, too. "I won't be long. I just need to rest my eyes."

He wanted to get out of there _now _and she was making it increasingly difficult by prolonging the pointless conversation.

"May I go now?" he asked.

She looked torn. "I suppose," she said eventually, hesitantly. He nodded and turned, only for her to suddenly speak again. "Ravi, wait!"

_Don't get angry_, he resisted the urge to groan in utter frustration. "Yes, Jessie?"

"I almost forgot-give me your phone."

Ah, yes. He pulled it out of his jean pocket, handing it to her without a word.

She took it, turning on her heel in the direction of the kitchen. She was murmuring to herself, but he'd caught it. "Gonna have to make sure Luke doesn't get a hold of this again."

Ravi stared at her back, stunned.

Did she think that he hadn't heard? Apparently, by the look of _oh crap_ on her face.

"What do you mean, so Luke doesn't get a hold of it again?" Ravi asked even though he already had a guess.

_He did it! He did it! I should have known! _

"Uh, well," Jessie's voice had gone up an octave. "You see, Ravi, I finally figured out why the time on your phone kept changing...because Luke was sneaking into my room and changing it while I was in the shower. Heh. Isn't that funny? Heh..." She let out a nervous laugh that vanished when she realized that Ravi wasn't joining in. "Now, Ravi, there's no need to be upset."

"No need?" he exclaimed. "Luke has been _my _things. _I _got in trouble for coming home late and you say there is no need to get angry?"

"It's just a phone, Ravi," Jessie said sternly.

"It is not _just a phone_, Jessie. It is the principle of the matter! Luke shouldn't be touching my things."

"No," she agreed after a moment. "But I'm sure Luke didn't mean any harm by it."

Ravi could not, _could not _believe that those words had come spewing out of her mouth.

_"I'm sure Luke didn't mean any harm by it." _

It was echoing in his mind, _over and over_, further angering him.

"Didn't mean any-Jessie! Luke did it on purpose," Ravi lost his temper, not that he was doing that good of a job keeping a rein on it anyway.

_You can't even do one simple task, can you?_

_Course not _

_You're a failure _

_A nobody _

_No one wants to be around a failure_

_No one will hire a failure _

_No one wants a failure in the family _

_That's why they hate you _

_Why can't you be extraordinary like everyone else? _

_You're not even ordinary, you're below it _

_Why can't you be better? _

_Why can't you be like Luke? _

_Luke's extraordinary _

_That's why people like Luke _

"Since when _doesn't _Luke mean any harm in bothering me? He's always doing it!"

Somehow, during his bluster, Jessie stayed relatively calm. There was no sign of her becoming provoked by the way he was talking to her. She sighed, looking upwards toward the ceiling, taking a moment to gather her thoughts properly, or at least that was what Ravi thought she was doing.

_She's trying not to explode on you _

_She really needs this job _

_I don't think it matters anyway. They won't fire her because she upset me _

_They don't care about me that much _

"Look," she began, running her hand through her wind-blown hair, worsening its messiness, "I know Luke can be a major pain and you two are at odds right now _but_," she was looking at him pointedly, "he's still your brother. No matter what. You guys can't keep going on like this. You need to make up. Siblings get on each other's nerves, it's a part of life."

_But bullying is not _

_I should not have to endure all the crap that Luke does _

"Besides," she said, "one day you guys will look back and wish you hadn't spent so much time arguing over stupid things."

_Stupid? _

_She believes that I am upset over the stupid things Luke's done? _

_Putting butter in my socks was stupid _

_Drawing on my face while I slept was stupid _

_Calling me a nerd was just plain childish _

_But laughing at me, shoving me, wishing that mom and dad never adopted me isn't stupid. It's hurtful _

_But yes, of course when _**_I _**_am upset about something it's stupid _

_When Zuri, Emma or Luke are upset about something it's a freaking crisis _

_It's because she doesn't like you _

_It's because you aren't as important _

The nausea struck again, bearing down on him harder than it had the first time.

And he _remembered_.

_Why dont u just kill urself everyone hates you anyway _

"I'll be in my room," he mumbled, the words all slurring together.

"Ravi!" Jessie said helplessly, the slightest bit confused at his sudden turn around, "sweetie, wait!"

But he was already halfway up the stairs, turning to face the direction of the wall so as he didn't have to see her.

* * *

Ravi _slammed _the door shut.

The sound reverberated off the walls.

Mrs. Kipling let out a startled noise and his emotions faltered for a second.

Ravi slid down until he hit the floor, exhaling and burying his face in his hands.

He was just so _tired_.

Ravi lifted his head up just a smidgen when he felt something gently nudge against his hand. Mrs. Kipling had crawled over to him, staring at him. His eyes softened.

"Hello there," he ran his fingertips over the top of her head. If she were a cat, she would have been purring. "You like me, don't you? I am not totally unbearable, am I?"

_If you weren't, you wouldn't be asking that to a lizard _

He leaned his head back against the door, closing his eyes. Mrs. Kipling pushed some of her body onto Ravi's lap, not quite being small enough to fit completely but enough for him to understand that she was trying to comfort him in her own, anmialish way.

_Shelby's family wouldn't forgotten her _

_They would have remembered _

He was the tiniest bit alarmed by that thought.

_That...That hardly matters _

_Oh, but it does matter _

_How? _

_You're envious of them _

_I am most certainly not! _

_You are_

_You are because you want that family _

_You want the same love that she gets _

He had to admit, as much as he _didn't want to_, that Shelby's family was drastically different compared to his own. He imagined there must have been times where they didn't get along, where Shelby lost her temper (as difficult as it was to imagine). But they genuinely seemed happy. Genuinely seemed like they didn't mind each other's presence. Even Shelby's little brother wasn't spewing out as much malice as one of his siblings would if they were complaining about him.

And he'd felt so _conflicted_.

It was a highly uncomfortable situation for him to be in, to be surrounded by the peace and love that which was Shelby's family that didn't have him on alert, tense and uneasy in case _someone _were to snap at him. In case _something _were to grow wrong.

He didn't want to like it.

He hadn't wanted to feel as though he'd like to return.

Quite especially when one of the occupants could easily and effectively grate on his nerves.

Ravi absentmindedly petted Mrs. Kipling.

He had been keen on getting out of there, only doing what was needed to complete the project so then he could return to avoiding Shelby's presence except for when he'd have to see her in school. He could deal with her then.

But-

_But now? _

He groaned and hit his head on the door.


End file.
